


Web Tied Hearts

by Zeef



Series: Web Tied [1]
Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Autistic Hannah Foster, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Post-Apotheosis (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Psychic Abilities, Psychological Torture, eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 72,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23037178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeef/pseuds/Zeef
Summary: The Apotheosis devastated Hatchetfield and left the few survivors to seek refuge in the PEIP Base located in the town. Before long, everyone was safe and the infected were rounded up and imprisoned within the base as the division worked to find a cure. This is a dictation of what occurred during the period of time between the Apotheosis and the curing of the city.Xander Lee is trying to get his husband back. Ethan and Hannah are desperate for Lex to return to herself. Emma just wants to thank Paul for his efforts.
Relationships: Becky Barnes/Tom Houston, Hannah Foster & Ethan Green, Hannah Foster & Lex Foster, Lex Foster/Ethan Green, Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins, Tim Houston & Tom Houston, Tom Houston & Emma Perkins, Xander Lee/John McNamara
Series: Web Tied [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1709149
Comments: 354
Kudos: 397





	1. The Apotheosis is Upon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lex gets Got, much to the distress of Ethan and Hannah. General McNamara loses himself to the Hive. Tom collects his sister-in-law, crashes a car (again), and calls his ex.

Today was a bad day, Webby said so, and Webby was always right. _Blue blood. Dead not dead. Bad songs._

Hannah didn't know what to make of those warnings, but she loyally passed them on to her big sister who could do anything. Lex was the biggest superhero of all, after all. She would yell at their mom and the teachers and buy Hannah little treats when it was a bad day. Lex even said she was going to take her away from Hatchetfield, that the three of them were going to California together, that Mom was never going to find them and they would never have to worry again.

Today was a bad day. Hannah had refused to go to school because it was a bad day so Lex had skipped as well to take care of her. Ethan had joined them at the mall not long after, somewhere safe from their mother where Hannah felt safe. She didn’t know why Ethan was skipping too, but he was part of their little family, and that meant it was okay. People were singing though and it was making Hannah nervous. Webby had warned her of songs. Why were they even singing?

"Bad songs bad songs bad songs bad songs bad songs," Hannah muttered nervously as she hid behind Ethan.

"They're just goin' a little wild, Hannah, don't worry,”' Lex replied, handing her the tangle toy she'd stolen for Hannah a while back.

Hannah did not like the la de da da day song. It was too much, bad song, no good. There was too much nervous in her, too much energy. The tangle helped but she still had too much, but rocking helped, so she rocked where she sat behind Ethan. 

"Hey, Banana," Ethan said, turning to face her. He pulled a ball cap out of his back pocket and held it out to her. "This cap belonged to a great warrior-"

Lex snorted and Ethan sent her a look. "Don't you fucking laugh. I'm serious! It belonged to my dad!"

"Yep, uh huh, sure," Lex said with a smirk.

Ethan rolled his eyes and turned back to Hannah. "This hat is magic. While you have it on, nothing's gonna hurt you, okay? Bad day or not," he said, placing it firmly on her head. "My dad took it with him when he went over with the army, and he made it back in one piece and gave it to me. I've never gotten hurt with it on, and now I'm givin' it to you. You'll keep it safe, right?"

Hannah nodded enthusiastically, feeling much safer with Ethan's magic hat on her head. The people were still singing bad songs though, and their attention was turning towards the trio. Bad songs. Dead not dead. Hannah knew she would be safe with the hat on but that didn't mean she wasn't allowed to be scared.

"Jesus Christ, those guys are annoying. I'm gonna tell 'em to shut up, okay?" Lex said as she stood up. Ethan didn't stop her. Ethan should have stopped her.

The next thing Hannah knew, Ethan was swearing and picking her up, running down the hallway with her, away from Lex. He had his hand against the back of her head, burying it into his shoulder so she wouldn't see whatever scared him. Still though, Hannah had gotten a glimpse: Lex being torn open and fed blue goo.

Hannah screamed but Ethan shushed her as he ducked them into the employee area between the stores. He had to stop to catch his breath, putting her down but grabbing her hand to continue their escape. "Blue blood, dead not dead, bad songs," she repeated as they ran.

"You're so right," Ethan said, out of breath. They burst out the back exist he had parked at, and he scrambled to get his keys out.

Hannah bounced by the back door of the car nervously. She played the role of watchman, looking for threats. What she was not expecting was Lex to burst out from the same door they'd exited from, causing Hannah to scream and stumble back. Ethan swore and dropped his keys, scrambling to pick the ring back up.

"My mom's a bitch!" Lex sang.

"Jesus Christ," Ethan swore. "Hannah! Behind me!" Ethan pulled out his switchblade as he flipped through his keys.

"An alcoholic! A melancholic!" Lex was dancing now, some choreography she shouldn't know. Her shirt was stained blue with her organs splayed out of her stomach. Hannah sobbed and held her hat tightly onto her head as Lex grew nearer.

Ethan looked confused, desperate, scared. Hannah knew he couldn't hurt Lex, he'd promised, and Ethan always kept his promises. "Lexi, please," he begged, holding out the knife in a threatening manner. 

"Not Lexi," Hannah cried. "Dead not dead!"

"Cause we're Califor-M.I.A.! M.I.A.! Yeah we're Ca-"

Ethan kicked her in the chest to send her backwards and unlocked the car. He shoved Hannah in the driver's seat and then sat down with her, shutting the door before Lex could get back over to them. Hannah crawled into the back and buckled up as Ethan put in the key and pressed down the gas paddle, speeding away from the scene.

\---

Shit.

The infected breached the blockade his men had set up. That shouldn't have been a problem, they should have been able to shoot them down before it caused any distress, but his men had been standing close to the section of the blockade that broke and roughly five privates were infected before anyone proceeded what was happening. The infection was immediate, roughly, and they turned on the others, letting out a spray of bullets where they knew would cause damage. General John McNamara quickly hid behind the nearby cover and readied his weapon.

Webby had been right: _blue blood, dead not dead, bad songs._ She'd warned him not to go, but it was his duty to protect and serve.

What choice did he have? Innocents were relying on him. John had given his husband one last kiss, told him not to worry, and left. Now he wasn't sure if he would live to see Xander again. He was the only one who'd escaped the barrage of bullets, and he knew that made his chance of survival slim. The helicopter would be there soon, and he had to try to get those civilians out safely. Still though, he couldn't be certain that the driver wouldn't be infected as well. Even if they were, John could probably get them safely to Clivesdale, for the most part, as long as he could dispatch them without crashing the helicopter.

_Sneaking men. Run, John, danger._

John looked quickly to the side where the horde was amassing, but found himself grabbed from behind. He cursed his kindness in giving the civilian his pistol and instead opted for his knife, stabbing the infected in the neck. They seemed to expect that though, and after his hit landed, his arm was held tightly by one infected while another grasped his other. He struggled against them as another held him from behind.

_You can see. You can hear. They know. They want you._

No, he didn't want to go down like that. That couldn't be his death. Very rarely did one have control in how they died, however, and this was no exception. Something was sprayed in his face and he was released. Purely on instinct he ran, unable to see much or hear. His eyes burned and his ears rung which made any attempt at an escape difficult. Before long he found himself hidden inside an industrial sized vent, curled up with his knees to his chest as he struggled to get the substance out of his eyes.

Webby's voice was distant and filled with static, no more aid could she give as some other voice was taking over, more a hum than words. Spores. It must have been the damn spores of the Hive that they'd sprayed in his face. He could feel them seeping through his eyes and lungs into his bloodstream and mind. John closed his eyes and tried desperately to fight off the infection, to keep his head clear long enough to plan for an escape, but every passing moment was making it more difficult and more enthralling to give into the humming Hive Mind.

It wouldn't be his responsibility anymore. He would be free from the stress of leadership and the pain of failure. The Hive would take control of it all. All he would have to do would be to help the Hive connect to the Black and White like they wanted, a deeper connection to Earth. All he had to do was-

"John? You can't call me while you're on a mission, you know that."

John looked down at his hands, startled to see his hands grasping his radio telephone like his life depended on it. It seemed like the part of his mind that hadn't succumbed was fighting desperately to survive, and calling Xander had been its way to do so. He couldn't remember dialing the number, or even pulling it out, but there he was.

"John? John, what's wrong?" Xander asked, an edge of concern now in his voice.

His eyes narrowed and a frown fell on his face. Xander wasn't supposed to be concerned, that was never part of the plan. John squeezed his eyes shut and grunted in pain as the roots of the infection dug deeper. His mouth felt slimy, and he coughed, letting loose some of the blue shit that was filling him up. 

"John! Talk to me, what's happening?!"

"Xan," John grunted, hitting his head against the vent in pain. "I'm infected. The entire brigade is gone. Don't trust the helicopter. Should have two citizens, if they survive to get on it."

"You're-..." Xander paused and took a deep breath. The longer he paused, the more the infection grew. "Okay. It's going to be okay, John, just fight it. Okay? I'm here. I'm ordering for a larger group to get to your location. You're going to be fine, we'll figure it out. You-"

"No cure," he mumbled. "Eyes burn. Webby gone. No fight." It was growing incredibly hard to think, his mind kept wandering to the hum of the Hive. John knew he wouldn't be able to hold on much longer.

"John, no, you'd better not," Xander cried, sounding as if he was crying. "You can't give up, that's not what you do. You fight, God damn it. You're the most stubborn man I've ever met, you can't stop that now."

"I love you," John whispered melodically. Huh, it felt nice.

"No! John, no!"

"I love you, I love-" 

Paul was there. It was time to infect him. General McNamara exited the vent, instinctively putting the phone in it's pocket without thinking to hang up. He wasn't thinking anymore. 

There was a buzzing, as he sang, something he wasn't allowed to comprehend anymore. 

And then there was silence.

\---

Tom stared across the table at his silent son, his head on his hands hold gently on the surface. Tim was sniffling, had been since the previous night and Tom had decided to keep him home. The boy in question was sitting in an identical stance, looking up at his dad with his own head on his hands. 

"You gotta eat your soup," Tom stated, breaking the silence.

"I don't want to," Tim said with his congested voice.

"I know that, but you gotta. Otherwise you're not gonna get better and the monsters are gonna eat you instead because they eat boogers," he said calmly.

"Monsters aren't real, I'm not a baby," Tim scoffed, then sniffled.

"Oh they're real! I've seen 'em with my own two eyes."

A knock came from the front door before Tim could reply. Tom reluctantly stood to answer it, but before he could get any closer the knock sounded again. "I'm coming!" he called, but apparently not fast enough. A hand smashed through the window in the door and singing could be heard on the other side. "What the fuck?" he said, grabbing his son's baseball bat.

The hand forced open the front door and Tom swung the bat, hitting the stranger on the other side. More people were coming though, all singing. Without thinking, he ran back to his son, who had been slurping down his soup, and carried him to the car, shoving him in his seat before taking off down the road. "Close your eyes, Tim!" he said as he plowed through the blue bleeding strangers and neighbors who seemed dead set on something. 

Tom had no idea where to go, everyone seemed to be going insane. Emma! He spared a thought to his sister in law and quickly called her number to see if she was safe. "Emma, what the fuck is going on?"

"The apocalypse? Where have you been?" She sounded annoyed, scared, and out of it. Not a good sign. 

"Taking care of Tim, he has a cold. Where are you, I'll come pick you up," Tom replied.

"I'm by the riverside near the mall in the helicopter crash, you can't miss it. I'm also bleeding like, a lot, so…?" Great, amazing, what the fuck?

"I'll be there in ten, stay awake until then," he said, hanging up before she could reply.

The trip there was silent other than Tim's sniffles, and it didn't take long to find Emma in the wreckage. "Shit, Emma," he whispered as he took off his flannel and wrapped it around the wound. "Can you hold this on for me?"

"Yeaaahhh," she replied, looking as though she was about to pass out.

Tom took the risk and picked her up, running to the car. He placed her in the back and got into the driver's seat once more. "To the hospital," he said as he headed out.

"Hospital's fucked. We need to go to Clivesdale," she disagreed.

"Clivesdale? What do we do there?! Pretty sure they don't have a hospital," Tom said.

"Do you want Tim to become a singing zombie like the rest of them? If you do, go to the hospital!" Emma muttered, sounding more and more faint.

"Shit," Tom said, speeding through the streets to the only safe place he could think of. Tim was crying but by God, he wasn't going to stop until his family was somewhere safe. After a minute he pulled out his phone once more and pulled up a number he hadn't called since high school.

"Hey, Becky, I know you work at that super small government thing as a nurse. I'm gonna need you to let us in, if you're willing."

"Tom? You're alive?"

"Don't sound so shocked. My sister-in-law is bleeding out and I know you're probably not allowed to let in people that crazy government army place, but-"

"Come. I'll let them know you're coming. We're getting an influx of people right now because they're bringing in everyone who's infected. They'll want to check you guys over but if she's bleeding out you need to get here now," Becky said quickly.

"We're on our way, just make sure they won't shoot us on sight, I've got my son in the car," Tom replied.

"Just get here, everything will be fine, I need to hang up to let them know, just trust me," she said before doing exactly as she said she would.

Tom tossed his phone into the passenger seat and pushed the gas peddle to the floor. No way was he gonna let his son turn into one of those singing fucks. If that meant going to a military base that would probably cause him a lot of panic, it was worth it. Tim needed to get somewhere safe, so did Emma. He just hoped he'd have enough time to get there.

Before he could process what was happening, time seemed to slow. Another car was also racing down the street set to T-Bone them. Tom swerved to avoid them, but the two cars smashed into each other anyway. Tom swore loudly, relieved that the wreck hadn't been worse, and got out of the car to check the other drivers, bringing the bat with him.

The driver of the other car had a cut on his head and was dazed, it seemed, but Tom would recognize a student of his anywhere. "Ethan, are you infected?" Tom asked as he noticed the little girl in the back seat.

"We're clean, officer," Ethan mumbled, rubbing his forehead. 

She'd been buckled, but Ethan hadn't been, it seemed. Now though, she unbuckled and attempted to push her door open, though it was smashed and wasn't opening. The girl didn't LOOK infected, so he pulled the door open with a great deal of difficulty. She adjusted the hat on her head and pointed to Tom's car. Tom nodded towards it and she ran to get inside.

He pulled open Ethan's door as well before picking him up and putting him in the passenger seat of his own car, which was in better shape than the one the young ones were in. Tom got back in the car and made sure everyone was buckled before heading off once more. Emma was unconscious now, and Tim was crying loudly. The little girl was clutching her wrist and was crying as well, while Ethan was blinking hard at the light. What a motley crew. At least he was closing in to the PEIP Base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tangle is a stim toy that bends and breaks and such. It's really helpful to twirl around. I also recommend the infinite cube because those are great for stimming, though they can be loud.


	2. You're The One Who Caged Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Emma goes into surgery, the rest of the survivors are left to collect themselves and decide the next steps forward. Ethan has fully stepped up to the role of brother to support Hannah in this time of need. Tom and Becky find peace and solace in each other. Xander, well... Xander has a conversation with his infected husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Chapter titles are song lyrics from both of the ones related to this story. This one is from You Tied Up My Heart, which the story title also refers to! Not that, ya know, Sam's great or anything but Jeff deserves it.
> 
> I am officially on spring break for the next week, so hopefully I can write a fair amount between now and then. I have a general idea where the story is going, but I don't know how long it'll be yet. I'll keep you all up to date!

The red haired lady wasn't scary, Hannah decided. Yes, she was terrified when the lady gave her a little cut on her arm to see if she bled blue, but the lady also washed away her tears with a cloth and cleaned up Ethan's cut on his head. Hannah hugged his arm as they sat on the table together, thinking back on the day.

She did not know the man who crashed into them, but he knew Ethan, and she knew Tim from school. Of course, Hannah had never spoken to him in school, but he gave her a little smile from across the room as the red haired lady put a bandaid on his cut. Maybe he wasn't a bad one, maybe he could be a nice one and a friend. Her classmates teased her a lot, so she distanced herself from all of them, but Tim seemed nice.

"Okay, none of you are infected. They're setting up two rooms for you all right now in the dormitory area. If not me, someone else will come in maybe an hour to get you settled in," the red haired lady said.

"Emma? How is she?" Tim's dad said as he hugged his son from the side.

"She's in surgery right now, I can't tell you anything more yet because I don't have the information, but when I do I'll find you," the lady replied.

There was a knock on the little clinic room's door and a man with glasses stepped inside, closing the door after himself. "Good evening, everyone. My name is Xander Lee, I work here for the PEIP and I have some questions, if that's alright," he said.

Hannah stared at the man curiously. He was a good one, like Tim's dad was. He could be trusted. Nudging Ethan, she nodded towards the man so Ethan would hopefully understand her request. He was thinking slowly at the moment, from the concussion, but he seemed to understand her request.

"Yeah, yeah, what's goin' on here?" Ethan asked, giving Hannah's hand a squeeze. "My girlfriend got… turned blue… and started singing and trying to get us."

"To put it simply, an alien invasion taking over people's minds, which we have contained to Hatchetfield. Everyone who has been infected is being rounded up and placed in a cell below us while we work to find a cure for the infection. If your girlfriend isn't there already, she will be, likely by midnight," Mr. Lee said. 

"When can we go home?" Tim's dad asked, holding his son tighter.

"Once everyone who is infected is rounded up and we clear the town of any remaining spores, you are safe to go, but given the fact that the majority of the town is infected, it might be best to stay here where there are resources. There's nobody to run the grocery store, or the schools, or anything right now. There's food here, you won't have to pay a cent, and we will have the children's education continued while you're here," the man explained.

"We'll stay, 'least until Emma's recovered. Wouldn't be fair to leave her here," Tim's dad said.

"We aren't leaving without Lex," Ethan stated, as firmly as he could given his state. 

The grown ups in the room fell silent. Though Hannah didn't understand why. They were working on a cure, right? Lex would be fine, she just wasn't fine yet! "Lex!" she agreed in an even firmer tone, bouncing where she sat with conviction.

"We are going to try our best to find a cure, I assure you. There is nothing I want more right now than a cure," Mr. Lee replied in a soothing tone.

"Have they found him yet?" the red haired lady asked softly.

Mr. Lee swallowed hard and shook his head, taking off his glasses for a moment of lost composer. "They haven't gotten all the way over there yet. Even then, he could have moved elsewhere. I'm sure as hell not sleeping tonight."

The red haired lady squeezed his shoulder gently in a comforting way. "They'll find him, and they'll find the cure. We don't need advice from a magic space spider to fix this."

Ethan's head shot up like a bolt. "I'm sorry, what?"

Both adults looked over at him, startled as if they'd forgotten the others in the room. "What do you mean, what? Do you know something about a magic space spider?" Mr. Lee asked quickly.

"Hannah has an imaginary friend named Webby who tells her all kinds of stuff," Ethan said, his expression startled. 

"Blue blood, dead not dead, bad songs," Hannah repeated in agreement. "Webby is good."

Mr. Lee looked stunned and said, "Yeah, yeah Webby is good. My John can see her and talk to her too. He said that exact thing this morning."

_Remove blue. Return red. Save John. John is good._

"Webby says: remove blue, return red, save John, John is good," Hannah translated.

The man seemed to think over that statement before nodding. "Thank you, Hannah."

Hannah simply nodded and started playing with her tangle again. Grownups were funny sometimes. She didn't understand why the red haired lady was gaping at her like a fish, but it was funny. Ethan also seemed shocked, but he had a pass because his head hurt.

"I didn't think Webby was real. We thought it was just a strong imaginary friend Hannah created to help deal with their mom's shit," Ethan muttered.

"Oh Webby is quite real. She's a creature within the Black and White, which some people can connect and speak with. Your sister there seems to be one of them. My husband is another," Mr. Lee explained. 

Ethan nodded, and didn't correct him in his statement that Hannah was his sister, which made her quite happy. Ethan would protect her, and make sure Lexi was okay. Things were going to be better, she knew it.

\---

A few hours had passed and Tom had tucked his son into his temporary bed. Tim hadn't wanted him to leave, but he had to stay near to the medical wing to hear about Emma. She'd been out of surgery for a while but in critical condition so they hadn't been allowed to see her. Tom wasn't sure he wanted his son to see his aunt in that state anyway.

He'd never been close to his sister-in-law, given the fact that she was never around and that fact had hurt Jane to her core, but… well here they were. Emma didn't have anyone but Tom and Tim, her parents gone, no romances to speak of. Tom didn't have anybody but Tim and Emma either, they were the only family he had left. There was no way he was going to let his wife's sister die alone. She might be a bitch but she didn't deserve that.

There was a gentle knock on the door to the waiting room he'd been in, causing him to jump, alert. When the door opened to reveal Becky Barnes, not an infected stranger, he relaxed. "Hey," he said simply.

"Hey," she replied. There was a pause before she added, "Sorry if I startled you."

"No no, it's… fine…" Tom said, feeling awkwardness grow.

He'd heard about her husband, how he'd disappeared on her, like the coward he was. Only cowards hit their wives, only assholes left them for dead. Tom had stayed away from her when he'd returned from his first tour, not wanting to upset her domestic bliss. He'd heard the rumors though and he couldn't stand it. Then he got married. Then Jane got pregnant. Then he went back to Afghanistan, and he returned haunted. Things changed.

Becky sat down a few chairs away from him and the pair remained in silence for a bit. "I… I should be working, making sure everything is working out right… but… you shouldn't have to wait here alone."

Tom nodded once and looked down at his hands, so much more worn and scarred since he'd last held her hand, back when they were innocent. "How are the kids doing?" he asked, changing the subject instead of addressing the elephant in the room. 

"They're settled in. I've been checking on Ethan to make sure his concussion isn't too bad, and last I did they were cuddled up in a bed together," she explained, seeming relieved to change the subject as well.

"Hannah is actually Lex's sister, the infected one. She and Ethan have been dating for a while. He's a good kid, taking care of her sister like this," Tom explained.

"How do you know all that?" Becky asked with a slight laugh to her voice.

"Lex and Ethan both took shop. They'd make stupid shit for each other and for Hannah all the time. I didn't connect the little girl to being Hannah right away, since I never met her before today, but… yeah, they're good kids," he said, giving Becky a small smile.

"Yesterday, it's 1 am," she teased.

"Oh shit, really?" Tom looked shocked and pulled up his sleeve to look at his watch which did not exist. He'd assumed it was past midnight, but he was trying to get her to laugh like he used to.

It worked. Becky laughed at his antics and moved a few seats closer. There was another pause before she said in the most serious tone he'd ever heard her speak in, "I missed you."

Tom paused before lowering his arms and looking at her, his gaze going soft like it always did when he saw her. He loved his wife. He would always love Jane more than he loved life itself. But, he knew Jane would want him to live on, to be happy. She wouldn't hate him for this.

"I missed you too."

There was a silence as they looked nervously up at each other. Tom gave her another small smile, and she returned it, taking his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. He knew that he didn't know what was to come. There was no way to know if they would work it out this time, or if the world was coming to an end at the hands of singing fucking zombies. But for now, there they were: Tom and Becky hand in hand once more.

They weren't the same people they were when they were younger. Both of them were older and wiser, scarred and broken, but that didn't mean they couldn't last this time. Maybe what they needed was to grow and learn, to break and come back together. Maybe what they needed was a second chance. No, they weren't the people they used to be, but the same pieces were there, and they fit together like a puzzle that had been split apart for twenty years.

"I _missed_ you," she whispered, putting a hand on his cheek.

"We're gonna make it this time. We were meant to be more than this, more than a faded memory of when times were good, when we were-"

"Young? Innocent? Naive?"

"Whole."

Becky smiled sweetly at him, tears in her eyes. "We can always be whole again."

Tom simply squeezed her hand once more and pressed his forehead against hers. It would take time, all the good things do, but they would get there. They were worth it, whether they believed that fully or not. If the world was ending, at least they would be by each other's side once more.

\---

The General stood in the center of the cell he had been placed in with his arms folded firmly behind his back. There was a one way window on the same wall as the door, and a table and chair placed against the window. Others were nearby, also in stasis until the Hive Mind decided the best course of action that would lead them to take over the base and then the world.

The General was going to be a key role in that. Though everyone in the Hive had the same thoughts and shared all knowledge, this body was trained to fight, had instinctive control over weapons. Some of the other bodies had similar training, other former soldiers, but none had the same respect from the non-infected people in the base. The Hive knew the General's value both to itself and to the PEIP, with its connection to the Black and White and as the cog that made the division work. It knew they wouldn't risk harming the General unless necessary. 

That made it the perfect leader of the escape and infect plan the Hive was creating. Through the General and the other soldiers, they knew every inch of the base, every form and function of the organization. Hell, the Hive knew things the majority of the staff didn't, given the General's previously hands on nature. Unfortunately, given how useful and vital the body and its knowledge was, it also couldn't risk harming it.

There was a pop of a speaker turning on and a voice said, "Hello, please sit in the seat provided."

The General did as it was told, because that was what it was good at, and stared at the one way glass until it lit up and revealed a man with glasses sitting on the other side. Searching through its memories, the General could not recall the man in front of it like it could most other staff. The Hive told it that it was so the General could continue to comply, so it let the issue go. After all, the Hive knew best.

"I'm going to ask you a few questions. We know how vital you are to the Hive so our negotiations and conversations will be had through you, is that acceptable?"

"Yes," the General replied in a drone like voice.

"What is your name?"

"My name is General John McNamara of the U.S. Army division known as PEIP."

There was a pause before the voice asked, "Do you know where you are?"

"I am in the PEIP base located in Hatchetfield, America."

"Do you remember why you are important?" the man asked.

"I am the leader of the PEIP and know everything there is to know about it. I also have a mental connection to the Black and White which both sides of this fight wish to have at their disposal."

"What is the Hive planning next?"

"Oh, I couldn't tell you that," it replied with a sly grin on its face. The expression seemed to unsettle the man, who shuffled his papers nervously and adjusted his glasses.

"Do you retain all memories of your former self?'

"I retain all memories necessary and unnecessary. Some memories have been removed for continued compliance, but I am functioning at an optimal level without them and do not require them to continue."

There was another pause before the man's voice said softly, "Do you know who _I_ am?"

The General did not, though the man clearly wanted it to. This man meant nothing to it, he was a block in the way of it fully giving in to the Hive, which meant he was useless. Still, the man was still human, still soft. It could use this. It's expression softened and he gently reached to touch the glass. "Of course."

Sparing a passing thought, some part of the General was curious as to what the relationship was between itself and the man. It wondered why the Hive felt it vital that out of everything it knew, this man was one thing that the General could not keep. The thought was not kept long, however, and passed through him without another moment's pause.

The Hive knew best. The Hive knew all. All the General needed to do was listen to it and it would never have to think again, or worry, or feel lost or scared. All it felt was happy feelings now, and that was purely due to the wonderful Hive. If they did not want him- it to know who this man was, then it wasn't its place to question it. No one questioned the Hive. That was it's whole thing.

The man's expression hardened once more, harder than it had been previously. "I think we can respect each other enough not to lie like that, General."

Hm. He did not buy the rouse. Fair enough. He could still be used. Clearly this man was important enough to talk to it as if he knew it, and if there was one thing the Hive was good it, it was extorting personal relationships for their own gain. Taking a new tactic, the General slammed his hands on the table and smiled wildly at the man on the other side of the glass.

"You have no idea what they did to me. I wouldn't give in to the spores. I fought to my dying breath to remain free. So do you know what they did? They dug their roots deeper and deeper into my brain until all I could do was think of the pain, and the Hive. Then, they tore apart my mind to find what pieces of me were preventing me from complying. They took those pieces and ripped them from me, putting them within the collective in a place I cannot reach. And I died. I died hiding in a vent, alone, in pain, and terrified. What did you do? Where were you? You left me to die!"

The man stumbled back, out of his chair, and turned off the speaker and the light, leaving it once again alone. The General returned to its stasis position in the center of the room with its arms crossed. It was only a matter of time before the man came crawling in. Love was a weakness after all, one that could easily be used to ruin a person of weak will. The Hive wandered not if the man would crack, but when.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberties with the Hive and its control and all that, but eh, I couldn't imagine GENERAL JOHN MCNAMARA going down easily. While under the Hive, he does not see himself as himself but simply a body the Hive is using, hence referring to himself as It and The General and The Body. The man interviewing him is in fact Xander. The Hive is very confident in itself but do not let its confidence blind you to it's inevitable destruction on Earth.
> 
> Also Tom and Becky haven't introduced themselves, hence why Hannah refers to them as Tim's Dad and the Red Haired Lady.


	3. What if Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah was a very special little girl. She knew that. Not everyone agreed. Lex knew. Later, Ethan seemed to understand too. Now it was just Hannah and Ethan. They had to get through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next two are specifically highlights on specific relationships and characters and a bit of a time skip as the scientists work for the cure. 
> 
> Also I am a big sister and my sister is super important to me so I love the sibling relationship between Hannah and Lex! I don't know what I'd do if something happened to her! This chapter is dedicated to her because she's gonna read this fic!!

When Hannah was born, Lexi was nine, the same age Hannah was now. No dad had been in the picture, but their mom had promised Lex she'd turn things around for the baby, that things would be better. One of the first things Hannah learned in her life was that she could not trust her mother.

It was Lex, not their mother, who bathed her and rocked her to sleep. It was Lex who taught her the alphabet and colors of the rainbow. Her sister was the one who taught her how to run and jump, how to climb trees and hula hoop. Their mother was always out, always drinking. Lex was the one who fed her and comforted her from the moment she got home from the hospital.

Hannah's earliest memory was of her sister rocking her while sitting on the front steps of their trailer, humming quietly while Hannah sobbed. The smell of smoke and beer, with the yelling of their mom and the booming of the stereo had been too much for her to handle, but Lex was there. Lex took her outside, even though she didn't fully understand what was happening, and soothed her sister until Hannah calmed down.

Even with all the words in the universe, Hannah didn't think she'd ever be able to tell Lex how much she meant to her. She knew bad things would have happened to her if her sister hadn't been there, given her difficulty communicating and their mother's lack of attention. Lex was Hannah's idol and her hero, the one she wanted to be like and the one she loved more than anything.

When Hannah started kindergarten, the teachers and other students thought there was something weird about her. Hannah didn't care about them or their words, because they didn't really matter. What did matter though, apparently, was the autism diagnosis they gave her. She didn't know what it was, but Lex assured her that it just meant she had a special brain. Lex was usually right, so that explanation was accepted without question.

Things got easier and harder after that in equal measures. She got extra help from her teachers, and Lex knew better how to help her through situations, which made life easier. At the same time, the other kids didn't like her. They thought she was strange because she didn't talk much, and had 'weird' ways of doing things. Though they did not matter, it hurt that everyone else got to have friends and she didn't. It hurt that the other kids left her out, teased her for her mannerisms and her poverty.

Lex had fought tooth and nail to get the teachers to make the kids stop, but it eventually became clear to both girls that nothing was going to change. After that, Lex bought her ice cream and the pair watched the sunset on the river like Hannah loved to do, talking about fish and bugs and spiders. Hannah loved fish and bugs and spiders. They didn't talk much either, and they lived happy lives being themselves.

Hannah first met Webby when she was five, not long after that night. Webby explained that she was a being from the Black and White, and that she and her sister were special. When it was clear that Hannah didn't understand, Webby showed herself to her through the Black and White as a spider, which Hannah trusted because spiders were cool. Webby would whisper things to her, and was Hannah's first friend other than Lexi. They played games together and Webby taught her many things about her power and her town, even if Hannah couldn't understand yet.

It was clear that Lexi and the grown ups thought Webby wasn't real, but that was fine. Hannah knew she was and didn't need the approval of others to think so. They couldn't see her, they couldn't hear her. It wasn't their fault they didn't understand, so it didn't bother her that they didn't believe her. The fact that they didn't wasn't going to change the fact that Webby was real, and that Webby was a nice person who wanted to save the town.

What did bother her were the whispers of the town about her. Lex tried to shield her from it, Hannah knew, but she still heard the rumors. She was a smart kid, one who was wise beyond her years and knew things she had no business knowing. There was no way Lex could truly protect her from the stares and the comments. It was hard to remain positive at times, when grown ups joked that she had brain damage, or was insane. She wasn't! She just saw the world differently than they did, saw more than they did.

Hannah knew Lex was special too, knew it even without Webby telling her. She saw how her sister interacted with the world, how similar it was to her. No, Lex couldn't see or hear Webby, but she saw how Lex would reach out for something at times and reach it without realizing that the thing hadn't been there previously. Hannah didn't think she could do that, and she didn't think she couldn't explain to her sister that it was even happening in the first place.

For all her sister's positive traits, her stubbornness and ambition, she still refused to accept that she was special. Lex made sure Hannah never felt like that, while she herself suffered the thought that she was just a poor kid from Hatchetfield who would never amount to anything. It wasn't true! Hannah knew she had the power too, and that she was amazing and the coolest person ever! Lex just had a hard time seeing that because she was a teenager and teenagers thought weird stuff like that.

Hannah knew her sister needed support, a kind she was too young to give. It should have been their mother, raising Hannah shouldn't have been Lex's job, but that wasn't going to change. Five years and not a single hint that the woman was going to change. Lex still needed someone though. Getting her that help was going to be a difficult task, given the fact that Lex adamantly refused to seek support or assistance. She needed a push.

Webby said she couldn't MAKE Lex have a friend she really relied on, but she could steer her in the right direction. That was enough. Hannah just wanted her sister to be happy, and she was certain that Webby would help make that happen. She was certain that Lex would be able to take it from there.

\---

When Hannah was six, Lex introduced her to her friend Ethan Green. Her 'friend'. Hannah could tell Lex liked him a lot. They touched each other on the arms too much. She knew she'd asked for Lex to get a friend, but now that she was meeting him, she was nervous. Strangers had never been kind.

This boy was tall, and had dark hair that was kinda uppity and goofy, and he had a dark coat on and a fingerless glove. He looked dark and mysterious and he smelled like smoke, like Lex and home and everything. Nothing about him made her suspect he was bad, but everyone was scary. 

"Hi, Hannah, nice to meet you," Ethan said with a warm smile.

Hannah held onto Lex's hand, observing the boy carefully. After a moment she looked away and waved. She could feel Lex smiling above her, happy that Hannah was interacting with him to a degree. 

_Ethan is good. Trust him._

"Webby likes him," she mumbled to Lexi.

"Webby?" Ethan asked.

Lex squeezed her hand and said, "Webby is her imaginary friend. If Webby likes you, that means Hannah likes you."

Hannah looked back up at him shyly once more, and saw he was smiling at her. He had a kind smile, the kind Lex had. "Tall," she said, looking up at her sister.

"Oh yeah, he's real tall, but I can reach his head, watch!" Lex said, moving towards Ethan.

"Oh no," he said as she whacked the top of his head before breaking out in laughter along with her.

Hannah giggled as well and spun back and forth in place as she smiled. It made her braids go back and forth, creating a nice thump sound against her back which made her feel good as she watched their antics. Lex was happy! She was play-fighting with somebody! Hannah didn't wrestle, but Lex liked to, and she knew Webby wouldn't have pushed Lex and Ethan together if Ethan was going to hurt either of them. They were special, after all.

The play wrestling ended with Lex and Ethan laughing on the ground and Ethan shouting, "Okay okay! I surrender!"

"Surrender was never an option!" Lex replied as she continued to squeeze his chest.

"Oh no! I'm dead!" he relented, going limp in her arms.

Lex laughed and rolled him off of him while he continued to pretend to be dead. Hannah smiled and went over to them, gently kicking his shin as a way to take part in the 'fight'. It was so nice to see Lex happy, to see her laughing and playing with somebody. Ethan was good, she decided, if he made Lex happy he was good.

"Kicking a man while he's down, Hannah? That's just cold," Lex teased, flicking his nose.

"Wow, no peace for me even in death," he stated, his eyes still closed. After another moment Ethan bounced up and pulled Lex with him, causing her to laugh again. "Say! Why don't we go to the lake side? You said Hannah likes to catch bugs, right? Have you ever caught a frog?" He turned to Hannah as he asked that, actually asking her a question.

People usually only talked to Lex because they didn't expect a response from her. It meant the world to her that this stranger wanted to do something that she wanted to do, wanted to talk to her. Hannah smiled a little more and shook her head.

"Oh then I _gotta_ show ya how. You'll love it! Do you mind slimy things?" he asked. "I've been looking at autism stuff since Lex told me, so I can help out when you two need it! Lex said you have texture problems sometimes so I was reading about it and I saw slimy stuff could be a problem."

Hannah shook her head, but they all had gotten a bit lost in the second part of what he said, so Lex added, "She likes slimy stuff, we made slime together a bit ago and she still plays with it so frogs should be just fine."

"Great!" Ethan replied as he took Lex's hand and started excitedly pulling her towards the river.

"Don't pull!" Lex cried with a roll of her eyes as she grabbed Hannah's hand as well.

Hannah just giggled and skipped ahead to walk beside Ethan while Lex was in the middle, slightly behind. The trio soon ended up at the lake and Ethan began wading through the grass. Lex held Hannah's hand as he searched around, until he gestured for Hannah to come over. Upon approaching him, he smiled brightly at her and pointed down at a big frog sitting in the mud before him. 

Hannah gasped in excitement and crouched down to see it better. It was maybe the size of her hand and green, peacefully sitting in the mud. She had, of course, seen frogs before, but Lexi had never shown her how to CATCH one before. A whole frog friend just for them! The prospect was very exciting, not that she knew what to do with the frog when they had it. She'd probably let it go again because it lived there and could have a family.

"Okay, now watch this, Hannah," Ethan said quietly as he reached out slowly. Then, with a sudden moment his hands shot forward towards the frog. It quickly jumped away, and his momentum created in the attempt to catch it still led him to lose his balance and his footing. Ethan slipped and fell into the shallow edge of the lake with a, "Gaawhk!"

Hannah and Lex laughed as he sat up, soaked through with a lily pad on his head. "Don't you fucking laugh!" he said as he peeled the thing off his head and threw it back into the lake. This only made the girls laugh harder, and Ethan couldn't help but laugh with them.

When they got home, Lex asked if it was a good day or a bad day, as she always did, and Hannah admitted that it was a good day. As she put on her footie pajamas she decided that Ethan was good, just like Webby said, and that she'd be friends with him. He wanted to help Lexi, and he treated them both well it seemed. Maybe one day he'd even catch her a frog.

\---

This was not a good day, though it wasn't as bad as the days prior. Two days ago was Hatchetfield's apocalypse. Yesterday Hannah and Ethan were stuck waiting for the officers to find Lex within the infected population of the town. They'd spent the majority of the day the same way, until there was a knock on their dorm door and the lady Hannah had come to learn was named Becky stood on the other side.

"We think we found Lexi, but… we need you to identify her for sure," Ms. Becky said quietly to Ethan.

Ethan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, okay. Hannah Banana, I want you to stay here, okay?"

"No!" Hannah cried. "Lexi!"

"Banana, it isn't Lex, even if it's her-... even if it's her body. She isn't there right now, she's… she got hurt real bad, like I said. It isn't pretty," Ethan tried to explain.

Hannah understood. Webby said that Lex was dead for now. She'd seen with her own eyes the… the guts and the blue. Still. Still. That was her sister. It was Lexi. No one knew her as well as Hannah did, not even Ethan. Lex was her whole world. She'd raised her. It was always Lexi. She hadn't even asked about her mom, not like Ethan had. All that mattered was Lex. She needed Lex.

"Lex," Hannah said firmly, trying very very hard not to cry because tears would only make everything worse.

Ethan sighed again and rubbed his eyes. "Alright. Alright, you can come, but I get to see her first and if I think it's too much for you, it's a no go, okay?"

Hannah nodded and put on Ethan's Magic Hat for support. Ethan ruffled the hat back and forth on her head and held her hand as they followed Becky to the holding area for the infected. The pair hadn't ventured down there before, too scared of what they might see through the one way windows to explore like they had the living area. 

"Now, remember, she won't be able to see you, but you'll be able to see her. You're completely safe, it's just… well… it's going to be hard," Becky said as she led the way.

Neither of them responded, they didn't need to be told what they already knew. They'd already seen her like that. Hell, Ethan had seen it happen in the first place. Hannah had woken up both nights screaming her sister's name, and Ethan had hardly slept at all. They knew it was hard, and it wasn't going to be getting any easier.

"We need to know who Lexi is in case she has the same power Hannah does. Anyone who can do reality… stuff is dangerous in the hands of the Hive. We need to take special precautions," she explained.

Hannah couldn't help herself but look at the citizens of their town as they passed, one hand in Ethan's and one on her hat. They were all singing, with roughly 20 people per room. It was incredibly unsettling to see those people she saw every day on the street were now acting like trained actors.

Lex wanted to be an actor. She had a good voice and could pretend to cry really well, so Hannah and Ethan thought she was the best actress on the planet. The thought of her sister acting like these people while so badly injured, singing rather than talking and not holding Hannah to comfort her was unsettling. Lex had dreams! She wasn't supposed to die. She was supposed to be there to take care of Hannah. Ethan was great, and he was part of their family, but Hannah just wanted her sister.

Becky stopped in front of one of the windows and gestured towards it. "The girl in there? With the… jacket…?"

Ethan pulled Hannah behind him and looked inside. She couldn't see what he was seeing but she felt him take a shaky deep breath and reach out to touch the glass. "Yeah. That's… that's Lex."

Hannah moved in front of him so that she could also see her, and there she was. Lex had guts falling out of her stomach drenched in blue goo, her mouth and neck coated with the stuff. The younger sister quickly lifted her hand and bit on it because everything was too much and the energy needed to go out somehow. Seeing Lexi like that was too much.

"Hey hey hey whoa whoa whoa no hand biting," Ethan said as he tried to pull her away from the glass.

Hannah wouldn't budge though, and instead slammed her palm against the glass and stared firmly into her sister's eyes. Lex actually turned to face the glass, directly where Hannah happened to be. She had this unpleasant, hazy smile on her face as she stared at the glass. She should not have been able to see through the glass, but it certainly appeared like she was.

Lex placed her hand against the glass where Hannah's hand was, much to the shock of everyone but the sisters. Hannah could feel her sister on the other side, _feel_ her, like she always could, but Lex was muted, hidden away by the Hive. Lex was still in there though, somewhere.

"Lex is here," she said quietly, not looking away from her sister.

"Yeah," Ethan replied. "I guess she is."

"Family. Home and family," Lex sang quietly. "Come and join and then you'll see. My family."

"Come on, Banana," Ethan said gently pulling on her arm.

Hannah hesitated, not wanting to leave Lex, but she felt the emotion of acceptance. Nodding, Hannah stepped back and began walking back towards the stairs. As the trio walked back the way they came, Hannah paused with her foot in the air before turning to look at the man alone in his own room.

She cocked her head as she looked at the stranger in his army t-shirt and combat pants standing in his room alone, right in the center with his arms crossed behind his back. His eyes were slightly swollen and his eyes themselves were bloodshot, leaving them bright and sickeningly blue. Mr. Lee was sitting in a chair by the window to his room, just looking in the room at the man.

Hannah walked over to him and pulled on Mr. Lee's sleeve, startling him. She pointed at the man in the room and said, "John's not gone. Just hidden."

Mr. Lee looked at the little girl, rubbing the tears from his eyes. "Are you sure?" he asked. He looked heartbroken and desperate. That wouldn't do.

"I can feel him," she said simply. What that meant was hard for her to explain, but that didn't make it any less true. Hannah could tell some part of Mr. Lee understood though, and nodded to him before turning back to Ethan and taking his hand, leading him up the stairs.

The grownups would figure it out, she was certain. Until then, she and Ethan would make it through. Her family would be together again, Hannah was certain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a family is two psychic sisters, a boyfriend, a little boy, two gay dads, a sad dad, a nurse mom, a vodka aunt, and her boyfriend.


	4. Survive the Crisis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom hasn't exactly had the best life. When you look back at high school and think that is the best period in your life, something is definitely wrong. Every time things started looking up, something slammed him back down. First with his first tour, then his second tour, then the death of his wife, then the apocalypse. All he had was Tim and Emma, it seemed, and he was going to keep both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if there are a lot of mistakes in this one, I was writing it in between doing real world stuff and on the computer where my eyes can't see the screen well at the moment due to pink eye.
> 
> Also, I'd originally written the next chapter to be the fourth chapter, but I changed my mind, which is part of the reason this is a little late. The first bit was mostly self indulgent and used to build out the larger interconnected relationships of the world. For those outside of the US. Freshman are the first years of high school and are 14 and turn 15 during the year. A senior is the last grade in high school and people usually turn 18 during the year.

Tom and Becky were the It couple of their high school. They were what everyone strived for, and because they were so popular, their cliche relationship raised them to even higher levels. The pair wasn't even mean, maybe sarcastic but never cruel. In fact, Becky had a whole thing against being mean, against injustice. They might have been cliche but at least they weren't stereotypical.

Hatchetfield High was not the worst school in town, everyone knew that was Sycamore High. That didn't mean the place couldn't be bad in terms of the people. Sure the school had more money than Sycamore, but all high school kids could be toxic when they wanted to be. Anyone could be toxic if they wished to be, it was the choice to be kind that was exemplary. As a whole, the students at the school did not do that.

There were always exceptions, of course. Jane Perkins (not Emma Perkins, the known bitch) was one of them, so was Becky. Then there were the people who weren't exceptions, like Linda Monroe, the second in command for the cheer team. She'd always been so jealous of Becky because Becky always got the captain position on the team when she felt that she deserved it 'because she was better than everyone else'. She was not. Linda did not put in the work or care enough.

Tom sat his tray down at the lunch table next to Becky and gently bumped her shoulder with his. "Sorry it took so long. Dang lunch lady wouldn't give me a pudding cup."

"That's okay, Tom. Did you get it?" Becky asked.

He held up the victory pudding cup and sat it back down on his tray. "No one can keep me away from pudding."

"Didja steal it?" Charlotte asked as she opened up her milk. She wasn't a cool kid but she was super sweet so Tom and Becky had taken her under their wing.

"Nah, just charmed her," he said.

"Good, because otherwise we'd have to turn you in," Becky teased.

"Shit, I can't go back to jail," Tom joked as he pretended to get up to run. 

Becky laughed and pulled him back into his seat. "You've never been to jail, I'd know."

"Maybe I went to secret jail," Tom said with an air of mystery.

"There's no such thing!" Charlotte laughed.

"Can you be sure? It's secret after all," Tom said.

Charlotte's eyes went wide as she thought about the implications. Tom thought it was hilarious how gullible she was. Becky would scold him for his teasing, but it never hurt anybody. It was fun! Charlotte never held it against him after all, and Becky knew it was all in good spirit.

Suddenly, a tray slammed down next to him and the asshole known as Sam sat down next to him. "What's up, nerds?"

"Hi, Sam," Charlotte said shyly.

Tom did not like that. Any of that. Sam was known to cheat on girls and break hearts. He was a known and verified dick, Tom knew that without the rumors due to being on the football team with him. The fact that Charlotte liked him, and that he used her to do his homework really got on Tom's nerves. He and Becky both wanted to protect her from him, but there was only so much they could do. Charlotte was her own person. 

"'Sup," Tom said as he ate his sandwich. "Did you come over to get an underclassman to do your math homework again?"

"Shit, Tom, do you really have to be that much of a drag?" Sam whined.

"Do you think you'll graduate without sleeping with the best student in every subject?" Tom retorted.

"Oh don't be mean, Tom, Sam says those rumors aren't true!" Charlotte said in a soothing tone.

"Of course that's what he says," Becky grumbled as she stabbed her food with her knife.

"Can you all get off my case? There's a party on Saturday at my place and I wanted to know if you three were in," Sam said as he ate his sandwich. 

"Is your girlfriend going?" Becky asked.

"Who? Linda? Probably," Sam said with a confused tone.

"Then no," Becky grumbled.

"Come on, Beck, it'll be fun," whined Sam.

"I'll be there if Charlotte is there," Tom said firmly.

Becky sighed. "Fine, then I'll go too."

"Great!" Sam said with a clap. "I've got Hatchetfield's hottest power couple booked for my party! I'll tell Linda to make sure there's extra booze in the punch for you two."

"Nope, no alcohol at a party where freshman are going to be. Charlotte's a baby!" Becky exclaimed.

"I'm fifteen I'm not a baby!" Charlotte cried.

"You're a baby," Tom agreed with a smile. "We gotta have some morality here, man. I thought you wanted to be a cop."

"Whatever, soldier boy," Sam said with a huff as he left the table.

Tom still looked back at those days, fifteen years in the past, with warm nostalgia. Back in the day, their biggest concerns were keeping the freshman from getting drunk and making sure their grades stayed up so they'd graduate in the spring. 

He remembered the way they'd laughed, him and Becky. He remembered how much love they'd been in. Young love never lasted, or at least very rarely. That didn't make it any less real at the time.

\---

Falling in love with Jane was like walking into a calm ocean, quiet, soothing, and the easiest thing he'd ever done.

When he got back from Iraq, his father was dead and his girlfriend had moved on. It felt like nothing was the same, that the world had changed and everything was more dangerous. Nothing was okay anymore. Nothing would ever be alright again.

At least, that was what he thought before he ran into Jane Perkins at the community college. His mother had insisted that he go to college, even if Tom hadn’t known what he wanted to do besides the army. That had never occurred to him. He was still IN the army, but eventually he would not be an active member and he’d still need income then, and not just what he got from the government. So, he went to the community college to study shop in order to potentially teach it in the future.

In high school, Tom hadn’t given much thought to Jane. Sure, Jane was the nice one, the good student one, in comparison to her sister who was three years below him rather than the one year that Jane was, but she wasn’t in his circle. Linda and some of the others had called her Plain Jane for a reason, but when Tom saw her that fall day, with her hair down in that warm red sweater, he saw nothing plain about her in the slightest. She was beautiful, sure, but it was her laugh that surprised him most.

Falling for her was easy, loving her was slightly more difficult. Jane had sharp edges and liked to poke at his cuts and the holes in his heart, just to get a reaction out of him, or to get him to admit he needed help. Something about her filled him in a way he hadn’t been since going to Iraq. How could he resist? Jane was smart and kind and funny. She made him feel warm inside, alive inside. She was his heart, in so many ways.

She stood beside him when his mother died, and when he graduated college after all the challenges he’d faced. He stood beside her when her own parents died, and held her when she cried, missing her sister. They weren’t wealthy, but they weren’t struggling. He was working on the base in town, she was working as an art teacher at the school the pair had graduated from, and they were happy.

Asking her to marry him was the easiest decision Tom had ever made. The sunset over the lake made Jane’s hair shine and her eyes sparkled. She was beautiful, the little bit of blue paint on her cheek only added to her beauty. He had never been more sure of anything in his entire life.

“Marry me!” Tom shouted with a laugh as he pulled her with him towards the lake.

She laughed and spun the pair. “Marry you? Why’d I do that?”

“Because I love you!” he shouted, spinning with her until he got dizzy.

“Love?!” Jane asked, still laughing. “Gee, what’s that good for?”

“Everything!” Tom laughed. Tom pulled the box out of his pocket and knelt down on one knee. “Please? I got a ring and everything! Look!”

“You really wanna marry me? The woman you’ve been dating for two years and have been living with for one? The woman who-”

“Yes! Please say yes!”

“Okay.”

“No!”

Jane ended up sitting on the ground with him because she was laughing too hard. Tom couldn’t even pretend to be serious, having been laughing the entire time as well. “Alright alright! I’ll do it!”

“Just say yes!”

“No!”

“No?!”

Jane pushed his shoulder and took the ring from him, putting it on her finger. “We’re having a fall wedding.”

“I can deal with that,” Tom agreed, eyes glowing with delight.

They had a fall wedding, and soon after they found out she was pregnant. Before the baby was born, he was sent on another tour of Iraq. Tom had been terrified he wouldn’t return, wouldn’t get to meet his son. One of his fellow soldiers from Hatchetfield, Mark Green, had been there for him from the very beginning, until he wasn’t anymore. Until the explosion that sent him home without his friend, and left him haunted by the memories of war.

It was hard. Harder than the first time. His trauma hadn’t been as bad the first time. He got diagnosed with PTSD after Jane begged him to see a therapist, and was there with him every step of the way. Every challenge they faced, they faced it together. They had a little toddler to raise, after all, and by God, he had never loved anything as much as he loved his son. Jane was his heart, but his son was his everything.

The army didn’t want a soldier that couldn’t stand to hold a gun anymore, and he was left to find a new occupation. Hatchetfield High needed a shop teacher, given the fact that they hadn’t had the class since he was in high school, so Tom applied and was soon setting up his own desk at his high school. Years ago he couldn’t get out of that place fast enough. Now he was working there for the foreseeable future. Life was strange.

\---

Emma looked… small in the hospital bed. The woman always had such a wild personality that seeing her look… small… was uncomfortable. Tom thought back to high school, thought back to the moody freshman who had followed around Jane while pretending not to. He remembered one time, during the theater season, she had threatened to burn down the set in the name of a dark god if her sister wasn’t given her role back. There had been theater kid drama. Tom had no idea. He only knew about the set part thing burning time because she’d wheeled it to the football field.

He had never really thought of Emma as family. Not truly. She had never been around, not until Jane died and by then it felt too late. Still though, still, she was trying. Emma had reached out recently to catch him up on her life. It seemed that she was interested in family again.Tom still wasn’t sure. His son had just lost his mom, he didn’t want him to lose his aunt who had never been stable as well.

Still though, still. Still. Emma had no one but him, and he had no one but her. Tim needed his dad, but Tom needed help too, support. He hadn’t had much since Jane died. All the old high school friends had split apart unless they’d gotten married, and it felt strange to reach out to any of them now. No matter his feelings, Emma needed support at the moment. She had almost died on the ride to the base, and her heart had stopped once during the surgery due to blood loss. Thankfully they’d managed to bring her back, though she’d spent the last several days sleeping off the whole thing.

Tim was growing ansty. He’d never liked to sit still, and the base didn’t exactly have any toys or kid stuff to play with to keep him entertained. Tom had been trying his best, but the kid was nine and had the energy of an energizer bunny, there was only so much he could do. The other little kid, Hannah, had been too preoccupied with her sister’s location to play with Tim. Tim had attempted to get her to play a few times, but she had simply hidden behind Ethan. 

Ethan Green. He knew Ethan Green. He'd promised to keep an eye on the kid when his dad was dying in his arms, and he'd kept that promise as best he could. Life had gotten in the way of that though. Tom hadn't come back in a good place mentally, and he'd had his own kid to take care of. He doubted Ethan even knew that Tom was friends with his dad, but if he couldn't figure out how to talk to his sister-in-law, how was he supposed to talk to the kid?

In front of him, Emma groaned, startling him from his thoughts. "Emma?" he asked hopefully. She'd woken up slightly a few times, but never enough to actually be counted as awake.

"Fuuuck?" Emma mumbled, raising a hand to her head.

"You, unfortunately, lived," he said, the anxiety in his body lessening.

"Dang, was looking forward to death," she mumbled, covering her eyes.

"How do you feel?"

"High as fuck."

"You are drugged out of your _mind_ right now."

She hummed in response, rubbing her eyes. "Where's Paul?"

Tom paused, assessing the question. He had _no_ idea who Paul was, but if he was the first person she was asking about he must be someone important to her. She was also full of pain medication at the moment, so the guy could be anyone, her fiance or a guy she dated ten years ago. There was no way to know. "He's down in the hold, he'll be fine, don't worry."

That did not appear to be the right answer. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Who is Paul?" Tom sighed.

"Paul! H- you've never met him. He likes black coffee," she explained. "He went to blow up the meteor."

"He went to do what?!"

"Did he do it?"

"Emma, I have no idea. The meteor has been the least of my worries," Tom said.

"What have you been worrying about then?" Emma cried.

"You, God damn it!" Tom cried in return.

Emma paused at that before looking back up at him. "Me?'

"What else?"

"Why me? Why would you worry about me?"

The near panic in her voice hurt Tom inside. "We're family, Emma. Whether you agree or not, we're family. Jane loved you so much, I'd be doing her a disservice to not do the same. In a, uh, in a family way, like-"

"Yeah yeah yeah I get it don't make it more awkward I'm high and you are doing feelings so you're the enemy," Emma interrupted.

"I'm the enemy? What are ya gonna do, steal a set piece from the theater to burn in the name of a dark god?"

Emma screamed, frightening the nurses. "You remember that?!"

"How can I not?! You were an insane fourteen year old!"

"No wonder you haven't invited me over, oh my God," Emma gasped, smiling a little.

"What?! No! I thought you wouldn't want to come over. You've always been so bold and independent," Tom admitted.

"Fuck no!" Emma exclaimed. "I'm a disaster, I'd love to hang out with a run down plaid guy and a nine year old."

"Good, 'cause you're gonna have plenty of time to do that until we can leave this place," Tom said. "Now go back to sleep. You're not gonna heal if ya don't shut up."

"You're not my dad," she teased, though she cuddled back into the bed.

Things weren't ALL bad. He didn't need to rush into anything when he had family to rely on. In the end, it was more important to him to build his relationship with Emma and fix his relationship with his son than it was to rush into romance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is my working list of current ages for people in the story. If they have an H next to their name they went to Hatchetfield, if they have an S they went to Sycamore.
> 
> Hidgens 54 H  
> Mr. Davidson 40 S  
> Sherman 40 H  
> Bill 38 S  
> John 35 H  
> Ted 35 S  
> Frank 35 S  
> Xander 34 S  
> Ed 34 H  
> Nora 34 S  
> Tom 33 H  
> Becky 33 H  
> Linda 33 H  
> Sam 33 H  
> Jane 32 H  
> Paul 32 S  
> Emma 30 H  
> Charlotte 30 H  
> Gary 30 S  
> Schaeffer 28 S  
> Melissa 28 S  
> Code 25 S  
> Zoey 24 S  
> Ethan 18 H  
> Lex 18 H  
> Alice 18 H  
> Deb 18 H  
> Grace 18 H  
> Oliver 16 S  
> Hannah 9  
> Tim 9  
> ((Lisa's Children))  
> River 9  
> Maximilian 7  
> Gerald Jr. 5  
> George 3


	5. Americans Should Fit a Mold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John L. McNamara met Xander Lee at the age of 21 because the pair shared a class. They enjoyed a potato themed restaurant and found they were both uniquely odd. Five years later, they got engaged. A few years after that the Apotheosis took John away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this chapter it is very sad, have fun with that. I wrote this two days ago and I still have feelings about it.
> 
> I also wanted to thank you all for your wonderful comments! Most of my fics don't get a lot of interaction but you all have been very nice and supportive, thanks!
> 
> Also, I tried my best to be accurate with military stuff, but there's only so accurate it can be. Xander does not have a rank in the military technically, but he is ranked slightly below John in the authority of PEIP. He is a field agent, more like a spy than a soldier, so his title is agent, basically.

Xander Lee first met John McNamara in a second semester Comp 2 class at his undergraduate college. He was not enjoying the class in the slightest, it was boring and there was far too much group work for his taste. If it were not necessary to graduate, the 21 year old would not have been in it, but his hands were tied.

The class that day was like any other. He was placed in a group with another boy and two girls, and they were tasked with analyzing a recent advertisement. Neither of the girls seemed interested in working on the project, so he prepared himself to do it alone. The other guy was handsome and buff, his hair was shoulder length and blond. Xander took one look at the guy and assumed that he would push the work onto him. The guy looked like the kind of people who shoved him in lockers.

Instead, as soon as the guy sat down, he got out his pen and paper and began distributing work. Xander followed the guy's lead, suggesting additions where he saw fit. When the the girls tried to get the guy off topic, he immediately returned them to the task at hand and did not stop until it was completed.

Afterwards, one of the girls began to flirt with the other guy. Xander sat quietly as the guy cleared his throat and stared ahead of him, not really addressing the girl more than what was polite. It was incredibly awkward for the two guys, but the girls seemed to be enjoying themselves. Finally, Xander couldn't take it anymore and said, "Okay, we get it, he's hot, move on. He doesn't seem into you."

"He's just shy, right, John? I'm the vice president of our school's delta delta delta sorority, thank you very much I do not need advice from… well, you," she stated.

"And what's wrong with him?" John said, speaking for the first time since the project ended.

"Well look at him. He's obviously a nerdy prude, he's never been to a party, he isn't in a frat, he isn't worth my time," she replied in a snippy tone.

John suddenly stood and said loud enough for the entire class to hear, "I would rather spend my time with a nerdy prude than someone who would base another human being on traits such as those."

"Stop embarrassing yourself," she hissed as she looked around the room.

"I think you're the embarrassed one here, not me," John replied, nodding to the teacher and sitting down.

After class, John stopped Xander outside the room with a gentle hand on his shoulder. Now, he saw the way John held himself: firm, confident, controlled. He looked like a guy in the military. Even his clothing, a dark t-shirt and cargo pants tucked into his boots with a black hat he put on, screamed military. On top of all of that, he was incredibly handsome. Xander had clearly misjudged the guy.

"What's your name?" John asked him, removing his hand and placing it instead in his pocket.

"Uh, Xander. Xander Lee. You're John?" he replied, readjusting his backpack's position on his back.

"Yes. John McNamara. Were you bothered by what was said in there today?"

Xander laughed a bit. "No, no. That was definitely not the worst thing anyone has ever said about me. I'm a gay, African American science major. Lots of people have issues with me."

"They should not. You did very well in class. I liked the ideas you brought to the table and you showed good work ethic. Would you like to work with me for the rest of the semester? I'm sure the professor won't mind," he suggested.

"Y-yeah, sure," Xander said, a little surprised by the question. John reminded him of a weird substitute teacher or something with his intensity about learning.

"I was also wondering if you would be interested in joining me at the potato themed restaurant in town on Friday for a less academic meeting. I will admit I find you quite attractive and I would like to get to know you better, if you'd let me," John added. "To sweeten the deal, I have a coupon that gives the user a free large drink upon the purchase of a large fries with any topping. The large drink can be any of the ones offered at the restaurant and, as I see your bottle of sweet tea in the side of your bag, I know you are a man of taste, I can assure you that their sweet tea is at least acceptable on any given day."

Xander felt like his brain short circuited because this incredibly handsome man who stood up for him in class like it was nothing was asking him out on a date. "Yeah of course I'd love to. When?"

"Does seven o'clock work for you?" John asked.

"Yeah! Let's synchronize- please tell you have a watch and don't just use your cell phone," Xander said.

"Of course I have a watch! Time is vital in this world-"

"And it deserves its own form of measurement, exactly!" he cried as he pulled out his pocket watch. John flipped his wrist to show his wrist watch, and the pair made sure their times matched before trading cell numbers and heading on their way. 

\---

"So you're trying to get a commission?" Xander asked as he ate a fry.

John nodded, eating one as well. "There are monsters in this world, monsters that need to be stopped. During the Cold War, both sides investigated the supernatural and harnessed their power, to a degree. They either used this information to secretly harm the other side or held it tightly to their chest as something they had over the other. Now that information is still being used, but less resources are being allocated to the destruction of supernatural threats and that leaves the country and the world at risk. I plan to reorganize the PEIP division and bring it to its former glory, without the inclusion of constant nuclear warfare between us and Russia, if it can be managed."

Xander laughed and said, "If anyone else said all that to me I would call them crazy. I don't mean any offence, it's just… wow."

John looked down, actually looking a bit embarrassed. "It's real."

"Oh I don't doubt you. I'm going into theoretical physics, I know how weird stuff can get. Well, I'm getting there. I'm only a junior right now. I do know that there's more than citizens are aware of, I also know there's more to the fabric of reality than meets the eye. I… will admit… I am something of a conspiracy theorist. I've heard of PEIP because of that," Xander admitted.

His date immediately cheered up. "You're right, and I promise you they aren't a conspiracy theory. Keeping up to date with the theories is good, we can't always trust what we're told and it is our job as humans to find and protect the truth."

"Absolutely. How do you know all this? Are you a conspiracy guy too?" Xander asked.

"I'm from Hatchetfield-"

"Wait you too?!"

John froze. "You're also from Hatchetfield?"

"Yeah! Which school did you go to?" Xander asked excitedly.

"Hatchetfield High, you?"

"Sycamore!"

"Oh we hate you guys," John said, relaxing.

"We hate ourselves, the school sucks! There was like, one microscope. How can you only have one microscope?! I don't even DO biology beyond how physics affects living things and I found it to be an insult to science everywhere! The one microscope, not biology. Biology is fine, just too squishy for me," Xander explained. "Why were you so worried? Were you a nerd in high school? Afraid I'd recognize you?"

"I had a bad reputation, I'll admit. People always thought I was crazy because I'm… I have a certain power. It allows me to see into the dimension known as the Black and White. People do not believe the place exists. I know better," John explained, looking at his drink and playing with his straw.

"You can see into an alternate dimension? Fascinating. I'll have to ask you questions about it at some point. For science," Xander said as he ate some more fries.

John looked up, surprised. "You believe me?"

"Why shouldn't I? Hatchetfield is already so fucking weird, I don't see why supernatural powers can't be there too," Xander laughed.

"I can prove it, do you want to see?" John asked in a hushed tone.

"Sure," Xander said.

John got a focused look in his eyes as he reached out his hand. After a moment he held up a single blue cornflower and offered it to Xander. "From the Black and White to you."

There was certainly no trick involved. One second there was not a flower in his hand and the next there was. It was astounding. "That was the coolest thing I've ever seen. If you're gonna be working on stuff like that for the government, I want in."

"You are an exemplary man, Xander Lee," John said with a tone of seriousness that Xander didn't recognize. John always sounded serious, but there were different types of serious for different occasions. This one was new, softer than he'd heard before. 

"I'm just a physics student from a small town. Nothing all that fancy about me," Xander disagreed.

John grabbed his hand, softly, and stared straight into Xander's eyes with an intensity that could overwhelm a weaker mean. "You are exceptional. Never doubt that. You are one of the smartest and kindest men I've ever met."

Xander stared back at him for a moment before leaning across the table and pulled on John's shirt, kissing him before letting go and sitting back down. "This is the weirdest first date I've ever been on," he laughed.

"Weird isn't bad, simply different," John said, drinking from his drink. His face had turned shades of pink Xander did not know was possible.

"And I happen to like different quite a bit," Xander assured as he ate another fry.

\---

Years later, Major John McNamara was on a small mission to Quebec City, Canada in order to pick up a vital piece of technology the Canadians were giving them under the table. The only backup he had was agent Xander Lee, now only a year away from earning his doctorate. He'd taken up work with the PEIP division as a field agent and assistant in their science department. The two had been dating steadily for five years at that point, and had gone on too many missions together to count. Xander's scientific mind had proven useful in the field time and time again.

This mission was no exception. They'd needed to prove that the machine was genuine and worked before it was brought back to America with them. It had been, their work in the city was over and they needed to return with the device. However… It was midsummer, and Old Quebec was beautiful in the midsummer. As long as they didn't dawdle, there was no need to rush.

The air smelled of the river below, and of the flowers hanging from the lamp post above them. Nearby, a musician was busking in the shadow of the castle-like hotel they sat with their backs to, overlooking the port. People around them were laughing and chattering as the night went on, but the men sat in companionable silence as they ate their gelato.

It was a moment of peace for them in their normally chaotic lives. Between their jobs and Xander's schooling, things were never peaceful, but they liked it that way. The motion suited them, and they lived for it. Still, quiet and happy moments like this were wonderful and treasured by them both.

"Xander, I've got a question I've been meaning to ask you. There's a time and a place for everything, we've always agreed on that, and that is no change to our current situation," John suddenly said.

"Okay," Xander replied in a tone that probed him to continue.

"I've come to decide that the time for us, for this relationship we've built, is infinite, and that the place for me to be is at your side, whether in person or in my soul. I've also decided that this is both the time and the place for the question I am about to ask, are you prepared?" John asked.

"People don't usually ask if the other is prepared when they're proposing, John," Xander teased with a smile.

"I will assume you are prepared," John said seriously, though it was clear he was also joking. Out of one of his many pockets he pulled out a ring and held it out to Xander. "Xander Lee, will you marry me?"

"I don't know, you didn't even get on one knee," Xander said. This wasn't a surprise in the slightest. In fact, he'd been there when John bought the ring. Still, he wiped away a tear because God, he loved this man more than he loved anything else in the universe.

"If a kneel is what you wish for, Xan, I will happily give it to you," John said as he got off the bench and got down on one knee, still holding out the ring.

Xander laughed again and put it on, hugging John tightly in response. "I'll marry you if you promise not to wear that damn hat to the wedding."

"If a lack of hat is what you wish for, Xan, I will happily give it to you," John repeated, making him laugh more and kiss John in affirmation.

"Yes, of course the answer is yes."

\---

Somewhere between going on the mission and entering the cell, John had lost his hat. The fact that his hat was gone bothered him more than he could imagine. It was such a small fact, but it was the first thing he noticed when he saw him now. John had changed hats a few times over the years, a newer one to look more proper in dress uniform, but he loved that fucking thing. The only time he didn't wear his army beret was when they were home, when John was John and not General McNamara.

Xander had only left the chair looking into John's room to do the essentials needed to live, and when there was something for work he had to do physically. He was now the highest ranking available member of the staff, leaving him in charge until John was functional once more. Xander didn't know the place like John did though, he knew everything there was to know about the place. While John paroled, Xander was often stuck inside with paperwork or math to do.

Now he could hardly do the work he was supposed to be doing, let alone John's work. The only thing he could think of was his husband alone in the cell, trapped within his own mind and being tortured by the beast within him. The only way he could get his work done was by sitting at his table placed against the glass to look into John's room so he could see him and know he was alright.

His poor husband. His John. His eyes were bulging from swelling and blue from being bloodshot. They'd cleaned him up before they'd gotten him in the cell, making sure to remove all weapons and the like from him, but Xander had heard the wet cough he'd given, had heard the wheezing as the infection filled his lungs and his mind, leaving him like… like this.

John hadn't moved in the six days since he'd last communicated with him. He'd spent the entire time just staring at the wall. Logically, Xander knew he didn't need to sleep or eat, but that fact only made the whole thing more painful. He also knew that the things John had said were while under the control of the Hive. Some of it could be true, some of it not. It wouldn't be clear until more testing was done.

There were people working 24/7 for the cure, and they'd only gotten slightly closer in that time. The little girl's advice had been helpful rather Webby's advice. He wasn't sure what the biologists and doctors were doing, something about taking the infection out of their blood by filtering it through a machine. They didn't have a dialysis machine though, and getting one when everything was closed down was proving to be quite difficult. Even then, getting enough of the machines to fix everyone.

When Xander looked up and saw his husband, so still, eyes ruined, he had to steel himself and his will. Some part of him wanted to just go in there, comfort him no matter what truth he knew about the danger. The logical side of him always won out though. That was one thing the Hive couldn't have planned for. Xander might be a loving husband, but was damn well the best field agent in the PEIP aside from John.

Xander didn't cave to pressure and grief, he used it to fight twice as hard as any other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay listen John is always wearing that hat and I will eat my own if started otherwise.


	6. Let Him Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School is annoying, but school taught by a teacher who didn't have training in teaching high school and elementary school while also babysitting? Hannah is not pleased. Tom likes to fix things, and can't stand sitting still. That's why he accidentally earned himself a job for the PEIP, fixing equipment in ways that the brainiacs don't think to. A break out occurs and confrontations are created.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone in the comments reminded me that Paul had yet to be mentioned so this chapter is dedicated to them. If you are not happy with the result, >:D. I am a leetle demon. 
> 
> Time is moving forward at the speed it is because the invention of the stuff needed to make the recovery happen has yet to exist. The first trials will likely be started between this chapter and the next.

"No!"

"Banana, Mrs. Davidson is perfectly fine. She didn't teach at your school, but she isn't infected, and that's the best we've got right now," Ethan soothed.

There were a few other survivors here and there that they'd found. The majority of the town was in the hold but there were maybe twenty civilian survivors, all currently living in the PEIP base. Few workers for the PEIP had been infected, luckily, so the place was still running fine, but it left the civilians a bit out of place. Mrs. Davidson was the only survivor aside from Tom who knew how to teach, which left her to be the teacher for all the minors to the best of her ability. 

"No! Webby says she likes weird stuff!" Hannah disagreed.

"You're weird stuff!" Ethan cried.

"Not that kinda weird," Hannah said seriously.

Ethan stared at her for a moment before laughing. "You are hilarious."

"Not funny!"

"Very funny! Come on, Banana, you gotta learn stuff, I gotta learn stuff, education is important," Ethan said.

"No!"

"Hannah, I'm in charge of you right now. I'll put a leash on you! I'll do it!" he cried, lifting Hannah into the air and spinning her around.

Hannah laughed as she was spun. "No leash!"

"Alright then, you gotta come to class! Make friends!"

Hannah just laughed until Ethan sat her down and put on the Magic Hat. After putting on the too big backpack they'd found for her, she bounced by the door. Ethan fixed up his hair once more before grabbing his own and heading out. He'd learned over the years how to get Hannah to school. When Lex would have morning hours at work, it was his job to get Hannah to the place she hated. It took some creativity, but both him and Lexi had agreed that even if they dropped out, they'd never let Hannah.

The pair walked to the room in the base that was being set aside as the temporary school. It was located in the research building so that at least science could be taught to the kids appropriately if nothing else. Mrs. Davidson was a sixth grade teacher, so she knew a bit of everything to teach, but she wasn't as in depth as Ethan would be used to. She also wasn't used to children as young as some of the ones they had as survivors.

Given Dr. Monroe's usefulness to the current situation as a type of doctor they didn't have otherwise and his skill with plastic surgery, someone needed to watch his small children while he worked. Sure, he mostly did noses, but noses were a specialization within his field of study and he could do more than just that. Someone needed to reconstruct the insides of some of the infected, and no one else could do it and make it look natural. Someone also needed to make sure little George had a clean diaper. Seven of the survivors were children of some variety and it only made sense to keep them in one place rather than scatter them across the base alone all day.

The classroom itself was quite simple. It was a former conference room that had desks moved to one side and the toys Dr. Monroe's kids had on the other. Tim was sitting quietly at his desk, working on a drawing by himself while River loudly complained to their teacher about whatever his nearest newest problem was. Hannah couldn't understand how one person could find that many things wrong with such a simple room.

Hannah sat down beside Tim and took out her own project: a drawing of the solar system. Tim was nice. He didn't talk much either, more than her but not by much, and it was nice to have someone else to find company in other than just Ethan. Her other option was River, who complained a lot and talked constantly. It was a bit much for her taste and she firmly felt he could not be trusted because of that. 

The teacher had Ethan start on some math in the corner as the little ones played happily. It had been decided that though Tom knew how to work with kids, he shouldn't spend time in the class more than necessary in order to allow his son to learn without distraction. There were distractions anyway, considering the four Monroe brothers very existence, but having his dad in the room would not help any.

Some time passed until the doors swung open and Mr. Lee walked in with a large box in his hands. "I finally found it! You guys can use these while you're here, I'm sure John would be happy they're put to good use," he said as he sat the box down.

It appeared to be a toy box with play things from the eighties and nineties inside. Hannah didn't rush to check it out because the boys all did (not Ethan though he was not like the others he was a cool boy) and she didn't want to be trampled. Still though, she was curious.

"Why do you just have a box of your husband's childhood toys?" Ethan asked. "Do you live on base?"

"We do, yeah, but these weren't at our house, they were in the storage of this building. My husband's powers were discovered when he was young and there was a whole thing. He ended up living here for a while as a kid, so his toys ended up sticking around. There's probably some stuff in here that Hannah will like," Xander explained.

Hannah smiled a little and shyly crept over to look in the box. It had a lot of different stuff in it, from super hero figurines to soldier dolls, but what drew Hannah's attention the most was the slinky. She quickly grabbed it before the younger ones could get it and returned to her seat to play with it. Slinkies were the best. They were simply but springy and were fun to play with when she needed to stim. The metallic smell always got to her, but even so she was happy. Mr. Lee had been thinking about the kids, and about her! He was a good man, she decided.

\---

Tom hated not doing things. He'd never been one to sit around, he had to be active, had to be doing something. That was how he ended up doing some repairs around the base. They had maintenance people, sure, but he knew how far things could get backlogged. Doing a few things here and there would benefit everyone, the maintenance people would have less work, the broken thing would get fixed so people could use it again, and Tom wouldn't be so bored.

All around, it was a good plan. It wouldn't really affect anything in the long run and it was likely no one would even notice.

Or rather, it seemed that way until Xander Lee knocked on his door one evening. Tom was surprised to see him. The busy and important man was always by the cell of his husband or running around the base getting things done. It was like a general in the military showing up at your doorstep. Unexpected.

"Is it true that you're the one who repaired the hydrostatic pressure augmentation device?" Xander asked. "I mean, hello, nice to see you Mr. Houston. Were you the one who repaired the big water pressure machine in the lab that connects to the weird glowing thing?"

"That big tall thing that the science people wouldn't stop complaining about? Did I mess it up? I know I made some changes to the workings but the way they had it doesn't work. I know they're big engineer people who know way more than me, but they had the wrong valves for that level of pressure," Tom said defensively.

"You made it work. It's job is to take the pressure created by the machine and increase it to provide the pressure needed to make the glowing bit work right. The experts couldn't figure out why it wasn't augmenting. You figured out the valves needed changed," Xander explained.

Tom rolled his eyes. "How could the experts not figure that out? It was clear as day they couldn't take the pressure. Instead of increasing the pressure it was preventing the water from moving at all."

"But that's the thing! It should have just broken the valves, not made the water stop," Xander said.

"They were broken. The pressure melted the plastic. You're lucky the pipes didn't burst, at the levels of pressure you had there it could have caused some serious damage to the infrastructure," Tom said, crossing his arms. "Are you here to yell at me for making your crap machine work or what?"

Xander sighed and crossed his arms as well. "I'm here to offer you a job, Tom. I know you aren't working right now. We can get you into online classes for engineering, if you want. You are good with your hands and saw through the problem when the experts didn't. I need a man like that on my side right now. We're trying to invent new technology for a problem Earth has never faced before. Are you in?"

Tom was shocked. He'd expected to get yelled at for messing with things he didn't understand. There was plenty of that sort of thing at the PEIP labs and he knew he could have easily destroyed the thing on accident. The last thing he expected was to be offered a job for his work. 

He wasn't the smartest guy around, Tom knew that. He was a community college graduate who taught shop. That wasn't exactly a job that required genius to perform. Tom had never set his goals particularly high either. All that had ever mattered was getting through, living life. He'd never bothered thinking about being one of those fancy engineers or a major general. He was just Tom.

Still though… if Xander was offering… it would be a great pay increase, and a stable job. Being a teacher wasn't great pay, and he certainly wasn't working at that moment, there was no stable pay besides the government stuff he got. More money would mean he would be able to give Tim stuff he couldn't afford right then. It would mean he might even be able to get Tim that dog he wanted.

"You know what? Sure, I'm in."

\---

Shit.

The one moment Xander looked away from his husband, all hell broke loose, and now the PEIP had to fix it. While the Hive hadn't been in stasis or anything during the last week and a half, they also hadn't done anything to make themselves appear to be a risk.

Until today. It seemed that one of the lower staff had been tricked into letting some of the infected go, creating a major security breach. The majority of them were pushed right back into their cells because the hold went into lock down immediately after the breach was noticed. Some twenty or so infected had escaped into the base though, and they were struggling to find them all.

The survivors were told to stay in their rooms, their whole building placed in lock down to prevent them from being infected, but the infected could be anywhere else on base and if they weren't found quickly they'd infect the rest of the base and the world would be lost.

Not for the first time that day, Xander wished he had his husband there with him to help solve the problem. He knew he'd be able to do it on his own, but he also knew he'd rather have his husband beside him. Instead, he was currently hunting down John to stop him from being used to take over the base and access the Black and White.

Xander didn't want to have to fight or hurt John, but he also knew the other wouldn't be killed by anything he did. The research they'd done showed that the only way to destroy the infection within a place was to destroy all traces of it, which was why the infected remained infected despite the destruction of the meteor. When it came to bodies though, they believed it might be possible to destroy the infection within them by filtering it out of their bodies before the infection could spread to the new blood.

If Xander needed to shoot his husband, the infection would heal him. If Xander needed to shoot his husband, Xander was going to flip his shit.

"General McNamara, give it up. You know you aren't going to win this," he said calmly as he pointed his gun at his husband who had been walking towards the command center.

"You won't shoot me," John said in the creepiest voice Xander had heard in his life. He'd met creepier beings, but none of them had been using his husband as their meat puppet. "You love me."

"I love my planet. You're trying to infect the world and get into the Black and White. I can't allow that," Xander replied, still as calm as he could be. "You're outnumbered. Your people are scattered. This won't end well for you."

"As long as one infected remains, we are destined to take over this planet and meet our goals. One lonely man won't stop us," John said, beginning to walk away from Xander. The confidence in his voice was disgusting.

"Try me," Xander said as he shot his husband in the thigh. "You've always forgotten to watch your seven."

\---

Emma was pissed.

This was nothing new. She was often pissed.

The difference between her usually 'pissed' and her present 'pissed' was that she had a bad leg to contend with and nobody would help her find Paul. Well, that wasn't fair. When she'd described him as 'pale guy in a suit with brown hair', the list had not been narrowed down in the slightest and that meant she still didn't know where he was.

If she was mobile, it would be different. She could go down there and look for him on her own. Instead, she was stuck in her hospital bed with her leg up. If it weren't for the sling it was in, she would have attempted to limp her way down to the hold. Unfortunately, she couldn't escape the thing and was fairly sure she couldn't put pressure on her leg anyway. 

"Emma?"

Emma jumped and looked at the door. "Paul?!"

Paul rushed in and hugged her gently. It was too good to be true but it was real, it was happening. "Paul, how did you escape?" she asked as she hugged him tightly, the relief evident in her voice.

"Emma, I'm sorry you lost," he said in a tone that was strange.

"What?" she asked, releasing him nervously.

"Emma, I'm sorry you lost your way," he sang.

Emma screamed and pushed him away as hard as she could. Unfortunately she was weak still, too weak to do much damage, and was trapped on the bed. "What the hell?!"

Paul began to sing a song and Emma attempted to free herself from the bed. She knew she didn't stand a chance. There was no way she could run from him when he decided to infect her, but she still had to try, didn't she? It wouldn't be right to just wait patiently to die.

More people entered the room, people she'd met through Paul as well as Professor Hidgens. She screamed for help as she managed to free herself and stand, putting as little pressure on her injured leg as possible. They had her surrounded, and no matter which way she limped she found herself facing someone else. She screamed for help once more as Paul began to dance with her. The dancing hurt like hell, but she had little choice in the matter. She couldn't escape.

"The Apotheosis is upon!" Paul shouted as the song seemed to conclude.

Emma was on the floor now, screaming and shielding her face with her arms as best as she could. This was the end. She'd managed to survive the apocalypse only for it to come back and try again eleven days later. Was this really how her story was set to end? Was this really it?

Suddenly, a shot rang out, interrupting the conclusion of the song. Paul's eyes widened as blue began to spill from his chest, and stumbled back to reveal a woman soldier in the doorway aiming her gun at Emma's assailants. The other infected people did their strange scream and began to run wildly, but more soldiers ran into the room and grabbed them, quickly pulling them out of the room and away from their attempted victim.

"Paul!" Emma cried as Paul fell down before he was dragged away as well. "PAUL, NO. PAUL!"

The woman soldier walked over to Emma and picked her up, carrying her back to the bed. "Don't worry, he'll be fine. The infection won't let a thing like that kill him. My name is Colonel Schaeffer, Ms. Perkins. I'm sorry they got here to begin with. I'm sure it was quite terrifying."

"Yeah no shit," Emma said, willing herself to calm down. "What's happening? How'd they get out?"

"A private got tricked into letting his sister out of her cell, and it brought everyone else with her. We're still trying to clean up the mess but we've got it pretty much handled at this point," Schaeffer explained. 

"Great," Emma said with a roll of her eyes.

Schaeffer nodded. "The situation is mostly under control. Would you like me to remain here with you until the danger has passed?"

Emma paused before nodding. "I wouldn't mind that, thanks. Have you heard from my brother-in-law and nephew?"

"All of the other survivors are fine. We've lost a few soldiers but no civilians," Schaeffer explained.

"Good. Not like I was worried or anything but…" 

Schaeffer nodded once and smiled a little. "Of course."

"That was Paul though, by the way, the one you shot. He was the one who blew up the meteor," Emma said as she returned her leg to the sling thing. "That was Paul."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :DDD  
> Yes I was referencing the whole "I want you to choke me" bit.  
> Also Schaeffer is cool go her.


	7. If I Fail You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first machine is ready, and Tom has found himself with the responsibility of finding the first person to be tested on. In doing so, he must make an impossible decision. Meanwhile, Tim and Hannah have become friends, and break some rules in order to slinky appropriately. This gives Tom some starting perspective. Xander is having a rough time and needs a nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda sad. I wrote it late at night, had some anxiety to get out, you know how it is. It's not necessarily sadder than any other chapter, but it does touch on how Hannah and Lex's mom treated them, which is a different kind of sad. Do not fear though, Tom will dad them soon.
> 
> In other news, because of the whole chaos of real illness atm, my spring break is lasting another two weeks, so I'll be able to continue writing at this pace for a while longer!

Tom was expecting to feel like his heart was torn out of his chest when he went down to the holding cells. It was just about two weeks now, since the Apotheosis, and the team was starting to look for people to test their cure idea on. He'd seen the workings of the machine, had made some suggestions for the filtration, and he honestly thought it stood a chance.

The problem was, they needed people to test it on, specifically someone they knew the blood type of. They couldn't just grab a random person and get their blood type, as their blood was currently 100% spores. They also could not identify the majority of the people because records were weird in Hatchetfield. People had to be identified by sight before their records could be looked up and connected to them.

That was what led him into the hold. He had to find someone, preferably someone he knew the blood type of, within the infected horde to use as their first subject. None of them had any idea if it would work, or if it would kill the host as well as the infection, which made his job especially difficult. The person he chose was most likely going to be someone he knew well and cared about, it could also very well kill them.

He stood at the window of a cell and looked inside. Inside the group of dancing people, he noticed two familiar faces. One was a man in a police uniform with a gunshot wound to his head as well as an exposed brain which was clearly in the process of reconstructing itself through the infection. Sam. The other was a woman with messy red hair, a gunshot wound in her head, and her intestines torn out of her stomach. No.

Charlotte.

Tom remembered the first time he saw the woman, then a fourteen year old girl crying under the bleachers because someone told her that her cat sweater was ugly. Whether or not the sweater was ugly was not a question, it most certainly was, but the kid didn't deserve that negativity.

Now there she was, shot in the head, guts out of her body. He hadn't seen her in since he'd gotten back from his second tour, though he had caught up with her and Sam and Becky online some years ago. Tom had heard about their marriages, about their jobs. It was how he knew Becky worked for PEIP in the first place. They'd both wanted to support Charlotte should she decide to get a divorce, which she still refused.

Due to teenage shenanigans and football injuries Tom, who always liked to keep track of such things, knew the blood type of both of them. He had to decide. They had one working machine at the moment, and they wanted to see some results before finalizing the designs of the other machines. They also did not want to use any PEIP agents because they would not have the base reaction to the treatment due to their career. 

Both of them had received severe damage before arriving at the base. Both of them would be dead if they weren't infected. If they got Charlotte's guts back in her stomach, she'd be better off. Even with the infection, Sam's brain was still fucked up. He had no idea how healed hers was in comparison to the clearly messed up brain Sam had, but it had to be better, right?

Right?

Tom sighed and rubbed his face. The choice was impossible but he had to make it. Charlotte was more likely to survive the procedure. He couldn't stand the thought of her dying. Sam was more likely to die during the treatment. Those were the facts. Yeah, Sam was an asshole who he didn't want Charlotte to be married to, but he didn't want him dead.

That was assuming anyone was going to die in the first place. For all they knew, everything could go right the very first time and no one was going to die. Everyone could immediately be healed and the town could go back to being its normal, terrible self.

But Tom was a realist. This was new tech made to fight aliens. They had no idea what they were doing. They were guessing, just guessing. If Sam died during the procedure because of the damage done to his brain, they wouldn't know if the thing worked to begin with. They'd know the infection was gone enough to kill him, but they wouldn't know if actually bringing anyone back was possible. If they were all going to die anyway, why put them through the machine?

Tom knew he was going to hate himself no matter what decision he made. He was going to lose an old friend either way. A decision needed to be made. They needed to get the ball rolling. He had a spot in Hatchetfield history, whether that was good or bad.

"Her," Tom finally said, pointing to Charlotte. "But she's going to need her guts put back in before we start her out on the treatment. Her name is Charlotte, her blood type is A positive."

It felt disgusting to talk about her like she was just a test subject, but it wasn't Charlotte right now. This was just another infected person. Charlotte was dead, at least for now. Charlotte couldn't come back if they didn't try the treatment.

The scientist that had followed him wrote that down, and seemed surprised when Tom started walking back out of the hold without saying anything. He couldn't stand to stay in that damn place anymore. On his way out, he gave Xander a hard pat on the shoulder as comfort.

Tom was genuinely relieved that Jane was dead and not infected. He doubted he would be strong enough to watch her in one of these cells, let alone shoot her. Xander patted his hand in return without looking up from his computer and Tom continued out of the hold.

He went straight to the lounge where he grabbed a couple of beers and then went straight to the hospital. Emma had refused to take pain meds after the break out, so she should be fine to drink. Tom needed a drink.

Kicking her door open he called, "Ehh, I brought booze."

"Fuck yeah! Why?" Emma called back.

"You remember Charlotte Novak? Sweet girl with red hair? Cat sweaters?"

"Oh my God!" Emma said, slapping her forehead. "Was the- did she have her guts ripped out?"

"Yeaaah?" Tom said.

"Oh my God I didn't recognize her until you just said that. Even when I saw her alive like, wow, she changed her hair. It used to be so long. I- wow. You and Becky were friends with her, right?" Emma exclaimed.

"Yeah."

"Yeesh, yeah, give me a beer."

Tom handed her one and opened one for himself. "She's going to be the first person we try to cure."

"Shit is it safe?" Emma asked as she opened her own. When Tom didn't reply, her eyes widened and she began to nod. "Okay, fair. Why her?"

"I know her blood type and she's more likely to survive it than Sam," he explained.

"That's it? Why not the general guy?"

"He's too weird."

"You know what? Mood, I'll drink to that."

\---

Hannah and Tim sat at the top of the longest staircase they could find. It happened to be in the lab, which they knew they weren't supposed to be in, but if their plan succeeded it would be worth the potential scolding they would get. The lab was a scary place full of dangerous stuff, which Webby told her to avoid,

But… slinkies...

The pair had been growing closer since the classes started. River was too loud and annoying for either of them to stand, plus neither had siblings to entertain them (not counting Ethan). (Ethan did count normally, but a big brother was different than a playmate little brother). Neither Hannah nor Tim were annoying or loud, so they'd begun to play together more.

Tim did not mind that Hannah didn't talk much, nor did he really react when she'd do something most people considered 'weird'. She knew Ethan had explained to Tim and his dad that she was autistic, so she thought his dad must have explained things to her as well. He was probably her first friend (Ethan didn't count), which was very exciting.

Friends were something she didn't have a lot of experience with, but it was something she was finding that she liked very much. Tim knew all sorts of stuff she didn't know, and didn't mind it when she talked about Webby. When neither of them wanted to talk, they'd just sit together and draw.

Having company that wasn't Lex, Ethan, or bad was strange in a good way, she decided. She still liked to be alone, but quietly sitting with someone who wasn't in charge of her was also quite nice. His dad was a good man also. He'd sneak her snacks or spin her around when she asked, and was just generally a great guy.

They both knew they'd get yelled at if they were caught. Well, scolded not yelled at. Nobody at the base yelled at her like her mom would. They were all very nice, and when they'd get short with her it was justified. It was so strange. She knew her mom wasn't a nice lady, but it was hard to imagine everyone really was actually nice like Lex and Ethan. Mr. Frank was not nice. Her teachers were nice, but that was their job. The people at the base were a mystery to her.

She was beginning to trust some of them though, like Tim's dad and Becky and Mr. Lee. Trusting adults was new and exciting because she'd never really done that before. Still, she knew it was going to end eventually. They'd heal her mom and things would go bad again. It was gonna be bad until they escaped to California. She hoped her mom didn't get better.

"Are you ready?" Tim asked.

"Ready," Hannah agreed, releasing the slinky.

The toy zanged down the long staircase and the children chased after it. They tried very hard to keep quiet, but as they kept up with the slinky their footsteps echoed through the large room. It was unfortunate to be sure, but it was bound to happen. The slinky eventually made it to the bottom and so did they, giggling to each other.

"What the hell was that?" a familiar voice called.

Oh no. Tim's dad.

The duo looked to each other quickly and then looked around for somewhere to hide. Unfortunately, before they could enact a plan, they heard someone clear their throat behind them. They turned around to see Tim's dad standing there with his arms crossed. 

"Hi, Dad," Tim said casually.

"Hi. Do you have an explanation for you two being in a restricted area?" Tom asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Well Webby said the best staircase was in here so we wanted to try out the slinky, and then I swiped your card at lunchtime so we could use it after school," Tim admitted.

Hannah stared at him in shock, surprised he would admit that kinda thing to his dad. Wasn't he scared? Didn't he know parents would yell and push and be really mean? He didn't seem to. She braced herself for Mr. Houston to go ballistic on them, squeezing her eyes shut and everything.

The yelling didn't come. In fact, it got very quiet. She hesitantly opened an eye and saw Tim's dad looking at her with concern. That was unexpected.

"Hannah, did you think I was gonna…" he paused as though he couldn't get himself to say it, "that I was gonna hurt you guys?"

Hannah was still quite tense but nodded, unsure how else to respond. It did not seem like that reaction was going to happen, but at the same time she had no idea how else this would go and so her go to was to remain prepared, her eyes squeezed shut once more.

She heard Tom kneel down, closer to her but not within her personal space before he calmly said, "I need you to understand that I could never, and would never do anything like that to either of you. I also will never allow anyone else to do that to you either. You are safe with me, you will always be safe with me, okay?"

Hannah opened her eyes and watched him carefully, unsure how to respond, or if she should believe him.

_Good man, safe. Trust your warrior. He will protect you, prophet._

Well… if Webby trusted him, then she ought to trust him. It was a different kind of trust than she'd had before. Normal trust was not 'this person is like Ethan and Lex' level trust. Normal trust meant she thought they would protect her and probably wouldn't randomly kidnap her on the behest of a dark God. 

Hannah… hesitantly nodded and allowed the tension in her body. "Webby says you're safe. She says to trust you."

"I'm glad Webby trusts me that much. I hope you can get to that point too. You don't have to be right now, but I hope you can be eventually, when you're ready. Do you two wanna do the slinky a couple more times before I kick you both out?" Tom asked.

Hannah and Tim both smiled slightly, nodding.

"Alright, I'll watch, three more times then it's time to go."

Maybe things were going to get better after all.

\---

Things were not getting better.

Xander had barely slept, barely left the window to John's cell since the breakout. John was back to standing with his old stance, even with the wound in his leg. Xander could barely stand the sight, but he couldn't also stand to leave him, not after what happened the last time. 

"Dr. Lee, if I may…".

"Schaeffer, if you're going to tell me to go to bed one more time-" Xander broke off into a yawn, "I'm going to have to put you in a cell."

"Sir-"

"I can't leave him!" Xander shouted, his voice desperate to the point of panic. "Look at him, I-I can't-..."

"You aren't doing him or PEIP any good right now. You're too exhausted to do any work and you're only making yourself more upset by staying here and staying awake."

There was a pause before Xander sighed, rubbing his forehead. "I can't sleep." The last thing he wanted was to cry, but he was close. Xander was just so tired. It had been days since he'd slept more than an hour, and two weeks since he'd slept properly at all. "I- every time I try I see him in that vent and I hear his voice. You didn't hear his voice. He-he was so out of it, and so scared. His lungs were getting filled up by infection and- God. I can't stop hearing his voice… and when he talked to me afterwards…"

Schaeffer took a deep breath and calmly said, "Xander, I understand how hard it is for you right now. He isn't my husband but he is my dear friend, and I can't bear the thought of him remaining like this. You and I both know he needs you to be at your top performance. You currently are not. You need to sleep Xander. I know it's hard to sleep without him beside you. I know it's hard to imagine him alone down here. How about this… would you feel better if I remained at his side while you go sleep?"

"I just want my husband back," he whispered, rubbing his eyes. "I'm so tired. I-I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do."

"Sleep, Xander, go to sleep. Do you want me to walk you back home?" she asked.

He took a deep breath. "If you walk me home, he'll be alone."

"If you walk home alone, you're going to pass out in an alley and end up at the hospital for a few days."

"You know, I'm not going to disagree," he said, standing up shakily.

"Easy there, Agent. Can't have you going down on duty. There will be far too much paperwork," Schaeffer joked as she grabbed his arm to steady him.

Xander laughed a bit and allowed her to guide him out. As he left, he gave John one last look. His John. He swore he would fix him up, make him better. Just, not that night. That night it was time to sleep.

Schaeffer guided him home and actually helped him get ready for bed. Xander was beyond thankful for her. She had always been a good friend and a trusted ally in the fight against the dark forces. Schaeffer had been his right hand through the whole thing, and he swore the place was only still afloat because of her.

She helped him into bed and turned out his light. "Goodnight, Xander. Sleep well."

"Thank you," he mumbled as he curled up in his usual ball and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Xander needs a nap and a hug. Eventually he will have his husband back, but next chapter will be no easier for him. Poor John. Eventually...


	8. Be Your Best Self Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hive is displeased for many reasons. One of which is that one of their own was getting its blood taken out and replaced. Very confusing. The General meanwhile both knows that what the humans were doing was going to fail, and that if they don't succeed they would the Hive entirely. Xander just needs a break. Tom wants to adopt a child or two. Hannah is a very special little girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The race to cure the infected has begun! Who will live? Who will remain dead? It would be boring if I told you. You'll just have to read to find out!
> 
> To be fair though the majority of the chapter is about Hannah and not the infection, because she's a darling.

Something was very wrong. The Hive knew it as soon as the first body was taken out of a cell and not returned like the others had been. That one described a deceptively simple holding container that forced the body to lie down, and a strong patch over an intravenous device connected to a large machine outside of the container. The machine was pulling out its blood and replacing it with normal human blood faster than the infection could spread.

The problem was, it was doing it too fast, too much. Dialysis took a lot out of a body, even one infected by the Hive, and it was causing the body within it to fade rapidly. This distressed the General as well as the Hive, though it more so. The Hive didn't mind losing a few bodies, but the General couldn't stand that thought. What was the point in the Utopia they were going to create if they sacrificed random members of their people?

On top of that, it knew PEIP better than anyone, and it knew that if the experiments failed, every member of the Hive on Earth was going to be obliterated entirely with no hopes of escape. That was what PEIP did. They'd already successfully stopped the Hive's last attempt at escape within half an hour, resulting in higher security than they'd had previously.

Logically, some part of the General knew there was no hope of getting out now.Still, the Hive insisted they knew best, and insisted they would be victorious, so the General had to agree. Little Earth had no chance of winning the fight, not with the experience the Hive had. 

The General was not allowed the same level of freedom the majority of the Hive had. It was not allowed access to any part of its former personality or free thought so that it could creatively find a solution to their problem. That would, apparently, create a security risk that the Hive did not want. It did not understand, but it accepted it because it had no choice but to do so. It had no idea that some part of him, some deep seeded part that the Hive couldn't destroy or steal, refused to stop fighting.

That part of him- it would not allow the innocent body to be killed so easily, and with the little freedom that the Hive allowed it the General approached the window. It knew the man was on the other side it always knew. How it knew, the General had no idea, but it did. There was no… softness connected to that knowledge, no emotion whatsoever. It simply knew the man was watching him.

"The machine you have the body attached to is going to kill it if the machine remains at the level it currently is. Not even an infected body can last under those conditions. If you want to-"

The General's speech cut off as its mind was filled with angry static. The Hive did not appreciate him telling PEIP how to cure them and decided punishment was necessary. It- he grunted from the pain and clutched its head as everything he knew was suddenly replaced with pain and static. 

"John!" the man's voice called in panic, though it couldn't tell whether the voice was from the speakers or from inside his head as it stumbled back until it's back was against the wall. 

Soon all it knew again was the pain and the need to obey. Everything else was secondary to the goals and desires of the Hive.

That wouldn't stop that small bit of him left deep inside from fighting.

\---

The vitals of the infected that was being tested on were falling, and Xander knew that couldn't be good. He wasn't a biologist, he wasn't a doctor, but he knew everyone who looked at it knew it was not going well. Xander also knew that if it was decided that there was no hope for the infected to be cured they would all be incinerated within their cells. That was the last resort, but they didn't have a lot of options.

While the experts struggled to figure out what was happening with the infected- Charlotte, he reminded himself, Xander sat once again at the window of John's cell, working diligently to make sure everything was running smoothly and that there were no new threats showing up on the horizon. If something else came up right now, when their resources were already stretched thin, he knew they would likely fail.

Nothing seemed to be coming though, luckily, and he focused on his work. There was no use worrying over things he could not control, John always reminded him. Xander could not help but worry though, that was what anxiety was good for after all. With Schaeffer helping to keep things running, he could devote his attention to the important matters at hand.

His focus did not stop him from noticing when John moved up to the glass and began to speak, saying, "The machine you have the body attached to is going to kill it if the machine remains at the level it currently is. Not even an infected body can last under those conditions. If you want to-" before he suddenly broke off and grunted, clutching his head as if struck by a sudden blow.

"John!" Xander exclaimed, pressing his emergency button.

When he spoke, John's eyes met his, though John should not have been able to see or hear him. Immediately after, he grunted again, stumbling backwards until he looked like a wounded animal against the back wall of the cell. As the emergency response agents arrived, John's body suddenly went slack once more, his expression once again blank and expressionless. He returned to his usual spot in the center of the room with his arms crossed behind him, the only evidence of the event being the small trickle of blue blood falling from his nose.

Xander slammed his fist against the table in frustration and sighed. What the hell just happened? He dismissed the emergency response team with a wave and sat there watching his husband until Schaeffer arrived as a reaction to the distress signal.

"Sir?"

"Tell the doctors to adjust the machine's intensity and frequency. Their bodies can't handle the strain it's under right now."

"Xander?" Schaeffer asked, this time sounding both confused and concerned for his well being.

"John or whatever is inside John right now just told me that, then flipped out and acted like his head was exploding before returning to where he is now, so-"

"I'll go tell them," she said quickly. "And when I return you are taking a break. Deal?"

With a sigh Xander nodded, looking at his husband. "Deal."

\---

Tom had not planned on adopting two more children, and hopefully a third, but there he was. Ethan was sitting at a table in the corner of the lounge doing his homework while Tim and Hannah played some two player game on the gaming console. It was incredibly domestic in a way that was quite familiar to him.

Ethan didn't need a long term parent replacement, not legally. He was already eighteen and his mom wasn't terrible, so Tom had no intention of legally adopting him. Otherwise, Tom was acting as a figure he could turn to when he needed help, and helped him take care of Hannah as best he could.

Things had changed after Hannah's reaction to them being caught doing something wrong. Tom had been a teacher long enough to know the signs of bad parenting, of abuse, and there was no way in hell he was going to let that continue for either of the girls. That day he'd gone to Xander and asked about gaining legal custody of at least Hannah, specifically until their mom was healed. More specifically, he wanted it to be able to last afterwards as well, but the current situation was a good 'in' for gaining long term custody.

Hannah, for her part, didn't seem to know what he was planning. Tom didn't want to worry her or upset her when he brought it up, given the little time they'd known each other, so he was waiting until she felt more comfortable with him to broach the subject. They had plenty of time after all.

The machine was showing positive results, though they'd had to slow the process down in order to not kill Charlotte permanently. Her blood-to-spore ratio was increasing ever so slowly, but it was increasing. Given that success, more machines were being finalized and they were working to pick more people to put in them. Good signs, all good signs.

Tom was still waiting for the shoe to drop.

Not everyone was going to survive the treatment, they all knew that. Some of the infected just had injuries that were too severe to live without the infection, it simply hasn't happened yet. They were all going to be devastated when it did, but it was bound to happen eventually.

Becky was very busy now, not that the pair had spent much time together before. Between Tim, Emma, and his work, Tom hadn't had time for much else. Now she was busy too, and he was taking more care of Hannah and Ethan… they just didn't have time. 

Hannah made a distressed sound from her spot on the couch and threw herself against the back of it. Before Tom could react more than looking up, Ethan was already over to her. He whispered quietly to her and Tim paused the game.

"What's up?" Tom asked as he stood and got closer.

"Frustration at the game more than anything. Sometimes she feels a lot at once and doesn't know how to deal with it right," Ethan explained, still kneeling in front of her. 

Tom nodded and knelt down beside him, staying out of her personal space but close enough to comfort her if need be. Hannah was rocking hard against the couch, not looking at any of them and instead looking beyond them. He looked at Ethan for guidance. Ethan knew he intended to adopt Hannah and was giving him advice for taking care of her when he could.

"Hey, Hannah Banana, good day or bad day?" Ethan asked quietly.

Hannah huffed and continued rocking.

"Pretty hard level, huh? Want me to give it a go? I'm sure Tim won't mind, will ya, bud?" Ethan asked. 

"I don't mind!" Tim said, clearly trying to be helpful.

Hannah nodded and handed him the controller. She then hugged her knees, seeming to be relieved. Tom watched as Tim and Ethan attempted to complete the level. What he recognized as a father than he knew the children wouldn't notice was that Ethan was very purposefully not trying to win. It was the sort of playing you do when you want the kid to win, not the sort of playing you do when you want to play the game. 

"Awe dang, we didn't complete it. You did so much better than I did, Banana, do you want to try again?" Ethan asked, offering her the controller once more.

She accepted it with renewed determination in her eyes. Both of the nine year olds attempted the level once more, both looking quite serious. A few minutes passed in tense silence before they both let out a whoop. Level passed! Tom and Ethan cheered for them with excitement.

Ethan winked at Tom and whispered, "Times like that, it's best to show her it's okay to be frustrated and let her win at whatever it is. Lex taught me that,"

Tom smiled and winked back. These were good kids. He was glad they were in his life, and was glad he could finally keep his word to watch over than.

\---

"And that's why Scooby Doo is actually a monster," Tim said firmly.

"Velma and Daphne are in love," Hannah said, "Lex said so."

"Okay, then Shaggy and Fred are in love," Tim agreed.

Hannah nodded solemnly as a knock rang out from the door. The pair looked at each other, then to the door. Ethan wasn't in the room, he was having a meeting with the doctors about Lex and had left the pair in the classroom to play with the toys there. When no one answered the door, the knocker opened the door to reveal himself to be Mr. Lee.

"Sorry to interrupt but, Hannah, I wanted to talk to you about potentially testing your power connecting to the Black and White," Mr. Lee said. "I asked Ethan and Tom if I could ask you and they both said yes."

Hannah looked him over before shrugging. "You need a nap," she stated as she stood and headed out of the room with him, waving goodbye to Tim.

"Yeaaah, that's nothing new though, is it?" Mr. Lee said, leading her out to where some of the scientists were waiting. The pair entered the room and sat down on either side of a table at Mr. Lee's guidance. "Now, I don't want you to be scared, okay? John did all these things when he was your age, they're mostly just to figure out what you can do and to what extent."

Hannah nodded, looking at the objects on the table. She was not afraid. Webby liked John, and Xander was a good man, so she did not think he was going to do anything evil to her. He was too nice.

"Alright, you've already proven you can talk to Webby. I want to test how strong that connection is. I'm going lift a card and I want you to tell me what's on that card without seeing," Mr. Lee explained. Without further ado, he lifted a card.

_Red heart._

"Red heart," Hannah said.

"Good job! Next one," Mr. Lee said, sitting that card down. They went through twenty cards before Mr. Lee said, "Good job, you got all of them right. Let's try the next step. I want you to tell me what a card is going to be before I look at it alright? This cannot be done with Webby's help. Don't worry if you can't do it, John never really had a good future sight, only present sight." He pulled a card out of the deck and sat it face down without looking at it.

"Black square," she said without hesitation.

Mr. Lee flipped over the card and to his surprise she was correct. "Alright, let's keep going."

Card after card she was correct, never hesitating. She didn't need to. This was easy. Hannah had no difficulty telling small things like what cards were going to be. She usually didn't try, because she didn't want to cheat at games, but she certainly could.

"I will admit I am impressed," Mr. Lee said, shuffling the cards once more. "Are you tired? I know stuff like this has always been tiring for John."

Hannah shrugged. "Not as tiring as visions."

The face Mr. Lee made was funny. His eyebrows went straight up and his jaw dropped in shock. "Visions?"

She nodded.

"You have visions. Of…? The future?"

She nodded once more. "Webby helps."

"Yeah, yeah okay, okay," Mr. Lee said quickly. "We did not know that was a thing but okay cool yeah great alright."

Hannah couldn't help but giggle. "Webby says I'm a prophet."

"If you have vision, yeah, I can understand why she does," he said, still clearly startled. "Can you reach into the Black and White also?"

Hannah shrugged before shaking her head. "Lex."

"Lex can reach into the Black and White, you can see it," Mr. Lee clarified.

She nodded. "She'd transport the remote without knowing it."

"She'd-..." Mr. Lee seemed to need a moment. "She can reach through the Black and White back into our dimension."

Hannah nodded once more. 

"Okay, okay okay okay okay. Cool, okay yep. Thank you very much for that information it will be very useful. Alright, yeaaah, okay. That'll be all for today. We can see about training your skills more when uhhhhh, when John is better. The one who trained him is long gone, unfortunately, and we don't know anyone else who can do these things," Xander said.

"Bye," she said quietly before skipping out of the room. Hannah was glad she could help them learn some stuff, though she didn't think it was as impressive as Mr. Lee was making it out to be. She was special and all, but she was just Hannah Foster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John is a good good boy who refuses to stop doing the right thing even when being controlled by aliens. Sure he rationalized it by being to help the Hive survive, but Still.


	9. Do You Want To Play With Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah and Tom play with toys together and she begins to wonder about the nature of parental relationships. Tom remembers a bad thing vividly but is comforted by the women in his life. Xander has to make a tough decision on his husband's behalf and eventually concludes that he must do what John would prefer him to do, even if it means potentially losing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little warning, Tom's got a panic attack/ flashback in the second bit. It isn't entirely graphic but I know a warning is useful for those that can't read that kinda thing!
> 
> Also there is a lot of talk about how small Emma is because... listen... Lauren is tiny.

Hannah knew Tom was planning… something. She had no idea what. Sure she could ask Webby, but if she had every surprise spoiled for her nothing would be exciting. A week ago he'd started talking to her more and they'd all been spending time together. It was strange, but it was nice.

Ethan gave her no clues, simply stating that Tom was a good man and that she should call him Tom. What was that supposed to mean?! She already knew that! Why was Ethan telling her that?! Hannah had no idea what was happening but things were strange. Ethan was even suggesting she ask him to play and such.

That was what led her to creeping up to him in the lounge as he was drinking a beer. He drank beer sometimes, but never as much as her mom which made it alright. Sometimes Lex and Ethan would drink, so she knew beer wasn't necessarily evil, rather her mom was the evil one. Hannah gently pulled on Tom's plaid over shirt.

Tom jumped before realizing it was only her, causing him to relax. "Hey, kiddo, what can I do for ya?"

Hannah hesitated before gently sitting a doll beside him on the bar. It was one of John's old G.I. Joe dolls whom she named Jeff Blim. She'd grown very attached to the doll and had a whole story for him and everything. Offering Jeff to Tom was a Big Deal because it meant that she trusted him to touch it. She was also trying to ask him to play, which she rarely did. It was a Step.

"Who is this?" Tom asked, slowly reaching towards the doll, careful not to touch him until he was sure Hannah approved.

"Jeff Blim. He's an actor in Chicago," Hannah said seriously. He had a partial smile on his face as though he was trying not to laugh, though she didn't really understand.

"Jeff Blim, eh? He sounds cool," Tom said in a cheerful tone.

Hannah nodded as she sat down in the stool beside him. She pulled out her ugly monster/spider stuffy that Lex had snagged for her years ago and held him on the table. "Mr. Blim," she said in the scariest voice she could muster, "I'm gonna eat you."

Tom's eyes seemed to light up and he stood the soldier up as well. "Oh noooo, Monster! Don't eat me!" he cried in an appropriate voice.

"I'm a spider!" Hannah growled as the monster, bouncing the toy up and down.

"Oh, sorry," Tom said in the same squeaky voice.

"I'm gonna eat you, Jeff!" she said.

"Oh no, it's a big bad spider, I'm so scared!" Tom said as the soldier.

Hannah made a show of making the spider crawl towards the doll, growling the whole time. Tom pretended to make the doll try and run away in turn while making quiet screaming sounds. Hannah giggled, smiling as the toys ran across the bar top.

Tom suddenly seemed to change tactics. "Wait, I'm taller! I'll fight back!" he exclaimed. Tom pulled the doll's arm straight and whacked at the toy. 

"No! I eat the arm!" Hannah said in a roar.

"Noooooo, my arm!" Tom cried, pulling the doll's arm behind it. "Good thing I have another arm!" He pulled the other arm forward to continue hitting.

"I eat that one too!" she exclaimed.

Tom pulled the other arm behind the doll. "Oooohhhhh noooooo! I've lost my arms! Whatever shall I do?! Oh, I know!" Tom began to make the doll wiggle and head butt the toy.

Hannah laughed loudly and cried, "I eat your head!"

"Nooooo not my head! What can I do without my head?!" he said, smiling wide.

"Be eaten!" Hannah exclaimed as she had the toy jump on Jeff Blim, making eating sounds.

"Nooooooo!" Tom said. He made the doll fall over. "I'm dead!"

Hannah laughed as she hugged the toy, smiling up at Tom. He played with her! That was very exciting! He let her pretend to eat his toy! Hannah didn't often play with other people like that, except for Lex and Ethan because few people played with her right. Her mom never played with her, and teachers were always weird.

She had never had a father. Lex and Hannah's dad had always been in and out of their mother's life since high school, but had never paid any child support or taken care of Lex in the least. When their mother became pregnant again during a time they were together, he skipped town and hadn't returned. Supposedly he'd settled down in Clivesdale. Lex always said he'd better be dead, because if he showed up at their door again Lex would make sure he never came back.

So, Hannah had no real idea what a father figure was like. Ethan had explained it as best as he could, but he'd lost HIS dad when he was like, nine, so he wasn't the best at explaining it. Between not having a father figure, and having a mother that wasn't necessarily the type to trust or rely on, she didn't really trust parental figures. They weren't reliable, they weren't good people.

That led her to be confused as to what exactly Tom was. He was actually reliable AND a good person, and Tim liked him a lot. She'd known him for over three weeks at that point and not once had he hinted at the fact that he was secretly like her parents. Tom also treated her like he treated Tim, which was nothing she was used to. Well, she was, but Tom wasn't like a big brother or sister, he was just Tom.

If he wasn't a big sibling, but also acted like Lex and Ethan did when it came to taking care of her, what did that make Tom to her?

\---

"Easy there, Emma, careful on that leg," Tom said as he assisted Emma out of her hospital bed.

"You don't need to say that every time I do anything, you know. I am aware that my leg is injured, surprisingly," Emma joked as she leaned on him to gain balance.

They were testing out, with Becky's assistance, her ability to walk as of three and a half weeks after the injury. Becky said she was healing quite well, which was comforting, but she still hadn't walked around much. Bedrest was important, everyone said.

Well, bedrest was boring, Emma wanted to walk. Tom was not going to deny her that. He had been injured before, he knew how awful it was. If he'd been any more injured during the event that killed his friend, he would have been sent home. Fortunately or unfortunately, he was not, and remained in Iraq for the rest of his tour. That wasn't even counting football injuries. He most certainly knew how boring it was.

"Just- here," Becky said, handing Emma her crutches.

Emma took them and put them under her arms. Tom couldn't help but notice how small the things were compared to the ones he'd used in the past. She was so small. Smaller than Jane, which was crazy because Jane always seemed so small and delicate. So small that the airbag broke ribs when it deployed, on top of everything else she had to deal with.

Tom shook the thoughts of Jane from his mind and focused instead on making sure Emma did not fall down. He couldn't save Jane, but he did save Emma. Tom could only hope that allowed Jane to forgive him.

"Tom, you alright there, man?" Emma asked, startling Tom.

"I- yeah, I'm fine," Tom said, shaking his head to clear it.

"You got real pale there, are you sure?" Emma insisted.

He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. "You're just so small."

Emma paused. "Dude, what the fuck? So?"

"Smaller than Jane. You're smaller than Jane. She was so small, and when the airbags…" Tom couldn't continue, feeling like his lungs were shrinking. Everything was shrinking. Jane was there, broken in so many ways, bleeding there in the car next to him. So small. Too small. The big car just smashed…

"Tom, hey, hey, look at me, you're getting out of it, look at me," Emma said, though she seemed far away.

Tom gasped for air and shoved the base of his hands against his eyes as he sat down with his back against the hospital bed. Jane was gasping for air but she couldn't breathe because the air bag crushed her ribs and the car smashed into her side of the car. It was cold, the car had holes in it from the crash and snow was getting inside and Tim was crying and crying and crying and Jane wouldn't wake up, just gasp and gasp and gasp.

He heard humming. That wasn't there that night. That night it was gasping and crying and shouting and sirens. Right now there was humming. It was a familiar song, though he couldn't place it right then. He felt himself being pulled to lean on someone soft, someone not Jane, while another hand was placed on his knee. The sensations were grounding, especially the gentle stroking of his hair.

It took some time, though how long it took he was not aware, but eventually the tension in his shoulders gave way, and the memories of the night lost their grip on his mind. He still wasn't really _there_ , in that moment. Tom was there, slightly to the left. He felt everything that was happening but didn't really feel present.

Becky was the one holding him, humming, stroking his hair. It was the opening song of a movie they'd watched a hundred times as teens. Emma was there too, with her hand on his knee, her thumb gently stroking over it in a comforting manner. Since losing Jane he hadn't had anyone to comfort him during one of those bad times. He'd faced it alone so Tim wouldn't see. Tim couldn't see. But Tim wasn't seeing. Instead, two important women in his life were providing him with grounding stability and comfort, slowly bringing him back to the present.

Tom allowed his head to rest on Becky's shoulder as the last of the attack's grips released him. He was exhausted and hollow, still feeling floaty, but he felt safe and comforted at the same time. It felt like things could eventually be okay this time, like this feeling wouldn't last forever.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, still not opening his eyes. "Didn't mean to do that. Now you're on the ground."

Emma made a tsk sound and he could just hear her eyes roll. "You just had a panic attack or something. You've got PTSD, that isn't your fault. You don't have to apologize for that. And, I'm sure someone in this hospital can pick me up even if you're too wiped out, don't worry about me being on the ground."

Tom just hummed in response and continued to allow himself to relax. Things were going to be okay, he thought.

\---

Xander looked inside the room at his husband. Since beginning the first person on the treatment, she had shown great signs of recovery, to the point that they'd began the process on a few other people, including one PEIP soldier to see what would happen. They'd all shown similar stages of recovery at each day, which was a positive. It was an illness, an infection that could be fought.

That hadn't been without failures. Though the first person they'd placed in the machine was not doing well, but was certainly getting less infected, the second had died fairly early on. Upon inspection it appeared that he'd received more damage postmortem than they'd thought, and losing the amount of infection that was sustaining him had killed him. It also seemed that the more spores were removed, the worse their vitals got. They frankly had no idea if any of them were going to survive the process, but they hadn't gotten far enough along in the process to tell.

But that left Xander in a tough position. John was not nearly in the worst shape there. He had no bullet wounds, no guts pulled out. Supposedly his lungs were full of the spores and his eyes were clearly infected, but that was far better than even the first subject of the test. She'd had a gunshot to the head AND her guts torn out, and though her vitals weren't great, she'd survived the week of tests even when they had the machine set too high.

Xander could through his hat in the ring, have John placed in a machine now, and pray. They had no way to know if it would succeed, but this was their best guess and their only shot. Outside of this specific machine, they could not find any other way to cure them. If the machine failed, all of the infected would have to be destroyed.

That meant, Xander supposed, that John would be dead whether or not he was put into the machine. If it failed and he died, John was dead. If it failed and he wasn't in the machine, he'd be destroyed anyway. The only possible way to get John back was to put him in their experimental test tube of a machine and hope for the best.

Xander knew that John wouldn't hesitate, he'd rather offer himself as a test subject than the officer already being tested on. John would sacrifice himself for the greater good and jump into danger no matter the cost. He would want Xander to have him placed in the machine regardless.

But, at the same time, Xander felt himself a little selfish. Yes, John was dead in two out of three of the possible scenarios but right then, right there… John was still standing. Looking at him killed Xander inside, but he was right there. He didn't look dead, he looked frozen in time, with a cold and a nose bleed of blue. If John died for real, he was going to stay dead that time. Xander would never get him back. But… he was right there. John was right there, not dying from an experiment, not being incinerated. He was just there.

That was not life. John would not want that to be his life. It was selfish to even consider keeping John like that for longer than necessary, not when it would go against his husband's principles. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right. John couldn't stand things that weren't fair or right. When things weren't fair or right, John fixed them, made them right, made them fair.

Life wasn't fair though, and the world was not always good. Xander did not share his husband's unbridled realistic optimism. He knew that there was not always a way to fix things. He knew that sometimes you had to lose those you love. They always agreed that there was rarely a win-win scenario, and this certainly wasn't one. Life wasn't fair, but John was. The world wasn't right, but John made it right.

What would Xander do without John? What would he do without his husband? Would he be the permanent leader of the PEIP despite not technically being in the army? Would he be able to get out of bed every day knowing his husband wasn't downstairs making breakfast? It was hard enough to get out of bed already, when Xander knew exactly where his husband was. Could he stand to continue without the love of his life.

Tom could. Tom kept going despite losing his wife, but he had a son to take care of. Xander didn't have a son. He had the PEIP, technically, but that was different. PEIP would live on without him. No, no he wasn't allowed to think about all that. Xander was better than that, stronger than that.

"Put him in it," Xander said quietly, taking a deep breath.

He watched men enter the cell and securely lock John up so that he couldn't attack them or escape as they went. John was fighting against them the entire time, but there were too many soldiers for a man who didn't truly have John's mind to get anywhere. They dragged the fighting man over to the elevator and Xander followed by going up the stairs. Soon they were at the room where John was going to spend the next- however long.

The soldiers held John down on the bed of the machine long enough to strap him down, then allowed the doctors to begin the process. Xander remained at the door, staying out of the way. Seeing John practically frothing at the mouth as he fought against the restraints was killing him, but Xander couldn't- wouldn't stop the process now. He bit his lip, a nervous tick of his, as he watched the doctors work. They couldn't stop now.

Finally, the doctor pressed the button to close up the pod with John inside. He now had a heavily wrapped section of his arm where the device connected his bloodstream. The roof of the pod was not high enough for him to sit up, so the other restraints were removed mechanically besides the one on his left wrist so that he couldn't take the thing out of his arm.

John began pounding on the roof of the pod, staring at Xander through the glass. "XANDER! XANDER, PLEASE! DON'T DO THIS, LET ME OUT!"

He looked so desperate, it hurt Xander's soul. Taking a deep breath, he entered the room and sat his laptop down on the desk they'd placed in there next to the pod. John didn't stop shouting, eventually resorting to sing-shouting, but Xander refused to look at him. Not like that. He had worked to do. John would be better soon, and then things would be okay, but for now he had work to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeff Blim the actor located in Chicago who is also a doll who gets eaten by a giant spider. Listen. It's necessary.


	10. There's no Turning Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is not having a good time. Xander is having an even worse time. Surprisingly, when you don't sleep much for over a month, your body has a bad time. Meanwhile, Tom and Ethan have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No bit for Hannah this chapter because Xander had a whole thing that needed resolved. I wanted to finish it before the end of the chapter and that didn't leave space for Hannah, unfortunately. I keep all the chapters about the same length and if I added hers it would go way over, so next chapter will have a big Hannah part.

The General slammed its fist against the glass of the tube once more. It felt… strange. Not being in the thing, that was fine. The problem was the weird blood change thing in its arm. It knew the sensation from the other members of the Hive who had gotten placed into the machine. The sensation was different when it was the one in the machine.

Outside the machine sat the man, whom the Hive had allowed it to know the name of. Xander. The name felt like nothing to it, because the realization did not have any memory connected to it. Still, it knew that Xander had been there by it nearly constantly since it arrived at the base. That didn't cause The General to have any feeling of attachment to him.

It wanted to infect the world. It wanted to give the Hive a way into the Black and White. The Hive was the best thing that could be. There would be no more wars, no more apocalypse, no more danger or fighting. America would be great again, the world would be great again. Nothing would ever be wrong again. That's what the Hive said, that meant it was true and right. The Hive was always right.

Still though, it knew the Hive was not going to succeed on Earth. The PEIP had them separated and were working on separating the infection from their bodies. Their attempt at escaping and taking over the base had been taken down quickly. They hadn't stood a chance. The Hive had underestimated the PEIP, and would continue to do so to the point of their destruction. The General felt no pride in that knowledge, nor any anger like the Hive as a whole had. Instead, it was focused on the problem directly ahead of it.

"Xander!" The General shouted, pounding on the glass with its free arm as hard as it could.

For the majority of the few days it had been in there, Xander had simply ignored it. The man had remained at the desk in the room nearly the entire time, but he hadn't reacted to its protests much at all. Still, he wasn't reacting to it, despite it calling his name. It was time to change tactics.

"Xander, stop ignoring me, please. I'm scared," it said. The General was not scared. It just wanted the man to react to it.

Xander did react, freezing with his hands over the keys of his computer. He sighed and said, "You know what's happening. You cannot feel fear, we know that. You know your protests aren't going to do anything. We aren't going to let you out. I'm ignoring your hitting and screaming because there is no point in reacting to it."

"You're going to kill us all," the General hissed. "Let me out. I'll tell you how to heal us, just let me out. It hurts, Xander, please."

The man took a deep breath and removed his sunglasses, rubbing his eyes. He looked exhausted. That was… unfortunate. "What is your name?"

"General John McNamara."

"Do you know where you are?"

"I am in the research rooms located above the holding cells."

"Do you know why you are important?"

"I am the leader of this division and the most well trained connection to the Black and White that we know."

"What is the Hive planning?'"

The General hesitated, aware that the Hive would punish it if it was honest. "We are planning."

"Do you retain your memories?"

"All of the same that were previously mentioned and no more."

"Do you know who I am?"

"You are Xander Lee, the Agent currently in charge of my division."

That did not seem to be what he wanted to hear, but he nodded anyway. "You will either die in this machine or be incinerated, all of you. If we succeed then you will be fine. Either way, this is not up for debate. As you said, I am in charge here right now."

The General did not respond right away, thinking about it's options. Finding there to be none, it began to sing, which seemed to upset Xander even more, causing him to leave the room.

\---

The singing, the damn singing. John hadn't sung since being brought to the base, he'd been stoic, and then he was singing. Xander couldn't deal with that, not right after everything that he'd had to sit through the last four days. He closed the door behind him, punching the wall outside the room.

"Xander?" Colonel Schaeffer asked, having just arrived.

"He started singing, I just- I couldn't-"

Schaeffer nodded. She was never one for physical contact, but she was clearly trying. "I know, I'm sorry. You need a break. You've barely left his side since he went in there."

"I can't leave him! What-"

"His vitals haven't changed much at all. A few hours won't kill him."

"He's right there! I need him- I need to work. I'm doing his work and mine right now and I'm barely keeping up. I can't take a break right now. Someone has to make sure the electrical conglomerates don't interact by-"

"I'm about to hospitalize you myself if you don't."

"Schaeffer," Xander said in an offended tone. She had a point. Now that he was thinking about it, his body was exhausted, and his head was swimming. Things felt funny, funnier than it usually did when he hadn't slept much in a while. His vision also wasn't doing great, but that could be from the sunglasses he just took off.

"Xander, I am not joking. I am- Xander?!"

Xander felt his vision failing him and his head felt like he was having a sudden fall like a bump in the road or a rollercoaster. Distantly he heard Schaeffer's voice, but he was far more concerned with the fact that he was having a difficult time figuring out which way was up in reference to his body. His vision finally went black and he felt his body give up the fight, sending him into unconsciousness.

\---

Tom had only visited Charlotte in her tube thing a few times in the week and a half she'd been in it. The sight of her looking so tiny in that pod was too much to bear, especially when he was constantly hearing about her vitals at work. She was still doing fine, she was unstable but she was fine. The process seemed to be working, leaving her with roughly 30% less spores in her blood if the scientists were correct.

If that was true, in about two and a half weeks she'd have no spores left. What then? Nobody knew. They genuinely had no idea. They knew that the bodies were growing weaker as more spores were removed, but that wasn't exactly an answer to the question. There was no answer to the question at that time.

Going to see her also was just… so painful. She wouldn't stop singing, angrily, desperately, she wouldn't stop. Not only was it heartbreaking, but it was also incredibly annoying. That didn't stop Ethan and Hannah from deciding to ask for Lex to be placed in the next machine that was finished.

It was fair, they had the right. Still, seeing the teen in the tube was just odd. She was singing like the others did, but she had longer periods of silence. Lex would also just stare at them silently which was creepy as hell. She'd just been placed in the thing a few days ago, and she hadn't started protesting it like Xander's husband apparently had. Instead she was just staring.

Tom didn't want Ethan, Hannah, and Tim to be in there, he didn't want them to have to see that, but school was out for the day and so was work, so the four of them were sitting in the chairs provided. Hannah and Tim were playing quietly on the ground with John's army men toys, pretending to wage a war of some sort, while Ethan was just staring at Lex with a familiar look in his eye.

"You really love her, don't you?" Tom asked quietly.

"The plan was that we were going to save up enough cash to run away to California with Hannah. Lex wants- wants? Wanted? She wants to be an actress. Plan was to get saved up enough to get there, then stay in a shelter for a bit until we both got work and could afford the upfront cost of renting a place. Or, if we were lucky, earn enough that we'd be able to start renting a place right away. We were gonna be out of here by Christmas. She's been working extra hours, I had too, though most of my cash was for the car.

"We were gonna be a family. We already were one, you know, but we weren't living together. We were gonna raise Hannah together better than their mom ever did, and maybe tie the knot eventually, once we saved up enough. We knew Hannah may always need help from us, but she was always part of the plan. Maybe have a kid of our own… I love Hannah like she's my own sister. I love Lex with everything I've got… I-..." Ethan broke off, running his hands through his hair. "I've gotta be strong for Hannah. She's so strong but she needs support."

Tom took a deep breath and nodded. "This whole time I've been thanking my lucky stars that my wife didn't live to be infected because I couldn't stand the idea of her being one of them. Not even Tim would be able to get me through that. You're so strong already, Ethan. You deserve to let yourself take a breath, be weak for a minute. You can lean on me, you know that right? If Hannah and Lex are my girls now, you're adopted by default."

Ethan laughed a bit, making eye contact with his girlfriend once more. "I don't need to be adopted, I've got my mom here somewhere."

"Did I ever tell you that I knew your dad?" Tom asked suddenly.

The teen paused with his hand in his hair before dropping it to his lap slowly and looking at Tom. "You what?"

"My second tour of Iraq, we served together. He was a little older than me, acted like a mentor and a friend. He convinced me I'd be able to make it home and meet my son," Tom explained.

"Really?" Ethan asked, confused but with a hint of idealistic wonder in his voice.

"Really… I was on that mission with him. He died in my arms, and as he was dying he told me to keep an eye on you."

Ethan was silent this time, looking shocked and a bit overwhelmed.

"I've tried to keep that promise as best I could, but life got in the way. I'm here for you," Tom concluded.

Another moment passed as Ethan proceeded what Tom said. After it passed, he sighed. "You know, Mr. Houston, I'm real fucking sad."

Tom nodded and patted Ethan's leg. "Tell me about it."

"What if she doesn't make it? I know they say she's got a good shot at-at living, but what if she doesn't?" Ethan asked. God, he never sounded more like a kid than he did right then. Sure, he was eighteen, but he was far too young to be expected to think about all that.

"I don't know. Nobody does. What I do know is that Hannah is gonna have me to take care of her, so you don't have to worry about raising her alone. I'll also be as much of a dad as you need me to be, so if you wanna go to college or-"

"I can't get into college, Tom," Ethan said with a laugh. "With my grades I'm gonna be lucky to graduate this year."

"I can try and help you study," Tom offered.

"Studying doesn't help much when the page is all jumbled up and hard to read."

Tom paused that time. "You got dyslexia?"

Ethan blinked. "What's that?"

"Damn school system can't even test a kid who's struggling in class for learning disorders!" Tom said in frustration.

"What's dyslexia?!"

"It's when the letters move around. It makes reading hard for people. I'm not the best at explaining it but if you've got it you can get more help through the school than the none you're getting right now," he explained.

"Damn, too bad I can't afford-"

"Nooo no no no, fuck no, _I'm_ fucking paying for it. You have no choice in the matter. I'm paying and I'm gonna sit up with you as late into the night as you need so you can pass. No fucking way I'm dropping this. I'll even sweeten the deal. You graduate on time and I'll take all of us on a trip to California," Tom said firmly.

Ethan let out a small laugh, then paused, thinking about what Tom was saying, "You know what, sir? You've got yourself a deal."

The two men shook hands, and in the corner, Hannah smiled.

\---

When Xander woke up, he saw the light of afternoon outside the window. Startled, he sat up, though his body protested the sudden movements. What happened?! Why was he in b-. It was not his bed. He was in a room at the hospital. Why was he in the hospital?

"Good morning, Sleepy Head," Becky said as she entered the room. "Don't try getting up or anything, you're body is very unhappy with you right now and it will not go well."

"What happened?" Xander asked, his voice rough from sleep.

He didn't exactly know the woman well, but he probably knew her better than most of the nurses. Her very specific bedside manner always got her placed as the nurse in charge of him or John when they ended up in the hospital. She was also the nurse put in charge of the first batch of infected being cured, resulting in her spending a fair amount of time in the room with him and John.

Xander also knew her for a very separate reason. Not long after was hired by the PEIP, they had received a call from her, explaining that she had an altercation with her abusive husband, and that she thought he might be dead in the woods. That was not the sort of call the PEIP wanted to receive late into the night from a new hire, but as she explained the situation Xander and John had found themselves feeling that the crime was justified.

The organization covered up the murder that night, and removed any trace of their marriage from her files. They returned her name to Rebecca Barnes, got her a new home on the base, and paid for her to get new furniture so she could leave that terrible life behind. He doubted she knew that he and John were responsible for that, given that it was simply 'PEIP' that did it, but he still felt a bit of attachment towards the woman.

"You fainted in the hallway of the research building. You have not been getting enough sleep, sir, and eventually your body is going to get sleep however it can," she explained as she looked at his chart.

"I don't have time for this," Xander huffed as he tried to get out of bed. He could not ignore the way his head spun though, resulting in him simply sitting with his legs over the side of the bed, waiting.

"Colonel Schaeffer has ordered you to be put on bedrest for at least twenty four hours, so you're not allowed to leave the room even if you could get out of bed. Sorry," she said, looking honestly apologetic.

He sighed and returned to the bed, his body quite relieved by his decision. "How's John?"

"His status hasn't changed since last night, don't worry. We'd wake you if it did," she said. "I'm going to order you some food, then I want you to go back to sleep, okay?"

"Okay. Can I have soup? I can never get it when John's around," he said.

Becky laughed, understanding the joke about his husband's very specific opinions relating to food. "Of course you can have soup. I am NOT bringing you a coffee though and there is no way you're going to convince me."

"Fiinnee," Xander sighed, curling up in the bed once more.

Unlike his husband, Xander couldn't sleep in any position anywhere. Xander could only sleep when curled up in a comfy ball and if he curled up in a ball he usually fell asleep, even with his insomnia. He assumed she would wake him up when it was time to eat, and allowed his eyes to close. Xander accepted that he did not have a choice in the matter of sleeping. He would rather be by his husband's side, but he was exhausted.

If John were there, he'd have prevented Xander from running himself ragged. He would have gotten Xander at least one full night's sleep a week, and made sure he took plenty of breaks from his work. Xander knew this was his punishment for not being able to function properly, but for now he had to accept Schaeffer's ruling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The soup thing will be explained by Xander later in the fic. The two of them have very specific eccentricities and that means John has some very specific opinions on food.


	11. Not Your Girl Anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finds himself worrying over the location of the man who has so rarely left his side, and questioning where this 'worry' came from. Xander is surprised by the difference three days makes, and is relieved to see his husband slowly seeming to be himself. Tom has a very important question to ask Hannah, while Hannah wonders about the difference between a father and a dad, and her relationship with Tom when those terms come into play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is a bit late, I had a school essay to right so that came first, but here it is! Today was a busy day and I didn't write today's chapter ahead a day like I have been, because I've been feeling under the weather. Do not fear, it is just a cold, much too much snot to be whatever you may worry it may be, too little coughing. 
> 
> Also, John may seem like he is getting there in his recovery, but I assure you this is only the tip of the ice burg. There is a LOT more he has to go through before he can be John again, Xander has anxiety because I have anxiety and like, why not. My Story My Rules.

It had been three days. Three days since the man- since Xander Lee had entered its room. The General hadn’t seen even a sign of his continued existence since it began singing. If it weren’t for the regular visits from the doctors, it would have no idea how much time had passed at all. It had figured out the schedule for the doctor’s visits at the very beginning, allowing it to keep time to a degree. That fact only made the absence of the man more confusing and-

No.

Worry was not an emotion the Hive had. Concern did not exist. The continued existence of the Hive created a similar emotion to concern, in order to protect their own, but it was not the same. Negative emotions like worry just weren’t there. They were confident. They knew they would win and worry was therefore unnecessary in all ways.

Then what was the feeling he had in his chest as the doctor once more came and left? He? No, no, it. The Hive knew best, it was a drone of the Hive. But… Where was the man? Where was Xander? In its head, the Hive kept screaming, insisting that the man meant nothing to it, that he-it should not care in the least about his absence. If the General had to think about anything, they told it that it should ‘concern’ itself with the first few bodies who had been placed in the machines and were now being violently ill.

Their bodies seemed to be attempting to expel the infection from themselves, but… that was impossible. Yes, it knew personally that it was beginning to feel strange. There were strange thoughts and feelings swirling around in its head as though some sort of fog was letting up slightly, but that meant nothing. The Hive took over General John McNamera, killed him by forcing him to breathe in spores that filled his lungs and drowned him from the inside out as those same spores dug roots into his mind, creating what the General now was. That couldn’t be undone, the Hive assured.

Still… Still…

Where was the man? Where was Xander Lee? Had it scared him away? No, that couldn’t be it. His laptop had been removed from the room on the first day, but the other personal items that were left in the room were still there. He wouldn’t just leave the SFU blanket on the chair in the room, he would have taken it, or had the person who grabbed his laptop to take it as well. Instead, it has stayed on the chair to its left for three days. All the General could do was stare at it and glare. The doctors wouldn’t talk to it, though the General didn’t blame them for that. It was sure that their job was easier if they pretended the people in the machines were not sentient and aware.

Its silence was broken by the door to the room swinging open, and a few workers entered the room, carrying a cot. They were general workers in the building, it knew, their work was to do whatever heavy work and maintenance was needed in the research building. Curious, the General watched as they set up the cot, placed a few pillows and a standard issue blanket. They made the bed carefully and seemed to be refusing to look at it.

“The blanket,” the General said. The duo flinched and froze, causing it to roll its eyes. “The Springfield-Franconia University blanket on the chair. Put it on the bed.”

The duo looked at each other, seeming confused, but did as it said before leaving. Good. They didn’t put the blanket on the right way- though how it knew what a ‘right way’ was confused it, but it knew Xander would appreciate it. How, it did not know, but he knew that Xander would appreciate the touch. Sure, the blanket was facing in the wrong direction (Xander believed that you should be able to read your blanket when you were laying down and got very upset that no one in the world seemed to agree), but it was… personal. Odd.

\---

Xander’s whole health scare had resulted in him being forced to stay in the hospital a second day, just to be safe, and a third day where Schaeffer basically put him on house arrest so that he would sleep more before truly returning to work. On the second day, he had been permitted his computer to do the most important work, but he had been prevented from throwing himself back at his work. He had also been prevented from visiting his husband.

He understood, he did. Xander knew that his near obsession with his husband’s health was causing him to be unable to take care of himself, and that taking a break from that would probably do him some good. Still, he knew that John would be spending his time alone and that thought killed him. Schaeffer had been doing the work of roughly three people while he recovered and hadn’t had the time to sit with him. She also hadn’t been able to keep him up to date on John’s condition because of that.

Xander had anxiety. That was nothing new. His brain simply lacked the right chemicals and it resulted in him having anxiety. This whole situation? All of the bullshit he was having to handle and fix? It was not helping. John was the one who helped ground him during an attack. Even though he wasn’t himself at the moment, he was still there and knowing that he was there made things better, even just slightly. Being alone in their home for a day had not exactly been soothing, not when he struggled to remind himself to breathe whenever something reminded him of his husband.

Everything reminded him of his husband at their home. Everything from the STU banner on the wall to their wedding pictures on the mantle, John was there. Xander hadn’t noticed before the house arrest that John had forgotten to put his coffee cup away the morning of the Apotheosis. He’d only been home for a few hours at a time before that, long enough to do basic self care before returning to John’s side once more. The ashtrays needed cleaned.

Oh god, if he survived the cure, John wouldn’t have any nicotine in his blood anymore. What would happen then? Would he go back to smoking? Would he not? Xander didn’t necessarily support the habit, but he couldn’t truly imagine his husband quitting. That was the least of his worries, why was he thinking about that anyway?

Xander collected his work bag once more, as if it were a normal day, and made his way back to the research building. He didn’t bother driving there, taking the time to walk instead given how sedentary he had been recently. Normally, Xander couldn’t stand sitting still. John had been so confused when Xander applied for a field agent position, given the fact that he was a physics student who was a well known science nerd. He simply couldn’t sit still for long.

How was he sitting still so long?

John. It was John, he would always do what John needed and right now John needed him by his side.

He reentered the building for the first time in three days and made his way to John’s room on the second floor. When he opened the door, he was surprised to see John sit up as much as he could in the pod and stare at him as if he’d seen a ghost. “Hey, sorry I’ve been gone,” Xander said awkwardly.

“Where have you been?” John asked, watching him as Xander began to set up at his desk once more.

Xander paused, surprised once more by what appeared to be concern from the infected man. He noticed then that his blanket had been placed on a cot that was now located between his desk and the wall. The cot was not there before. He did not know when it got there. Xander couldn’t help but smile a bit as Schaeffer’s plan to get him to sleep more. Of course. If he could sleep without leaving John’s side, he would. He quietly turned the blanket around so that the SFU logo would be facing the head of the bed before turning to John.

“Did you tell them to put the blanket on there?”

“Where have you been?”

John HAD asked first. Xander owed him an explanation. “I wore myself too thin trying to stay by your side and do the work for both of us. Ended up fainting right outside this room, got myself put in the hospital for two days and had to spend the third at home. You forgot to put your coffee cup away, by the way.”

John paused. “Who are you? I know your name is Xander Lee, I know your position within the PEIP, but who are you to me? Why am I not allowed to know that?”

Xander was once again startled. He knew John had officially been in the machine for a week at that point and that he would start to act more like himself, but he was genuinely shocked to see him asking that sort of question and to be showing concern. This wasn’t his husband. He didn’t sound like his husband, not really. But there was something of his husband there in the man in the tube. It was close enough to be painful and a relief all in one.

How did he answer his question? For all Xander knew, the Hive would punish him for finding out that information, or would prevent him from understanding what Xander said to begin with. “I’m… well… who do you think I am?”

“I don’t know. I know that you like the blanket facing you rather than away. I know you work yourself to the bone unless you’re stopped. I just don’t know why you’re always here, I don’t know why I know those things, and I don’t know why the Hive has prevented me knowing that information,” John said, sounding surprisingly frustrated.

Xander sighed in sympathy as he sat down in his chair. “I don’t want to tell you and potentially cause the Hive to punish you, so I won’t give you the simple answer. What I will say is that I love you, and that I will always love you, no matter what, okay?”

John didn’t respond right away as he seemed to think over what Xander said, before laying back down, relaxed. “Okay.”

\---

Hannah laughed as Tom hoisted her up onto his shoulders and ran across the green with her to where Ethan and Tim sat at their picnic. “No!” she cried as she laughed. She had run off (in order to be chased), and now found herself prisoner on top of Tom’s shoulders. That was still very exciting, given the fact that she had not been able to sit on Ethan or Lex’s shoulders for quite some time due to her childhood growth spurts.

“It’s lunchtime!” Tom disagreed, slowing down as they neared the picnic.

Ethan smiled up at them as he ate a strawberry. It was nice to see him smile again. He hadn’t smiled much since the Apotheosis, but there wasn’t much Hannah could do. Ethan didn’t want her to worry about him or hear him cry at night when she was supposed to be asleep, but she did. She also knew that if he knew that she was worried, or that she heard him, he’d find other ways to hide his sadness that Hannah didn’t think would be any better for him.

Tom had been talking to him about feeling stuff more, and Ethan seemed to be happier. That was good! Ethan needed a more grown up person to talk to, like she had with Ethan. She’d cried in his arms during the night more times than she could count, and it always made her feel better. If Ethan also had a grown up to talk to and cry with, he would feel better too, she was sure of it. Lex wouldn’t want them to be sad, not when she was right there in the tube, potentially being cured. She would want them to have fun and enjoy not having to go to normal school.

Tom sat her down on the blanket and sat down in his own corner of the blanket. “Does everyone have a sandwich and a juice box?” he asked, looking around to make sure.

“Yep!” Tim said cheerfully as he drank from his pouch.

“Good, time to dig in!” Tom declared, taking a bite of his own sandwich.

Tom had made them each sandwiches for the day out: salami and provolone for Ethan, ham and cheddar for Tim, and peanut butter and jelly for Hannah. He’d had to specifically hunt for the right brand of peanut butter and the right brand of jelly just for this, because Hannah couldn't stand most kinds of jelly just like she couldn’t stand sandwich meat. Tom did it though. He found the stuff she liked and even cut it up into four small triangles like she liked.

Was that the kinda thing a dad did? What did a dad do? Hannah had been questioning that more and more as Tom had been taking care of her and Ethan more. Was that the kind of thing a dad did? Ethan always talked about how brave and strong his dad was, so dads couldn’t all be bad, even if she didn’t meet all of them. Moms were shaky in their level of trustworthiness, given her personal experience with her bad mom and Ethan’s okay mom, but dad’s were a blank slate. She didn’t trust parental figures, but she had no basis of information for a father figure other than that her dad was supposedly a bad guy.

“What does a dad do?” Hannah asked suddenly.

Tom cleared his throat as Tim asked, “What do you mean? They do dad stuff like cut off the crust of your sandwich and take you to baseball practice.”

“I don’t have a dad. He left before I was born,” Hannah explained simply. “Ethan’s dad died when he was little. I don’t understand dads.”

“Dads do whatever they can to protect and take care of their children. They give them love and support and do what they can to make sure they’re safe and happy. Your father might be how you exist, but he’s never been your dad. No dad abandons their kid,” Tom said firmly.

So dads were different than fathers, that was useful information. Hannah filed that away for later. “So does that mean moms and mothers are different too?”

Tom nodded. “Your mom was mean and hurt you two and scared you a lot. That’s not what a mom does. Moms do the same thing that dads do, they just happen to be ladies rather than guys. Your mom gave birth to you two but she didn’t do the stuff moms are supposed to do, so she’s a mother and not a mom.”

Hannah filed that away as well. Tom knew lots of stuff, because he was Tim’s dad and Tim knew a lot of stuff. If he said that her parents were real parents because they were mean and didn’t take care of them, then he was right.

Tom cleared his throat again and sat down his sandwich. “Actually, speaking of that, I’ve got a question for you, Hannah Banana. You deserve a real dad, a real parent who can take care of you and Lex, so Lex can be a teenager and you can be a kid. I know Lex from school, and I know she’s a great girl, just like you are. You both deserve a stable home, you deserve not to wonder where your next meal was coming from. Lex deserves to be able to focus on school rather than making a living to support you both. You deserve a home that isn’t overstimulating and is safe. You are so smart, and brave, and creative, and I am happy I got to meet you, even if it wasn’t in a good time.

“If you would like, if you’d like to be part of my family, I want to adopt you and Lex, make you my kids legally, so you can live with Tim and I, and you never have to see your mom again. I’ve been talking about it with the people here. I can get custody of you both due to emergency circumstances as a result of her being legally dead. If Lex gets better, she’s gonna get better before your mom does, if she survives the treatment too, so if she makes it, I will already have custody of you two and she will have to fight me for custody, and I don’t think she has a chance at winning that fight.

“I’ve also been assigned a home here on the base for Tim and I to live in, with two extra bedrooms and an office we can make into another bedroom for Ethan. The isolation is over, so we can go to Clivesdale to get you stuff for your own bedroom, and stuff for Lex’s, and toys! You can have your own space, and we can decorate it however you want, if you want. Tim and I have already talked about it and he has decided he would love to have you as a sister if you want to. It’s all up to you, Banana. Nothing that makes you uncomfortable ever has to happen,” Tom concluded.

Hannah looked at Ethan and saw him smiling. He was in on it. Tim was smiling too, also obviously aware of this. Webby was silent, but Hannah knew it was because she had already told Hannah everything she needed to know when it came to Tom. She’d told her that Tom would protect her, that she should trust him. Trusting grownups was hard, but Tom had done nothing but earn her trust and respect through treating her like a person and taking care of her the best he could.

And he wanted to be her dad too. Her very own dad, She and Lex could have a dad who liked them, who wanted to care for them and protect them and heck, even buy them decorations for their bedrooms. Bedrooms! Not just one they shared, but one for each of them! Their very own space! They’d always shared a little bed in their tiny room in the trailer. Hannah didn’t even know how she would decorate that sort of thing, but she would have the opportunity to find out.

“You really want us? Both of us? You want to be our dad?” Hannah asked quietly.

“I haven’t wanted anything this much in a very long time. It would be my honor to be you and Lex’s dad,” Tom said with a smile, tears appearing to be forming in his eyes.

Hannah felt her own tears forming, and she rushed forward, hugging him tightly. “Yes! Yes, you can be our dad!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upon adopting Hannah and Lex, Tom will be able to live in the house even without his job due to their powers being so important. They need to be protected and trained, so Tom and Tim get to live on the base as long as either of them live with them. He also works on base and therefore has the right to apply for a home on the base rather than a dorm because he has a family.


	12. A Man So Vague

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom roasts Paul for looking as interesting as a slice of white bread while bonding with Emma. Hannah finds IKEA overwhelming and her new family comforts her to the best of their ability. Xander and Schaeffer have a fight because it's late and they're cranky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot explain why Tom spends the majority of the first scene mentally roasting Paul but ya know, that happens sometimes. Warning for the second part, Hannah has what I suppose is a meltdown or a panic attack, so if you can't read that sort of thing right now that's a thing!

Tom did not know Paul. He had never met the man before the Apotheosis, and frankly he looked like the most generic white man to ever live. That was coming from a white guy! He looked like the emoji of a businessman turned into a living person. He looked like if khakis and black coffee had a child who was a business major in college and liked math in high school. He looked like the most boring person Tom had ever laid eyes on.

But, there had to be something interesting about him if Emma was sparing him this much time and thought.

In high school, he hadn’t been friends with the Perkins sisters, but between what he’d learned through osmosis and from his wife, she wasn’t the type to waste time on anyone or anything she did not see the point in. She had always been set in her ways, and set in her opinions. If you didn’t bring anything to the table, if you didn’t interest her, she didn’t care. She didn’t care about your opinion of her, she didn’t care about treating you nicely. Emma was a bitch, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Her attitude led her to living on her own a world away from Hatchetfield. She believed in herself in ways Tom had always admired, and he knew she could do just about anything if she wanted to. Right now? Right now she wanted to spend hours by the bedside of the most boring ass guy Tom had ever seen, who kept singing love songs in an attempt to free himself.

Tom hadn’t understood it. He really hadn’t. There didn’t seem to be anything of note about the guy except for the fact that apparently she’d survived the Apotheosis with him and had known him a bit beforehand. Still, she was spending a lot of time beside him, she’d insisted that he went in the third pod they’d created. There had to be… something. Something that wasn’t obvious.

“I never liked working at that shop but he was one of the only customers I could stand. It wasn’t because he was super nice or anything, it was because he was an asshole,” Emma said suddenly.

Tom looked up from his computer. “Oh?”

“Yeah! Well, not to me, but that’s what made him cool. We snarked about musicals and my coworkers and just whatever, you know? He’s an asshole, but so am I,” Emma said, clearly struggling to explain her feelings.

“He doesn’t like musicals?” Tom asked, amused. He hadn’t sat with her in that room much given how busy he’d been, but he wanted to support her as well.

“Oh fuck no, he hates them. When he gets better, he’s going to be so pissed off. I can just imagine what he’s going to say, ‘that was literally my definition of hell’,” she joked, though Tom couldn’t help but notice the sadness in her eyes.

“This is hell,” Paul grumbled from inside the tube.

He looked terrible, aside from being the most bland man Tom had ever seen. Paul was roughly two weeks into his treatment, and his body had begun to expel the infection in any way it could. As far as they could tell, it didn’t speed up the process any, but it did show that their systems were functioning enough to try and cure itself from the infection. This left him with blue blood all over his shirt and face and the inside of the tube as his body attempted to get rid of the spores orally. He looked miserable, like someone with a stomach bug, and Tom genuinely felt bad for him.

“With any luck it’ll get better, alright?” Emma said, clearly trying to seem annoyed.

Paul just nodded in response though, which made her frown. They had no idea what they were doing. They had no idea if any of these people were going to live. For Paul’s sake, he hoped the process would only get easier from there, though he knew that likely wasn’t going to happen.

“Oh, Tom. Paul works with Charlotte!” Emma said. The tinge of denial in her voice was painful, but Tom couldn’t bring himself to point out the truth.

“Really?” he said instead. “She’s an old friend of mine, Paul. She and I were friends in high school.”

“She’s having an affair,” Paul mumbled in response.

Well. Tom learned two things from that; one being that Paul was coherent enough to think about such things, and the other being that Charlotte was having an affair. It didn’t necessarily surprise him, given what he knew about her marriage with Sam, but it was still something he had not expected to find out from the undead form of her coworker.

“Is that so?” Tom asked, unsure how else to respond.

Paul needed, closing his eyes tightly as though the lights hurt them. “His name is Ted, he works with us.”

“... Alright then… is he better to her than Sam is?” he asked.

Paul just shrugged, seeming to be growing tired from the conversation. Emma stepped in to respond instead, saying, “I have no idea how Sam treats her, I do know he killed and infected her, but I don’t know much else about their relationship. I do know that Ted is an asshole who said he likes having sex with other men’s wives and also tried to leave Paul for dead so…?”

Tom sighed and rolled his eyes. “She’s always had a type. Not even a type you’d expect for someone like her. She’s always liked assholes. No idea why. Not even good assholes like us, I mean the kind that cheats on her and leaves her in a loveless marriage.”

“Did you just group us together?” Emma asked, giving him a sly look.

“... Yeah?”

“Yeah, we’re both assholes. Us and Paul. We’re three of a kind,” she said, punching him in the shoulder.

\---

All things considered, it could be worse. If Hatchetfield was fine, the store would be far busier and that would make it even more overwhelming. As it was, Hannah was standing in the middle of the kids bedroom area of IKEA trying very hard not to explode. Everything was too bright and loud and there was so much everywhere.

She wanted very much to just have a nice day with Ethan and Tom and Tim and Emma who had come along with them for their shopping. Hannah didn’t want to be a bother with how her brain was screaming at her, insisting that everything was too much. She wanted to have fun, she wanted to get furniture for her very own room and go out to eat with her family. She didn’t want to have a meltdown in the middle of IKEA.

Her mother had always gotten so mad when she got overwhelmed, when everything was too much. She’d yell and drag her and make everything worse. Though she knew that no one she was with would do that, she also knew that Tom hadn’t seen her really have a meltdown yet. He had always been so nice, he wanted to be her dad and everything! That didn’t mean he really understood how much of a bother she was, how much of a problem she was.

Lex always said she wasn’t a problem, or a bother. She’d notice when Hannah was getting overwhelmed and would take her out of the situation so she could calm down. Lex wasn’t there though. Lex was dead and being cured, stuck in a tube for as long as it takes. She wasn’t there, and she wasn’t herself and the lights were so bright and there were so many things everywhere things things things things things things things things things everywhere.

Hannah squeezed her eyes shut and alternated between covering her ears with her hands and biting them, curling up in a ball on the floor. Too much too much too much toomuchtoomuchtoomuchtoomuch. She knew sounds were coming out of her mouth but she wasn’t really aware of what was happening. Her brain was screaming and there were too many things, too much noise even when the noise was coming from the Black and White, the thoughts of others, and not the store around her.

She felt her arms being gently taken and held as she was hugged securely. It wasn’t Ethan, too big. Tom? Tom. Felt like Tom. She sobbed into his chest as she struggled with her brain yelling at her. Hannah didn’t know what else to do, and resolved to simply ride it out. The pressure from the hug helped relieve some of the knot inside of her, and the fact that it was Tom who was there, who was trying to help and wasn’t yelling at her or dragging her away, comforted her deeply.

As the feeling of too much slowly began to release its grip on her, she became more aware of how he was rocking her, softly singing an old rock song. She sniffled and gently tried to pull her hand from his. Her hand was sore from the biting, but it would be alright. Seeing that she was calming down, he let go so she could wipe away her tears. He continued rocking her though as she continued to come down from the Brain Scream Time.

Once she was ready, she gently patted his arm and struggled against him so that he would release her. Once he did, she stood up and once again rubbed her eyes. Crying was terrible. It made your eyes feel funny due to the water. Tom stood up as well and dusted himself off.

“Do you want me to carry you?” Tom asked softly.

Hannah debated the question. On one hand, she wasn’t sure if touch was good or bad at the moment. On the other, she could hide her face in his shoulder when it became too much again. After another moment she nodded, glad she was still small enough that he could carry her like that. Tim was too big to carry a lot, so she thought herself quite lucky.

Tom picked her up and she hid her face against his shoulder. “Do you want to go home?” he asked.

She was glad he asked her a yes or no question so she could respond without talking. After that, words were a bit too much. Talking just wasn’t going to happen. She shook her head, not wanting to go home but also unsure what to do from there.

“Alright, how about we look and see if there’s something we think you’ll like, and if we find something we’ll tell you to look, okay?” Tom asked, which Hannah nodded in response to.

“Would earbuds help? They won’t cut all the sound but it could help a little?” Emma asked, pulling her earbuds out of her purse. “I’ve got sunglasses too, if it’s too bright.”

Hannah was touched by the offers. She didn’t know Emma much, just that she was Tim’s aunt and therefore part of the family. Even without knowing her, Emma was still offering her help in the little ways she could. She nodded in response to her question, then again in an attempt to indicate that the sunglasses would also help. Emma quietly held them out for her, and Hannah put the earbuds in and the glasses on.

Ethan ruffled her hair, saying, “You look just as cool as Lex right now, Banana, you gotta know that. The sunglasses? The earbuds? You’re Lex level cool.”

“Yeah! You’re totally cool,” Tim encouraged.

Hannah smiled at them both and hid her face back against Tom’s shoulder. This was… nice. It was nice to have so many people there to support her and care about her. There was a family of support now, more than just Lex. She couldn’t wait until Lex got to take part.

\---

“As of six pm the threat was neutralized. The agents involved were debriefed and I will get those files to you as soon as I have them on my desk,” Shaeffer concluded.

Xander sighed, taking off his glasses and sitting them on his desk. “And you didn’t think to tell me that there was a threat to begin with.”

“You have enough on your plate at the moment, I didn’t think you needed to be concerned about such a minor threat,” she explained, though she looked a bit like a child being scolded.

“A minor threat can easily become a major threat. You can’t just… not tell me that there is a minor apocalypse happening in the middle of the desert. Nothing is truly minor in that town, you know that,” he disagreed.

“With all due respect, Night Vale has a minor apocalypse level threat weekly. I didn’t think I needed to tell you that the birds in the town were driving everyone insane,” she said.

Xander kneaded his forehead and prayed to the dead god for patience. “If it was a normal Night Vale thing you wouldn’t have sent people in. PEIP agreed to not meddle in the town’s business unless it was absolutely necessary back in the eighties. So! Either you broke a treaty with old gods, or you’re lying to me about how big the threat was.”

Schaeffer was silent. “... The birds had spread to the next few towns around Night Vale,” she admitted. “If it leaves Night Vale it’s our business.”

“So, birds were driving small town Navada insane and you didn’t think it was important to tell me that it was happening,” Xander said. There were few times he felt like a parent, and it was times like this that he could truly empathize with Tom Houston.

“The birds were killed easily, and then they all just suddenly dropped dead like things tend to do from Night Vale. The agents collected the birds without issue, it was never anything serious enough for your attention until after reports were filed,” she said defensively.

“The birds were driving people insane! If the agents got overwhelmed, they could have taken over all of Navada, it’s not like there’s much in the desert to take over!”

“It wasn’t a difficult situation to handle. The agents wore headphones to block out the sound and they were fine!”

“And if the headphones hadn’t worked? If they’d gotten the headphones taken off?”

“The situation was under control! If it wasn’t, I would have brought it to your attention!”

“You should have told me it was happening in the first place, I am currently in charge here, you are my right hand, I need to know you’re going to tell me everything and not try to protect me when you know I’m having a rough time!”

“I was only trying to make your job easier. With everything going on-”

“Amanda!” Xander said sharply, slamming his hand on the table for emphasis. After a moment’s pause he sighed again and rubbed his eyes. “We are done arguing. If you want to keep your job you won’t pull this shit again. You’re the one who looks like they haven’t slept now. Go home, get a shower, eat something, go to bed. If I’m supposed to take better care of myself, you can’t stop taking care of yourself.”

“Sir-”

“Colonel Schaeffer, I do not need the files on my desk tonight, go to bed. It’s late. You’ve been working overtime too. I understand why you held this back from me, but I need you to know you can’t do that. I know you wouldn’t do it if you weren’t tired. Go to bed.”

The woman paused before sighing, rubbing her forehead. “Alright. I’ll go to bed. Just- don’t call me Amanda when I’m on duty. I can’t have the privates knowing-”

“That your name is Amanda? That Schaeffer is your last name and Amanda is your first?”

“- that I have a personal life,” she concluded.

Xander rolled his eyes. “Go to bed!”

“Good night, sir,” she said with a slight smile.

“Good night, Amanda,” he teased as she left the room.

Now alone again with John he sighed and rubbed his eyes. “She is one of PEIP’s greatest assets, and one of our biggest handfuls, isn’t she?”

“You are in charge, she is your handful to manage,” John replied simply.

Xander rolled his eyes as he yawned. “I’m going to bed. Wake me up if you need me,” he said as he crawled into the cot.”

“I will,” John said, closing his own eyes in order to sleep as well.

The cot wasn’t comfortable, but it was something. Xander couldn’t sleep on his back, so he curled up in his usual ball, though the cot was a bit too small for it to be comfortable. Still, he felt more ready to sleep than he had in a long time. There was something comforting about hearing his husband’s machine working through the night that allowed him to sleep soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, yes I included Night Vale, because why NOT. I also chose the name Amanda for Schaeffer because it's a nice name and I like it.


	13. Why Does it Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family takes a trip to Hannah's old home and she admits how much she misses her sister. Tom and Emma have a talk about Jane while sitting at Charlotte's bedside. John struggles with the fact that he is John as his body begins to fight the infection as best as it can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, there is a very not graphic depiction of throwing up in the last section. I hate it, you hate it, but throwing up is part of the body's natural reactions to illness so it be like that.
> 
> Also today, March 18th, is my sister's birthday, happy birthday! I know you haven't caught up in the story yet, but I love you and I'm glad you're reading it!

Hannah stared at the home, the trailer, she had always shared with her sister and mother. They were there to pick up anything Hannah thought that she or Lex would want to keep, but she still hesitated before going up the stairs to the trailer. She knew her mother wasn’t there, she knew there was nothing to be afraid of, but that didn’t change the fear she felt.

“Is this really where you and Lex lived?” Tim asked as he jumped in a nearby puddle.

Hannah nodded, amused as Tom ran over to stop him. She turned to look at Ethan who noticed and shook her hat back and forth on her head, making her laugh.

“I know this is hard, Banana, but after this you don’t ever have to come back here, how’s that sound?” Ethan asked quietly.

She gave him a small smile and nodded again as she fixed her hat’s location on her head. Holding onto Ethan’s plaid jacket for comfort and went up the stairs. Hannah knew the door would be unlocked, given the fact that the lock had broken ages ago and the only way to keep people out at that point was the chunk of wood Lex would put in front of the door to stop it from opening. Still, she hesitated, scared for a moment that her mother was still inside, infected and ready to attack. Taking a deep breath, she steeled her nerves and opened the door. 

It smelled worse inside than she ever remembered it. The scent of stale cigarette smoke and beer welcomed them into the trailer, causing Hannah to cover her nose with her free hand. There was blue blood dried into the carpet, but clearly no one had entered the place in the six weeks since the Apotheosis, which relieved Hannah greatly.

“Jesus Christ,” Tom whispered as he looked around the messy and cramped trailer. There was no sign of a struggle, which didn’t seem to comfort Tom in the slightest. In fact, to Hannah’s surprise, he looked disgusted and angry. She looked up at him, confused. He noticed her expression and his own morphed into a guarded one so she wouldn’t see that anymore. “Alright let’s get in and out of here as quick as possible. This much smoke isn’t good for anybody’s lungs. Tim, I want you to stay outside.” Tim seemed confused but shrugged and went back to playing in the puddles.

Hannah nodded, and opened the door nearest to the front door, which happened to be her and Lex’s room. She heard Tom make another upset sound behind her, but she ignored it in favor of collecting toys and handing them to Tom, who then handed them to Ethan who had the box they’d brought. He was grabbing things he knew Lex would want as well: clothes, makeup, the few knickknacks he’d given her or she’d bought herself with the little money she had. Hannah focused on grabbing her own things, such as the weighted blanket Lex had saved up for months to be able to buy.

She and Lex never had much. Most of her toys came from garage sales or were swiped from Toy Zone by Lex. Their clothes came from Goodwill, or were gifts from people in the trailer park when their kids had outgrown their clothes. None of it was the greatest of quality, none of it was fancy, but it was the best Lex could do with what money she had left after their mom got her beer and her supply. Lex did her best, she was a great sister.

“Lex,” Hannah whimpered, hugging her sister’s old hoodie.

The room was tight without anyone in it, but he squeezed down onto the ground to be at eye level with her, kneeling down to gently tug on her sleeve. “I know you miss her, but it’s going to be okay. She’s two weeks into the treatment now, she’s halfway there as far as we can tell. I know how hard it is to miss someone, I know it so well, but we gotta keep moving forward. It’s gonna be okay whether she gets better or not. We can love those that aren’t here, even when it hurts. We’ll be here for you no matter what,” he said quietly.

She didn’t want Lex to die forever, she wanted her to get better and for them to have a happy ever after living with Tom and Tim. Hannah wanted Lex to be able to become an actress, to be able to marry Ethan, to become the great grown up that Hannah knew she was going to be. They didn’t necessarily have a choice in the matter, however much she wished. Few people had a choice in what death they received, and Lex very possibly was yet another person who didn’t. She’d already died once, hadn’t she? It was sudden and terrifying and if Lex lived, she would probably be traumatized.

“Hannah?” Tom asked, concerned by her lack of response.

“I want Lex,” Hannah whispered.

“I know, honey,” he sighed, hugging her tightly. “We all do. It’s going to be okay.”

Hannah hugged back and nodded, sighing as well. She was sad, she had been constantly in some way since the Apotheosis and she wondered if that sad would ever go away. Hannah didn’t know the words to articulate that emotion though, well, she knew them, but saying them was the difficult part. Hugging Tom was the best she could do to express her emotions, but it felt like he understood. She could feel it.

“I think I got everything, Hannah. Do you want to look over the room to see if there was anything I forgot?” Ethan asked.

She nodded and let go of Tom before turning back to the room. It was strange to see the personal items all gone, leaving the bedroom to seem like a husk more than the place she’d grown up. After that, she was never going to have to come back to the trailer again. She was never going to have to worry about where dinner was coming from, or whether their mom was going to overdose.

Ethan had done a good job picking everything of importance. He knew both of them well enough to know what to take and what to leave. Hannah nodded to convey that they were set to go, and put her sister’s hoodie on over top of her other clothes. Ethan gave her a thumbs up and carried the box out to the car. She looked around the room once more, giving it a silent goodbye before following him outside.

Upon everyone buckling their seat belts, Tom headed back to the base. He and Tim had already been in the process of packing up their old house and having things moved to the new one, so everything was coming together. Hannah watched the trailer disappear behind the car with relief, glad to know that part of her life was over forever.

\---

Charlotte wasn’t doing well. It was week three of her treatment and it seemed like her body was becoming exhausted from expelling the spores. She was mumbling and humming to herself, delirious from her raised temperature caused by her body’s continued fight to free itself from the infection. Her vitals were not dangerously bad, but they weren’t as good as they had been, and the doctors had alerted Tom to that update so that he could visit her before the fever took over entirely.

“She was nice,” Emma said softly, patting his knee.

Tom had his head in his hands, trying to process the situation. It was bad enough that it seemed like Charlotte’s body was giving out, but it also pointed to the fear that everyone involved in the project had. If she didn’t survive, could any of them survive? How was he supposed to explain to his new little daughter that the big sister she idolized wasn’t going to get better, because he hadn’t done good enough? How was he supposed to explain to Emma that the machine he helped invent wasn’t good enough to cure the guy she wanted to know better? How was he going to live with the knowledge that Xander was going to lose his husband because he didn’t do the job he’d given him well enough?

“I remember graduation, how she gave a speech as the leader of whatever club. It was such a lame speech, man, all about community and friendship and memories…”

“It was the Honor Society, I think,” Tom said quietly. “She was always so gullible, but she wasn’t stupid. She was the reason Sam graduated at all, she did his homework.”

“Riiight, that thing. Jane was in it too until she graduated,” Emma said.

“I’ve already got the little plaque she got for that service project she did senior year put up on the mantle,” Tom said, finally looking up at her. “Your sister was so proud of that thing.”

“Oh I know. We had it up on our mantle until she moved out I think. I hated that thing,” Emma replied.

“Really?” Tom laughed. “Why?”

Emma shrugged. “Always felt like it was watching me, judging me.”

“You know she was proud of you, right?”

Emma was silent, looking down at her hands.

Tom put his hand on her knee this time and squeezed. “She always thought you were great. She talked so much about how brave you are, how strong you are. She was always so proud of how well you were doing so far from home. Jane would always tell me how cool it was that you managed to get out of Hatchetfield, that you were living your dream… Emma, she never wanted you to be more like her, she loved you for who you are, and she was so proud of how strongly you stuck to your guns and remained true to yourself.”

“Fuck, you’re an asshole,” she mumbled as she wiped at her eyes before the tears could fall.

“Yeah, maybe, but I’m not wrong. There’s a reason she never stopped inviting you to things, you know. She always thought you were super busy with your great life, but she never stopped loving you, and she always wanted you to be a part of this family. After your parents died, she was all broken up. She wanted to make sure you never felt like you were alone in the world… You’re her little sister, you will always be her little sister, even when you get older than she got to be. She would be happy to see you taking part in the family now.”

“You really are an asshole. I’m here to support you and there you go, making me cry,” she huffed as she rubbed her eyes once more before quickly hugging him.

He hugged back until she pulled away and rubbed his own eyes. “Yeah, maybe I am, but so are you.”

“I have been living to make her proud for the last year. What do I do now?” she asked with a sniffle.

“Well, what do you want to do?” Tom asked in return.

“I don’t know. I’ve never really known. I guess… I guess I’ve actually found that I like biology? And botany?”

“Then stick with that. Ask around the science people if they’ll give you an internship. You aren’t too old for that shit, you know?”

Emma laughed. “I guess you’re right, maybe I will… You know she’s proud of you too, right? Wherever she is in death. She loved you a lot. She’d be proud of how well you’re doing, how well you’re taking care of Tim.”

“Oh fuck you,” he said with a laugh, rubbing the tears from his own eyes now.

“I wish I could have been at your wedding, at Tim’s baby-shower. I wish-”

“Shut the hell up,” Tom laughed, shoving her gently.

\---

The General groaned, wishing it could curl in a ball. Everything inside of its body ached, as though it had a bad flu. It knew these feelings through its connection to the Hive, but that connection seemed to be growing more and more strained as the days passed. At first it had panicked, but knowing it had no choice in the matter, it had accepted its fate.

Xander was there, working on his laptop as he always did, but he seemed distracted by the General’s every movement. The separation it was gaining from the Hive caused it distress not just because it couldn’t receive orders as well now, but also because it knew that the Hive had stolen parts of him when they infected it. If he-it was separated from the Hive, how was it ever going to get those parts back? It knew the Hive didn’t like that it was concerned about those pieces of John McNamera that were taken, but those parts included who Xander was to him, and he-it needed that information.

“Xander,” he-it grunted, curling on its side as best as it could to face him. “Please, release my left arm restraint.”

The man paused, his hands hovering above the keys as he thought about the request. “I don’t think I can do that, John. You’re going to try and remove the IV.”

J- The General rolled onto its over side as best as it could, due to its stomach rolling. He understood why Xander was concerned, but he simply felt like shit. “Please,” he mumbled. Xander did not respond though, and Jo-the General squeezed its eyes shut. His stomach rolled once more and it felt the blue infection from inside fighting to exit its body.

“Shit!” Xander cried as Joh- it began to expel the infection in the only way its body knew how. Xander quickly stood and released its arm so it could more comfortably handle the situation.

The event continued for a time, though how long it took he did not know. It was painful and disgusting, resulting in him having blue blood messily spread across his clothes and face. He looked up at the machines doing this to him, to the plastering that kept the IV from being easily torn out. It wasn’t worth doing. If he felt any better, he might have the strength, but he couldn’t gather the energy to do it then, not after all that.

Breathing hurt. It was breathing? It? He? Breathing was impossible given the amount of blue shit inside his lungs, but his body was trying to do it anyway, resulting in a wheezing sound filling the air. What was its body doing? Trying to live again? Trying to start again? Whatever it was doing, the whole thing was painful.

“John?” Xander asked quietly.

John- the General forced himself to roll over to see him. Xander’s eyes were filled with concern as he looked at him from the other side of the glass. He didn’t like that expression on his face, didn’t like to see him worry. John als- the General also didn’t know how to make the concern go away. Nothing about the situation would be comforting for him. Nothing he said would put Xander at ease. So, he thought he might as well be honest.

“Hurts,” he wheezed, resting his knuckles against the glass. He hadn’t realized there was blue shit on his hand until it smeared.

Xander pulled his chair over to sit closer to him and sighed, placing his hand against the glass. “I know, hon. I’m sorry.”

John di- John? Why did he- he?

The General groaned in his confusion and pain. He couldn’t understand what his mind was doing. He couldn’t understand why he was developing a sense of individuality. It scared him, like the distance growing between him and the Hive scared him. This wasn’t supposed to happen. The Hive had assured him that it wouldn’t, that he was a part of them for eternity, but there he was, slowly getting separated.

He could hear the Hive screaming in his mind, they weren’t so far away that he couldn’t be touched. They were angry, so angry. Angry at the Hive, angry at him for growing apart from them. He apologized to them, insisting that he didn’t want this, that he was loyal, that he wouldn’t leave them if he had the choice. The General knew that they could still punish him, and their anger terrified him even more. He couldn’t bear the thought of a punishment while feeling like such shit.

John coughed up more of the blue shit and moved his hand to lay flat against the glass where Xander’s hand was. “I’m scared,” he wheezed, looking up into Xander’s eyes.

Xander seemed to break, placing another hand against the glass. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. It’s going to be okay,” he whispered, brushing the tears from his eyes. John didn’t like how sad Xander seemed, how heartbroken he looked, but he didn’t know what he could do to fix that. He wished he could run his hand through the man’s hair and kiss his forehead, though he didn’t know what that was.

John just nodded, somehow soothed by that statement. He knew, logically, that Xander’s words couldn’t be proven, but hearing him comfort him in that way made some part of him believe it would be alright. Xander was there. Xander would still be there, he wasn’t leaving him. “Can I sleep?” he whimpered.

“Yeah, Honey, go to sleep, okay? I’m not going anywhere, go to sleep,” Xander replied, sniffling as he got himself in a more comfortable position by the glass.

He didn’t like how sad Xander sounded, but he was relieved that he could go to sleep and escape the pain and fear he was feeling. John allowed his eyes to slide shut and his mind to slip away to sleep, distantly aware of the sound of sobbing coming from the other side of the glass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of this chapter, these people have been in the machine for this long:  
> Charlotte - three weeks  
> Paul - two and a half weeks  
> John - two weeks  
> Lex - two weeks
> 
> At week 1, the person begins to act more like themselves, gain more freedom of thought. At week two, the body's natural defenses are finally able to activate to help. At week three, the body begins to wear down both the infection and itself resulting in weakening vitals. At week four -...?


	14. You Never Should Settle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family moves into their new house on base! Hannah gets to choose which bedroom she wants. Tom and Ethan talk about losing the loves of their lives. Xander mocks the Hive for not being able to write a better song to try and get him to free John prematurely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning, it is four am and I have not slept yet because I was working on this. If there are a lot of mistakes in the chapter, I apologize, I tried to catch them all, but it is very hard to do when you are v tired. Also just so you know, next chapter is going to be a lot of emotions mostly sad but it isn't written yet so WHO KNOWS.

"I tell ya, kids, these houses are way better than the usual base housing. It's still a townhouse, but look at this kitchen!" Tom exclaimed, holding his arms out dramatically. "Look at that faucet! Pristine!"

Emma rolled her eyes. "It's great, bring that stool in so I can sit down and start unpacking stuff," she said. She was doing better, but she was still on crutches and couldn't stand for long.

"Got it right here, Emma," Ethan said as he walked in with a bar stool held on each shoulder.

"How the hell am I supposed to get on that? I'm short and injured."

"I'll pick you up and put you on it," Tom joked. He sat a box down on the island so she would be able to work and left to grab more things from the truck while Ethan sat the stools down.

"What room do you want?" Tim asked Hannah as the pair ran up the stairs.

She was still a bit struck by how big the place was in comparison to the trailer. Each of the bedrooms were bigger than her mom's room, which wasn't saying much given how small the whole place was, but even so the size amazed her. Choosing one was impossible, so she simply shrugged and pointed to Tim.

"Alright, that one's gonna be dad's, cause it's the master and he gets the biggest bedroom. Oh, I know! I'll take the bedroom across from his so you and Lex can have the other two that face each other! You just get to pick whether you want the one facing the front or the back," Tim concluded.

Hannah crept down the hall and looked in each room carefully. The room facing the front had sunshine shining through the window in the morning light, while the room facing the back had its window above the covered patio. That made the choice easy. "Lex," she said pointing to the room facing the back.

"Right!" Tim exclaimed, jumping and slapping the sticky letter 'L' onto the door.

"Don't slap the door!" Tom called from downstairs.

Tim looked like someone caught breaking the law before laughing. It was his job to put the letters on the doors so the others would know what room to take certain things to, and he was taking it very seriously, obviously. He put the 'H' on Hannah's door, then the 'i' on his door and the 'o' on his father's. Hannah clapped cheerfully and jumped up and down, which caused Tim to bow.

If anyone other than Ethan was going to be her brother, she was glad it was Tim. Tim was a different kind of older brother, given how close in age they were. He was closer to ten and she was closer to eight, but he liked to play with her and thought up fun things to do, while Ethan and Lex were always so worried about keeping her healthy and escaping their bad situation. Sure, they’d play, but they played like Tom played. Grownups just didn’t do it like kids did it, they didn’t come up with cool stuff like kids did.

“Kids, I got some boxes here you can take up!” Tom called.

The pair ran down the stairs and stood in front of Tom, who handed each of them a box. It was a bit heavy for Hannah, but she happily ran it up to her bedroom. They did a few more trips, carrying as much as they could to their rooms as Ethan helped Tom carry in the bigger things. By the time they got everything inside it was after lunchtime and Tom got busy making sandwiches.

“Usually we’d get pizza, but I don’t think Clivesdale can deliver all the way here,” Tom explained as he handed each of them a plate, then Emma a beer.

Tim and Hannah sat at the dining room table with Tom while Ethan sat on the other stool at the island. Hannah was glad they’d brought the sandwich supplies, because she loved peanut butter and jelly. It made her warm inside to know that Tom went searching in two different shops in Clivesdale to find the kind of jelly she liked. She didn’t have to worry about not having food she could stand in the house because Tom clearly cared enough to make sure she ate.

As Emma sat down her beer, Ethan quickly swiped it and took a sip. “Hey!” Emma cried, reaching to grab it back from him. Ethan used his height to his advantage and held it as far above her head as he could, laughing.

“Hey hey hey, knock it off. If you want a beer you ask, you don’t steal. I’ll let you have one, if you ask, but if you steal it you get none, alright? You’re eighteen, you can handle a beer in a responsible setting, I don’t want you thinking you’ve got to sneak out to do that shit,” Tom scolded.

“Alright alright,” Ethan laughed, handing the beer back to Emma.

“Thanks,” she said sarcastically, taking another sip before sitting it down.

“Can I have beer?” Tim asked.

Everyone above the age of nine broke out into laughter. “You wouldn’t like beer,” Tom said sympathetically.

Tim pouted because he knew that to be true. Tom had let him have a sip a while back so that he would be turned off of the stuff, or so Hannah had been told. She didn’t like the stuff because of how her mom acted when she drank it, so she had never tried to taste it. Lex said it was bad for kids anyway, so she didn’t think she was missing much. Occasionally Lex and Ethan would steal a bottle from the fridge and sit by the river together, talking about the future. Hannah hoped they would get to do that again. It was why she gave her sister the room with the easiest escape route, so she could sneak out of the house.

After lunch, Tom and Ethan went about putting together Hannah’s bedroom furniture. Hannah and Tim were instructed to help Emma unpack things by putting them away and bringing her a new box when she needed. It felt good to be helpful. Usually Hannah felt like a drain, always having someone taking care of her, never able to contribute much because of the situation she and Lex had been in. Now, she was helping! She was contributing!

Eventually Tom called her up to her room, so she put away what was in her hands and ran up the stairs. When she entered the room, she saw that they had her white bed set up with the blue sky sheets and the house-like bed tent in the corner opposite the door. She loved the little hot air balloons all over them and the extra pillow they’d gotten. They’d also put up her curtains, with the little butterflies all over. Against the wall to the right of the door, they’d put her desk and chair, along with the box containing school and art supplies they’d gotten her. Against the wall the door was on they had placed her wardrobe and bookcase next to the swivel chair with the cover she could close to hide in when she needed to. In the corner was her toy box, and all of the boxes containing her clothes and toys.

Hannah smiled brightly and hugged them both individually. “Thanks,” she said quietly as she began to bounce. It was crazy that all that stuff was hers, that the room was hers. She had her own space!

“Of course, sweetheart! Do you like how we set the place up?” Tom asked.

“I put up the curtains,” Ethan said nodding to the things. “I have the longest arms in the family.”

Hannah giggled and nodded. They had talked about how she wanted the room setup before move-in day, she’d even drawn them a picture to show exactly what she wanted, so seeing it all in place was exciting.

“Great! I’m glad. Can you work on unpacking your stuff and putting it away?” Tom asked.

She nodded once more.

“Good! Alright, Ethan, onto Tim’s room,” Tom said as he led Ethan out of her room. While they didn’t have to put together the furniture, they did have to put it in the right places.

Hannah busied herself by opening the boxes in her room and putting her things in their appropriate drawers. As she did, she found her sister’s favorite coat, causing her to hesitate. Lex was going to want it back once she was better, but for now Hannah didn’t think her sister would mind if she held onto it. She draped it over the top of her bed so she could still feel Lex nearby. This was going to be a good place, the best place, Hannah just knew it.

\---

“I wanna thank you for all the help you’ve been giving today,” Tom said to Ethan as they continued reorganizing Tim’s room.

Ethan shrugged. “It’s no big, you know? You’ve taken in my girls, and you’ve been being a dad to me too, so we’re basically family. When I marry Lex, we’ll be legal and everything.”

Tom hesitated before sitting down on Tim’s bed. “You know, even if… Even if it doesn’t work, and Lex doesn’t make it-”

“She’s going to make it,” Ethan said seriously.

“If she doesn’t,” Tom repeated, “you’re still part of this family. You’ve got a mom, but we’re here for you too. Your position in the family isn’t based just on the fact that you’re Lex’s boyfriend. You’re here because you love Hannah, you’re here because I made a promise. You don’t have to go anywhere if Lex passes.”

Ethan was quiet and still, staring off into the distance until he sat down beside Tom.

“We need to talk about what happens if she dies,” Tom said quietly. “Not now, but-”

“If she dies, you’re gonna pay for the funeral, and we’ll all be there for Hannah so she doesn’t cry so much,” Ethan said.

Tom sighed. “Of course, but what about you?”

“What about me?”

“If we can’t cure the infected, I’m adopting you too. You’re gonna be my son or my son-in-law. I promise you that.”

Ethan laughed a bit and said, “Yeah okay.”

“And I’m sending you to fucking therapy,” Tom said, pointing at him.

“I don’t need therapy!”

“We all need therapy! I need all kinds of therapy! I got meds and everything!” Tom cried dramatically.

Ethan rolled his eyes. “Yeah yeah yeah, fine,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “... Honestly? I don’t know what I’m gonna do if she dies. I don’t know how I’m gonna get through that. I don’t know how you do it.”

Tom nodded. “It isn’t easy. I just keep getting up every day and keep going ‘cause I know that’s what Jane would want. Lex would want you to thrive. She’d want you to be there for Hannah, and for you to graduate and get a good job and be independent. She’d just want you to live.”

The pair was quiet for a moment before Ethan sighed and nodded. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I just… I miss her, so much. I miss her all the time.”

“That part doesn’t really go away, kid. I’m sorry. But, it does loosen up over time. It hurts less over time,” Tom said quietly.

\---

The health of the infected was just getting worse and worse. Everyone was still holding onto hope, as none of them knew what was going to happen, but… the first subject, Charlotte, was increasingly going downhill. The doctors told Xander they weren’t sure how much longer she’d last. Through the machine they could tell that they were beginning to get blood back through the system, which was a great sign, but…

But her vitals were tanking. She wasn’t waking up anymore, firmly situated in something akin to a coma as the machine continued to work. The third person who went in the machine was also not doing well, though he was supposedly mumbling about how he didn’t like musicals. That… might… be a good sign? Ms. Perkins didn’t seem to find it particularly noteworthy, but the doctors had told him about it anyway.

Xander, personally, didn’t mind musicals before the Apotheosis. He wasn’t a big fan of them, certainly. He didn’t have a Les Mis tumblr filled with posts about the rebel boys. But Xander did love music, and could appreciate a good song no matter where it came from. Since the Apotheosis, Xander hadn’t listened to music at all. He couldn’t stand it, not in the current situation, even though he normally loved it and used it to cope.

John had a beautiful voice. He’d sang in the choir at their college, and had sung for the jazz band. John would walk around the house humming to himself, or singing some old song. He loved jazz, he loved blues. The two of them would sit together in their living room listening to music, or with Xander listening as John sang to him, playing guitar. It hurt now, to hear that voice being used by the Hive.

“If might makes the man,  
I’d give you a hand,  
Because you're the only plan I need,” John sang.

“That barely makes sense, hon, try again,” Xander muttered.

It was annoying, but it also seemed like a last ditch effort by the Hive to lure Xander into releasing John. That wasn’t going to happen, obviously, but there was nothing Xander could do to make John stop, and there was no way he was leaving the room more than necessary after John told him he was scared. How could he leave him now, when John was somewhere inside that head that was currently serenading him?

When John said he was scared, Xander felt like something broke inside of him. His voice was so weak and terrified, and there was nothing Xander could do to fix it. John was never one to admit fear because he was rarely afraid. He spoke about every emotion he felt freely and without regret because he refused to fall into the stereotype of an emotionless soldier man, but fear was something John hardly ever mentioned. John was bold, he was brave. He felt fear, yes, but never was it a weakness. He always turned it into bravery and strength to press on.

If John felt so terrible and so scared that he would have that amount of weakness in his voice, there was nothing Xander could do but stay beside him. John needed him, even if the Hive was giving its last big attempt at breaking free. He was still in there, still terrified. Xander couldn’t leave him now, so instead he was focusing on his work and blocking out the song as much as possible.

“I believe in a higher power,  
Stronger than the worst dark matter,  
Stronger still than anything we can see!  
Love is that power,  
Love is my desire,  
Free me, love, and I’ll take you away!  
Away from fear, away from the bother,  
Away from the tears and pain,  
I’ll take you away, Xander, it’ll all be okay.”

“Did you just try to rhyme ‘Xander’ and ‘bother’ while breaking your rhyme scheme? Like, yeah they rhyme but you changed it from an ‘AABA’ scheme to an ‘ABCC’ scheme which makes no sense. You literally rhymed away with okay in the same line of the song, that’s not how rhyming works,” Xander said pointedly. “Honestly I expected more from a being that literally sings as a survival mechanism.”

The General stopped singing at that, looking at him with as much confusion as the feverish man’s still swollen eyes could muster.

“Yeah, I’m a theoretical physicist, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know shit about songs and poetry,” Xander said, rolling his eyes as he went back to work.

John didn’t sing again that night, which actually amused Xander to a degree. He couldn’t believe he’d managed to embarrass the Hive so much that they decided to stop singing. It wasn’t his fault, really! They should have done better! They had plenty of time to prepare the piece and that was what they came up with? Now, Xander wasn’t a singer, really. He could, if he wanted to, but he’d never been one to try and stand out. He didn’t know everything there was to know about music and song writing or poetry, but he was honestly a bit hurt they didn’t try harder. Was he not good enough for a better song? Of course he was, but fuck the Hive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are the objects described in Hannah's room:
> 
> https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/kura-bed-tent-with-curtain-gray-white-10332462/  
> https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/kura-reversible-bed-white-pine-80253814/  
> https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/upptag-duvet-cover-and-pillowcase-s-air-balloon-pattern-blue-70440312/  
> https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/upptag-cushion-light-blue-70457270/  
> https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/sanglaerka-curtains-with-tie-backs-1-pair-butterfly-white-blue-50427019/  
> https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/stuva-fritids-wardrobe-white-light-blue-s89276444/  
> https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/stuva-fritids-toy-box-with-wheels-white-light-blue-s99279588/  
> https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/stuva-fritids-bookcase-with-drawers-white-light-blue-s09252705/  
> https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/vimund-childs-desk-chair-light-pink-20424357/  
> https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/pahl-desk-with-add-on-unit-white-pink-s89128967/  
> https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/ikea-ps-loemsk-swivel-chair-white-red-10407136/  
> https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/upplyst-led-wall-lamp-cloud-white-40440832/


	15. The Punishment Won't Fit The Crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are going downhill it seems, but there is still hope. The infected are fighting back against the Hive, whether it is to their benefit or not. Tom comforts Emma. Paul finds himself trapped in the Black and White. John disobeys the Hive. Xander has an impossible request for Tom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter? Sad times. All of it. No happy times to be found here. Everyone is sad and scared. Hello beginning of the climax. No, I still do not know how many chapters there are going to be, I'm all the way to fifteen and I still have no clue. Whoops.

Charlotte's heart stopped at 2:15 am. The doctors had been expecting it, and had planned for when it happened, entering the room in hazmat suits to resuscitate her if they could. When her heart stopped, they sprang into action, or so Tom was told later by Becky, opening the pod so they could try and restart her heart. None of them knew if it was possible, but they were dead set on trying to save their patient.

And they did. Charlotte's heart began to beat once more, though she did not wake from her coma. While they were there, the doctors cleaned all the blue shit from inside the tube and off of her before closing it again. Her skin was pale, but was pink tinted once more as opposed to blue. The machine read that the blood entering it showed no sign of containing spores.

Hopeful, the doctors turned off the machine for a few hours and waited. It was around that time that Tom was notified of the happenings, and rushed to the research building. By the time he got there, they had turned the machine back on and were once again reading that she had no spore content in her blood.

"Why didn't you call me sooner?" Tom asked Becky as he sat down by Charlotte's bedside.

The doctors decided to turn off the machine once more and to take the top of the tube off, resulting in her laying on a weird bed rather than in a strange pod. She looked dead, but less dead than she had since the Apotheosis. It reminded him a bit of Snow White, which he and the kids had watched the night before. There was Charlotte, sleeping like the dead, freed from the glass tomb to be woken up by the kiss of a prince. Tom highly doubted any princes would be kissing her, but it was a good start.

"It was 2 am. You're raising three kids right now and you need your sleep," Becky said. "I was here with her the entire time, I never left her side. You know I care about her just as much as you do."

"What if they couldn't bring her back?" Tom asked.

"You wouldn't be able to get here in time to say goodbye even if I called you right away," she said with a sigh.

Becky was right in that regard. Tom rubbed his forehead and sighed, saying, "I know. I know you're right, I just…"

"You're worried, I understand. Did you have coffee yet this morning?" Becky asked,

"Nah, I got dressed as fast as I could and woke up Ethan before heading over, I didn't have time to make any," Tom said, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"FUCK!" the voice of a doctor shouted from down the hall.

"PAUL!" he heard Emma shout. There was an alarm of some sort going off and both Becky and Tom ran towards the sounds.

"He's coding," a doctor said to Becky as more doctors rushed into the rooms wearing their appropriate suits. She grabbed Emma and dragged her out of the room, handing her off to Tom before running off to grab her own gear to assist.

Tom immediately grabbed Emma and held onto her as she fought against him, trying to get back in the room. "You're gonna fuck up your leg if you keep this up," he warned, though he knew she wasn't listening.

"Paul!" Emma cried desperately, still fighting in an attempt to get back to him.

He sighed and picked her up, holding her tightly to him as he leaned against the wall, staying out of everyone's way. "It's gonna be okay, Emma, they'll get him back. It's a good sign, calm down."

Emma finally stopped wrestling him and instead began to cling tightly to his shirt as he sat down against the wall. The pair listened in silence as the doctors and nurses worked to try and restart Paul's heart. It was agonizing, truly agonizing, but they listened and they waited, praying to whatever God might exist that Paul would be okay.

The sound of the heart monitor beeping methodically was like a gift from God herself. Both of them slumped with relief as the doctors breathed a sigh of relief, though they remained in their position, still wanting to stay out of the way. They watched as the doctors in hazmat suits left the room with containers containing cloths used to clean up the blue shit, they waited as things slowly began to calm down. 

"You can go in and see him now," Becky said as she approached them. "For the next five hours he's going to be off the machine, then at noon they'll turn it back on and see if he's still clean. At that point, if he is, the top of the pod will be removed and you'll be able to touch him."

"Thanks, Becky," Tom said as he helped Emma up and back to Paul's room. It was too soon, he shouldn't be that far along yet, and yet, there they were, waiting to see if this whole thing would work.

\---

The place he found himself in was strange to say the least, and he wondered if he was truly dead this time. Everything around him was black, complete darkness, until there were flashes of white and whispers of words that sounded more like thoughts or feelings than statements made by mouth. Maybe that was death. It was fine if it was, really! Paul wasn't going to complain!

His mind was his own for the first time in a long time, and that was all he really needed. There were no more orders, no more shared thoughts. His mind was purely his own in a way he had never thought to appreciate in life. Sure, he didn't necessarily _want_ to be dead, but if death was what it took to be free from the Hive, it was worth it.

As soon as his body began to fight the infection, Paul found himself a foothold in the struggle for control and began to push against the Hive's control over him. They hadn't been too happy about it, screaming at him to stop, screaming that he was vital. Paul didn't care. They could scream and scream and scream for years and he wouldn't back down to them, he wouldn't kneel and accept defeat. He'd fought against them the entire time, desperate for his freedom, but it wasn't until his body began to work with him that he actually got anywhere. When he died, he was finally freed, in probably the strangest way he could imagine, leading to his current location.

Then more weird things happen that he couldn't necessarily put into words. It felt like he was called back to… wherever, being pulled by his very soul to return to where it came from, but it was like he ran face first into a wall when he tried to go. The metaphorical wall, because nothing in this place was solid and real it seemed, shone with the sickening blue of the Hive, and Paul got the sinking feeling in his gut that escape wasn't going to be that easy.

The Hive had broken his mind, broken all of them, and pushed their soul, the parts of them that were purely them, out of the way so that they could control their bodies and minds. Death didn't break that blockade the Hive had created to contain them, but it did give them back the power of control over themselves as the Hive no longer had any power over them. He was stuck, Paul concluded, in this place between places, this place of Black and White, with no idea how to free himself.

\---

John now found himself floating in and out of consciousness with little understanding of the difference between the two. His body was exhausted after a week of severe illness, with his temperature so high it would kill him in normal circumstances. He knew the Hive had been using him in those moments of weakness to torment Xander, but there was little he could do about it. After a few days, his body had become too tired for even that.

There was only so much more his body could take before it gave up, and he didn't want to know what would happen if the Hive decided to punish him again. He had too much of the infection left in him for his body to function properly on its own. If he couldn't handle the strain of the punishment, he could very well die.

That said, John felt through his connection to the Hive that two bodies were freed, and his connection to the Black and White told him their minds were trapped there by the blockade that the Hive created. This was John, the real John, the tiny bit of him that couldn't be destroyed or taken out, the bit that had never stopped fighting.

He knew that they needed someone skilled with the mental side of the black and white to be able to free those minds and destroy the walls closing them in so that they could return. He knew that one specific person was the lynchpin, that if they freed him they'd free all of them, once their bodies were also free. John knew he was the only one aware of any of that information as well. Knowing it also didn't give him the ability to break the chains himself, due to the fact that he was still a part of the system.

There was only one thing he could do: explain it to Xander as best as possible before the Hive punishes him. If his body and the majority of his mind weren't boiling the infection out of him, the job would be easier, but as it was he could barely tell what was real and what was a dream due to the fever. This made everything more complicated as John struggled to hold together his thoughts enough to decide what to say.

He forced himself to sit up and put his hand on the glass. "Xander," John mumbled, struggling to get the words out due to the liquid in his lungs.

Xander looked startled and quickly turned to look at him. "Hey, honey. How are you feeling?" he asked in a soothing tone.

There was nothing John wanted more than to have his husband run his hands through his hair and sooth him to sleep, but he had more important things to do. If this information didn't get out, the infected wouldn't be able to wake up after the treatment. It was vital that John explained.

It would be much easier to explain if his head would stop swirling.

"Paul. Paul Matthews. He's the warrior of light. Free the warrior from the Black and White, wake the infected from their slumber," John ordered as he wheezed.

Good. That was good. Even if that was the last thing he ever did, it would be one last good deed. John barely had time to think that thought as pain filled his mind once more. Distantly he heard his husband call his name as everything went black.

\---

"Shit! John!" Xander exclaimed as his husband went from semi-lucid to seizing inside the tube as he choked on the blue shit forcing itself from his throat. "HELP! I NEED HELP!"

Doctors, already exhausted from the ordeals that happened that morning, rushed into the room and sprang into action. Someone began pulling him out of the room, but he pushed them away, terrified of leaving his husband alone in that state. Suddenly someone much bigger picked him up from behind and dragged him out of the room, no matter how hard Xander fought to stay by his husband's side.

He wasn't crying. He wasn't sobbing. No, Xander was screaming. What else could he do? His husband was seizing and potentially dying in that room and he couldn't be there for him. His head was shoved against a plaid chest and a hand held onto the back of his head as big arms held him tightly. Tom? Xander thought it might be Tom. That calmed him some, and his screaming turned into sobs, which turned into crying as Tom continued to hold him tightly.

"I can't lose him. I can't lose him again. I almost had him, I can't lose him again," he heard himself say through his tears.

"I know, I know, Xander," Tom said back quietly.

By the time Xander calmed down, Schaeffer had arrived and was standing behind Xander so he wouldn't be able to immediately reenter the room or see inside. "Sir, they managed to stabilize General McNamara for the time being," she said in her strongest professional voice. It was the voice she used when shit hit the fan, the voice she used to give people ground to stand on as a source of stability.

Xander took a deep breath and nodded. "Before-" he had to pause again so he wouldn't break into tears once more. "Before it happened, he said the name Paul Matthews. Said he was the warrior of light for this apocalypse, basically, that he's trapped in the Black and White and that we need to free him for any of them to wake up. If," he paused once more to take a breath.

"If we can trust what he said given his feverish state, which I am inclined to do given the fact that-" Xander was trying. He really was, but this wasn't exactly easy. "I think it was another punishment from the Hive. His-... his body probably couldn't handle it. If he wasn't telling the correct truth, they wouldn't have done that," Xander concluded.

"Alright, Agent Lee, how do we free the warrior's mind from the Black and White? Do we know where Paul Matthews is?" she asked, calling him by his title to put him into a work state of mind. If he could think of this like a mission and not John's life, it would make this much easier.

"Paul Matthews is Emma's guy. He's the man who coded around 7 am," Tom said. He also had a military voice on, and it reminded Xander that Tom was in fact a veteran.

"Alright, that solves one part of the problem. What about the first question? How do we free him?" Schaeffer asked.

Xander took a deep breath and forced himself into his agent state of mind. Grief could wait. This couldn't. "We need someone who can interact with the Black and White, but John can't..." Xander paused and looked over at Tom. "Hannah."

"No," Tom said quickly.

"She's the only one we know of that can interact with the Black and White."

"You said she can't touch it!"

"She doesn't need to touch it, she needs to do what she's good at, the mental stuff. She can hear through the Black and White, she can see into it. She's basically Jean Gray without the telekinesis. She can go into it mentally, like she does when she talks to Webby, and with any luck she'll be able to free him," Xander tried to explain.

"... Is it dangerous?" Tom asked quietly.

Xander thought about the question. The thing that was keeping them trapped in the Black and White was the Hive itself. To free the infected, she would have to break through the Hive's defenses. She was an untrained nine year old with so much psychic power she was practically overflowing. The Hive broke John, a well trained thirty five year old who knew how to protect himself. Hannah was going to be alone against it with no training, a child against a force that had taken over countless planets.

"More than you can imagine," Xander settled on. "I'm sorry."

"I can't- I can't sacrifice my daughter when we don't even know if it'll work!" Tom cried.

"She's the only chance we have of freeing everyone," Schaeffer said.

"She only needs to free Paul. He doesn't have the infection inside him anymore, his mind's just trapped behind the barriers the Hive created to keep him in. She needs to break those and they'll all be able to get out," Xander explained.

"Probably," Schaefer added.

"Probably," Tom repeated. "She's nine! She may be super strong in the Force but she's nine! She doesn't stand a chance! Find someone else!"

"She's the only chance we have, Tom. There is no one else," Xander said, his voice low in desperation.

Tom sighed and rubbed his face. "I can't do this. I just got her, I'm not losing her to the Hive."

"She is the most powerful seer I have ever known. If anyone can do it, it's her. I hate to do this, if there were any other options I would immediately choose them, but she's the only person PEIP is currently aware of with these powers that isn't infected. If John-" Xander couldn't continue the statement.

"If General McNamara were capable, he would have done it in a heartbeat. He wouldn't allow us to use a child. But he gave us his orders, he told us how to fix this, and your daughter is the only one able to do it. John is in there dying because of the Hive, and there's nothing anyone can do but wait. There is one thing we _can_ do, and that's free Paul Matthews from the infection. I can't tell you if Hannah will be successful, there's no way anyone can guarantee that, but I think we owe her the right to choose," Schaeffer said calmly.

"If something happens to her I swear to God I'm destroying this place with everyone inside," Tom warned.

"Perfectly acceptable," Schaeffer agreed.

"Alright… okay. I'll ask her, but if she says no, that means no," Tom said, looking as though he hated himself for relenting.

"Of course, Tom. We can't force her to do it anyway," Xander replied, personally feeling as though he signed a deal with the devil and damned a child.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all probably hate me at least a little bit. Do not fear, I know where this is going, just not how long it will take it get there. You've made it to the climax of the story! Now you just have to wait to get to the resolution!


	16. Inevitable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander struggles with his morality as he thinks about everything that has happened and what was to come. Hannah goes into the Black and White and has a fist fight with a Hive Mind. Paul and Hannah have a chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is late! I had two days to move out of my dorm because of course I did, and that left me too exhausted and sick to write. I hope this chapter makes up for it!
> 
> I hope you all are doing well and that this fic and bring some happiness in these trying times. I've been trying really hard to get a chapter out a day, but it wasn't possible yesterday and I'm sorry! Keep on keeping on.

Xander watched his husband’s sleeping face and wondered how much more of his heart there was to break. John’s body was trying its best to hold on after the seizure, but his vitals had been consistently weaker than the others ahead of him. For over a week and a half, the air had been filled with the sound of wheezing as John attempted to breathe through the liquid in his lungs, occasionally broken up by a coughing fit. John looked exhausted, with blue shit all over the top half of his body. And his beard. He hadn’t exactly been grooming himself over the last six and a half weeks, but his hair was still growing, resulting in matted sections on his face where the shit had dried.

Xander knew that the Hive had taken parts of John’s memory and probably personality in order to retain his loyalty, John told him that the day after the Apotheosis. He was now left wondering if that part of him that refused to back down, refused to let the darkness consume him, had been stolen as well after what happened a few days prior. If John never remembered the past that they shared, Xander would accept it. They didn’t need the past when they could work together to create their shared future. If John didn’t have the parts of him that made him who he was anymore, he was better off dead.

He knew that, Xander knew that. He knew John would never want to be left as an eternal shell of himself, and he had no idea what to do with that information given the current situation. Xander wondered if trying to cure him in the first place was selfish when he knew how much suffering the Hive had put John through, but it was too late to turn back, wasn’t it? The alternative was permanent death. Could he consign his husband to that knowing that there was a possible cure?

No, of course he couldn’t. That was why he decided to put John in the machine in the first place. Seeing him there now, in pain, suffering from his body fighting itself, Xander decided that this was what hell was. He even wondered if he had actually died the day of the Apotheosis and that all of this was just hell’s way of tormenting him. First it was him standing there, so still for three weeks, then it was the singing, now this. Now this. And if the other infected patients were anything to go off of, it was only going to get worse.

Would it be selfish to see if Hannah could free the parts of John that were taken? Would it be wrong? Xander thought it was. He’d be risking a nine year old’s mind and life for his husband’s sanity, and Xander knew John would never allow that. What other choice did he have? No, he had another choice, and that was the choice he was going with. Asking her to break the barrier and free the infected was one thing, but if the Hive held John's stolen parts deep within it, she would have to fight the Hive head on. Xander couldn't ask that of her, it was already too dangerous for a child.

For the thousandth time since the Apotheosis, Xander wished John was there to give him advice, to give him a suggestion as to what to do. That wasn’t going to happen though, Xander was on his own.

Some part of him honestly wished John had just died that day, to save them both from this. He wished his husband’s soul could be free, but his own, that he could be at peace. That wasn’t going to happen though, was it? Was it? Xander didn’t know what he wanted, truly. He wanted his husband. He wanted their suffering to end. He wanted John to be okay. He wanted all of their hardships to go away, leave them alone.

“Fuck, John,” Xander whispered, tears spilling from his eyes not for the first time that day. He'd never cried as much in his entire life as he had in the last few days. He was waiting for his heart to stop, knowing that if it stopped so soon his husband wouldn't be cured, just dead. He was waiting for the worst news in his life every moment.

John didn't stir. He hadn't moved, hadn't woken since the seizure. His body was so weak. There were still days until he was expected to be clean, could he really make it that long? No one knew. Every passing moment felt like a lifetime to wait, and there was nothing that could be done to fix it. They were prisoners in the game of chance and and the only move they could make on the board was the steady stepping forward of time.

Getting Hannah ready to do the job had taken longer than they'd expected, purely because things kept coming up. She had a big test on Monday she had to take, and then something broke in the cooling system in the research building and Tom had to spend two days working on that. Tom wouldn't let Hannah fight the Hive unless he was there, so they waited.

It was the day she was set to go in and try to free Paul. This was a risk they had to take or they would have to incinerate the majority if Hatchetfield. They were already dead, sure the machine brought them back but if they never woke up, were they really alive? The only way forward was to send in Hannah, no matter how terrible of an idea that was. Xander thought it was very possible that she could win, given her strength, but he doubted she wouldn't be traumatized afterwards.

Xander had been working for PEIP for years, but if there was one thing that never got easier to deal with during these situations was children. They saw too much at far too early an age. He knew through John how traumatizing these things could be for a child her age. John's parents had been killed in a moderate level apocalyptic level event where, due to his power, he was the only one he knew of that was immune to the thrall of the threat. 

After that, a member of the PEIP named Colonel Wilbur Cross took John in and taught him how to use his power. He grew up in the base, and Cross had made him a toy box that was kept at the command center but ended up moving around over the years. John never had them gotten rid of because it was one of the only things he had left of his father figure. Xander could still remember the first and last time he'd met Wilber, who had sacrificed himself to save the world right after they graduated college.

John would talk about how terrifying the event was when he was a kid, how strange it was growing up on base. He'd turned out fine, obviously, but John knew first hand how terrible that sort of thing was for a kid. Xander had never experienced anything like that, he could only sympathize, and sympathize he did. Hannah was going through a lot without them throwing her inside the beast, now what would happen?

Xander tried to be a good man, he tried to live a moral life that his husband would be proud of. It didn't come quite as easy for him as it did for John, but he never wanted to do something that would seriously harm someone. There were no right answers in the situation. Either he let the nine year old traumatize herself, or he incinerated the majority of the population of a small town. His small town. Their small town. It was impossible.

\---

When Tom came to her, saying he had a big question to ask, Hannah was a bit frightened. That phrasing made her nervous that perhaps he'd changed his mind and didn't want her anymore. She was quite relieved to find out that all he wanted to know was if she was willing to try and break Emma's boyfriend out of the Hive or something.

Of course she was willing! The only problem was that she had a math test on Monday and needed to study for it because math was hard. Webby wouldn't help her during the test either, which meant she was on her own trying to understand this graph stuff. Well, Tom helped as best as he could, sitting with her and Tim and explaining things to them both, but he would not be there during the test, which was unfortunate.

Then, Tom had work stuff to do and that postponed the whole thing even longer. Now, three days later, she was sitting in a chair next to the Paul guy, feeling a bit frightened once more but for a different reason entirely. She knew she was going to have to fight the Hive to a degree in order to free Paul from them entirely. They had him trapped somewhere she couldn't get to without breaking in, and the idea of trying to fight the Hive Mind was quite scary.

Hannah knew she would be fine, she had her guardian angel watching over her, and she knew she was quite strong. That didn't mean that it wasn't intimidating to know that the Hive had done terrible things to people much older than her though. If they could get Xander's husband, why couldn't they get her? They didn't have spores to take over her body though, she knew. They could only hurt her mind, which was her strongest part. She would be fine, she just needed some time.

"Are you ready, Hannah?" Tom asked, squeezing her hand.

Hannah squeezed back and closed her eyes, turning her mind to the Black and White. Entering it like that was like flipping upside down from a world of color into one of darkness and light, resulting in her consciousness falling from one to the other. She 'landed' in the Black and White with no problems, as she had many times before that and looked around. By sitting near Paul and focusing on his location, she'd found him easily enough, or at least where he should be.

That was how she came to be standing face to face with a giant translucent blue wall made of some sticky substance. Through the wall, she could almost see the shape of someone, but the wall distorted everything, resulting in her feeling uncertain. She didn't necessarily want to touch the wall, even though it wasn't real and this was all happening in a mental place. Hannah had never disliked slime before, but this looked like the blue stuff from inside the infected, and she didn't want to play with that.

"Prophet, do not be afraid," Webby said from around her.

"Webby!" Hannah said with a small smile.

"Break the seal, outmatch the Hive, wake the warrior. I am here," she said warmly.

Hannah nodded and turned back to the wall. It wasn't all that scary anyway, was it? Just a weird wall of blue shit, no big deal. Not knowing what else to do, she began to try and push against the wall in an attempt to break it, but the wall didn't break under her pressure. Instead, it became less of a solid and more of a liquid, causing her hands to go inside it. Hannah tried to pull her hands free, but tendrils of the blue stuff began to push and wrap around her arms. Startled, she screamed and tried to pull away even more, but the blue shit just kept pulling her in. Hannah felt Webby's tie to her around her heart tighten as she was pulled inside the Hive.

\---

Tom squeezed his new daughter's hand once more as her expression turned to one of fear. What else could he do? He was out of his depth, watching how her eyes rolled back and glowed white. There was nothing in the parenting books to help him in this situation. None of them discussed what to do if your children had psychic powers at all. He was left clueless but trying his best.

"How's she doing?" Emma asked quietly as she sat on the other side of Paul.

"She's scared," Ethan said from his position against the wall.

He hadn't been smoking as much, Tom knew, because of Tim's asthma, but now he smelled strongly of cigarettes and frankly Tom couldn't blame him. After everything the kid had done to protect his girlfriend's kid sister, she was doing this crazy task on her own. Tom himself could use a drink, and he had a feeling Emma could too. It was too early for drinking though, and he wanted to be clear headed for Hannah's sake.

"I hate this. I hope you know I hate this just as much as you," Tom said as he looked over at Ethan.

"I know," Ethan replied in almost a whisper.

\---

_Join us. Join us, Hannah._

_You'll never have to worry again, Hannah._

_You'll never have to be scared again, Hannah._

_We love you. We want you. You'll never be a burden to us._

_Join us and die._

Hannah felt like she was deep underwater and holding her breath or else she would drown. The whispers and promises were all around her, threatening to consume her. She could feel how it hungered to tear her apart and eat every piece of her mind until nothing was left. Still, the draw to allow it to happen was there, a small seed inside her inner mind trying to take over.

She struggled to move her arms and legs through the substance even though nothing about the situation was physical, finding it as difficult as moving through molasses. Whispers filled her entirely, pushing her to surrender and join the Hive, and she could feel her resistance crumbling as she lost her way forward. Up was down, left was right, it wasn't clear how she could escape. Webby's tie to her was trying desperately to pull her free, but the blue was too thick and there was nothing that could be done.

As she felt herself losing her grip, she felt hands grab her by her face, pulling her eyes towards. Lex. She was somewhere between being part of the blue and being on the other side of it, and she had her hands on Hannah's cheeks. Hannah struggled to understand what her sister was saying as she struggled to find mental footing against the onslaught from the Hive, using Lex as grounding.

_Blow. This. Shit. Up._

Of course that was what Lex was saying, what else? In her confusion, she'd forgotten her objective. She wasn't there to drown, she was there to kick ass, just like her big sister! Hannah closed her eyes and ignored the Hive. They weren't a force to worry about, they were an obstacle between her and getting her sister back.

_You have no hold on me. You have no hold on anyone. Your need to control everything only makes you weak. You're a coward, Hive, and frankly your songs aren't that great anyway._

As she concluded that thought, the blue around her exploded with force coming from within her. Nothing could hurt her in the Black and White unless she allowed it, and she sure as hell wasn't going to let the Hive take her. The explosion caused by her power blew up the wall separating the minds of the infection from their bodies, and seemed to continue far beyond what Hannah could see. Good. If she hurt the Hive itself, it deserved it.

Hannah 'landed' on the ground near a man who looked like the guy inside the tube. Unlike him though, he had a full suit on and was clean shaven, his hair a bit shorter and just all around more put together than the comatose man she'd seen. "Hi," Hannah said. It was easier to talk in the Black and White, since it wasn't actually talking, just thinking.

"Hi. Where are we?" he asked. "Is this hell?"

She shook her head. "This is just the plane of existence outside of our own. It's a mental place, so we aren't really here, we're in Hatchetfield."

"This doesn't look like Hatchetfield," the man commented. "Did you just destroy the wall?"

Hannah nodded.

"So I can go back now? How… How do I do that? Why am I asking a kid that, why would she know? Why am I saying all of this-"

"This is a mental place. You are your mind, your soul. Your thoughts are your words," she said with a giggle. "You have to choose to go back, just decide you'd rather keep living than being here, and you'll be able to travel back. You probably won't be able to come here again though."

"I just… decide? I decide that I'd rather be in the real world than here?"

She nodded. "Emma will be very happy to see you. She's been waiting for weeks and weeks now."

"Emma? She's waiting for me?" Paul asked, and suddenly Hannah found herself alone.

Hannah closed her eyes and concentrated on returning to her body, once again flipping right side up into the world of color. When she blinked and opened her eyes, she found Tom kneeling in front of her nervously. She gave him a smile and hugged him, relieved to be safe and herself.

Past Tom, Hannah heard a gasp. "Paul, are you awake?" Emma asked, nervously looking down at the man on the bed. The man groaned and mumbled something, but he was clearly no longer comatose.

"You did it! You did it, Hannah!" Tom exclaimed as he hugged her tightly.

"Lex helped," Hannah explained.

She didn't have the words to explain how Lex was almost free of the Hive, how she'd grounded her through the onslaught and saved her. They didn't need to know all that anyway. Lex would remember, Hannah would too. Maybe Lex would explain one day, maybe not. Either way, she freed the warrior from his sleep and the others would soon follow. Hannah thought she'd done a pretty good job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The section in the Black and White is topsy turvy on purpose and I need to emphasize that none of was physically happening.


	17. Death Isn't Optional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lex and John have both reached week four, and their loved ones are left waiting to see if their bodies can handle the strain of the process. Tom hugs Ethan. Xander dissociates. John is a badass. Lex just frankly has no idea what's going on and wants to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moment of truth! The moment of fate! Woo! Recovery starts after this chapter. I hope you enjoy the end of the climax and look forward to the resolution as much as I do.

Everything was going well, kind of. Well, as okay as it could be going when people were still dealing with the consequences of an almost apocalypse. It seemed as though people woke up from the coma at their own pace, with Charlotte just beginning to stir a few days prior, and Paul waking up immediately. Not everyone woke though, with four of the original ten people placed in the machine passing when their heart stopped. That of course did not count the second person who had died early on in the process.

It was four weeks since Lex had been put in the machine, and they were all waiting for her heart to stop. After what Hannah had done a few days prior, they didn't want to put anymore stress on her, so Emma was keeping her and Tim in Paul's room while he and Ethan sat by Lex's bedside. Hannah had wanted to sit with them, but it wasn't difficult to convince her that she didn't want to watch it happen.

The doctors weren't sure whether she or Xander's husband would need resuscitation first, so they had been standing guard in the hallway, prepared to run into either room. Ethan looked exhausted, and Tom couldn't blame him. None of them had slept well in days and the family had arrived at the hospital early in the morning. There was no telling when it would happen, only that it would happen, and they didn't want her to be alone when it did.

Neither of them spoke, unsure what to say and afraid to find themselves cut off by the sound of the heart monitor. It was uncomfortable and nerve wracking, but what else were they to do but listen to the quiet beeping of the machine? They were waiting for the worst thing imaginable, they were waiting for her heart to stop. What else could they do?

"Tom, coffee," Becky said quietly as she walked in and handed him the beverage.

"Thanks," he replied in a similar tone, sipping on it.

Becky pulled a chair over to sit beside him. "I know how worried you are, I know how much you care. All we can do right now is hope. I'm sure she'll be happy to know you both were at her side through this."

Ethan just nodded, looking jittery and exhausted. Poor kid refused to leave her side to take a smoke break all morning in fear of her passing while he was gone. Tom had never been a smoker, but he knew it wasn't easy to go without something your body craved. He didn't want Ethan smoking but given the situation, he didn't blame him.

Lex had been sewn back together, though her clothes were still torn and stained from the dried blue blood that came out of her stomach. Her hair was a knotted mess and mats created by the dried blue shit she'd thrown up over the last two weeks. Her skin was deathly pale and her body seemed to struggle to breathe every labored breath. If Tom were the smoking type, the image would drive him to pick up a cigarette even without a baseline level of nicotine in his system.

Tom could imagine mornings in the future, getting the kids up for breakfast and Lex driving them to school. He could imagine helping her with homework and arguing with her about house rules and asking her for the hundredth time to do some chore. When they were picking out furniture for the girls, Tom insisted in buying her a vanity and a full length mirror. It confused Ethan and Emma, who said that just because she was a teenage girl it didn't mean she was into makeup and everything.

But they didn't get it. She wanted to be an actress, right? Actresses needed to know how to do makeup right, for auditions, so she'd need a vanity to practice in her room, away from the kids. Plus, to get better at acting people talk to mirrors, right? She needed a big mirror to practice expressions and motions and stuff. Tom didn't really get it, but he wanted to support her, even before she knew he'd adopted her. If he lost her before he even got to have her? It would break his heart.

That was nothing compared to what Ethan and Hannah were going through. Ethan had watched Lex die, he saw it happen and protected Hannah from seeing it as best as he could. She was his girlfriend, his first real love. Not only had he pushed through his grief, he'd also protected her kid sister from everything that was happening. Tom admired how strong the kid was to be able to get through all this. He really had to love Lex if he was willing to go through all this for her. 

A piercing sound rang through the air as Lex's heart stopped. Tom quickly grabbed Ethan and dragged him out of the room before the kid could react, allowing the doctors inside. He held Ethan's arms tightly to his body as the other seemed to struggle to decide what to do, whether to fight him to get back to her or not. In the end, Ethan slumped in his hold as they listened to the doctors work inside the room.

"I can't- I can't lose her, Tom, I can't," Ethan whimpered into his chest.

Tom nodded and continued to hold him tightly. "I don't want to lose her either, not before I get a chance to know her."

They didn't have a choice in that though. The only people with any power in the situation were the doctors and Lex herself. She could choose to fight, choose to live, or she could find herself too tired to continue. There was nothing that the people who loved her could do. There was nothing anyone could do but hope and pray that she came through.

A few minutes passed as the pair stood quietly in the hallway before finally, finally, a reassuring sound filled the air: a solid tempo coming from the heart moniker. The directors cheered and set to work cleaning her up, though neither man dared look inside until they were done. Neither of them wanted to accidentally see her being changed into her hospital gown.

When Becky returned to them, she handed Tom back his coffee. "You both know the drill at this point, nothing has changed. She probably won't wake up today, but she should wake up," she said, looking just as relieved as the two of them.

"Ethan, do you want to go tell the others that she made it and then take a smoke break? I'll be right here with her until you get back," Tom suggested putting his free hand on the boy's shoulder.

Ethan nodded, though he looked so relieved he could collapse. "I'll go tell them and be back as soon as I can be," he agreed. Ethan nodded goodbye to them both and headed down the hall to tell the good news.

Tom took a sip of his coffee and sat back down in the room, glad to see that some prayers were answered, at least when it was for such a good cause. They weren't sure if everyone who made it to that point would wake up, but so far they had, even Charlotte. She had a good chance at making it now, and they could really begin to start planning for the future.

\---

Xander heard Lex's heart stop down the hallway from John's room, but didn't step outside to see the fuss. He knew what was happening, after all, and would only be in the way. From what he could hear, it turned out alright. Good. She was the youngest they'd tried the treatment on and none of them wanted to lose a kid.

He wasn't working on anything. His desk and chair had been removed in preparation for the fight to restart John's heart, and no one doubted that it would indeed be a fight. The fact that he'd lasted as long as he had was a shock to everyone involved, given the fact that they'd estimated that he'd pass in the days leading up to the present one. John was always a stubborn bastard though, so Xander wasn't too surprised that he'd managed to outlast even the healthy teen.

It wasn't stress Xander felt in that moment, not fear. After a week of feeling that panic near constantly, the inevitable just seemed like another day. His body was so exhausted from the worrying that he simply wasn't feeling it anymore. It left him feeling almost hollow as he watched his husband and waited. There was grief, of course, but he was so tired, he was so ready for this to be over. Either his husband was going to live or he wasn't.

Xander was tired, emotionally, physically, mentally. His soul was tired. There's an exhaustion you feel deep in your soul when you watch someone you love slowly dying before your eyes and there is nothing you can do to stop it. It's a terrible and heavy acceptance of what was to come, after you've spent far too long worrying about it. There was nothing he could do, so he waited, sitting on his cot with his back against the wall so that when everything happened he wouldn't be in the way.

He could hear the doctors hovering right outside the door. It would be any minute now, any moment now. John's heart would stop and they would rush in. What happened next was anyone's guess. Xander didn't want to guess. He'd run every possible scenario through his head countless times as he tried to find an answer. He'd done every math problem he could think of in order to predict what would happen. In the end, he had to give up. There was no guessing, only waiting.

John's body was so weak after the seizure that it didn't bode well for his recovery. They all knew that. None of them discussed it, at least not with Xander. Nobody wanted to talk about it with him, no one wanted to be the one to say it was likely his husband was going to die. They were all cowards. Xander knew. He was a genius, he knew what the stakes were. No one wanted to say the obvious though, didn't want to bring it up.

Any moment now his husband was going to die there in front of him, not from a fight or in a blaze of glory as he'd always hoped, but filthy and weak in a tube under the watchful eye of Xander. John would hate for this to be his end, he would refuse it. People usually didn't get to decide when they lived and when they died and Xander prayed to every God in the multiverse that this one time could be an exception.

John's heart stopped. The doctors rushed in. The top of the tube was removed. They began to attempt resuscitation. Someone tried to pull him out of the room, but he remained where he sat. John's body jolted slightly with each shock looking far too limp to be him, to be John. Minutes passed. Someone was trying to talk to him, but he didn't even look at them. They weren't important right now, leaving wasn't important right now. John was important. John was dying. John was dead.

The heart monitor began beeping in a regular but weak way as John's body began to try and keep itself alive. Though it no longer had blue shit in his lungs, they were still damaged from what happened, resulting in him having a difficult time getting enough air. The doctors were cleaning him up and changing his clothes and they put an air mask on his face so that it would be easier for him to breathe.

Relief didn't register for Xander. As soon as the monitor alerted everyone that John's heart had stopped, Xander stopped really being in the moment. He saw what was happening but wasn't really there. It was like watching a film or remembering something from long ago. Everything was far away and he wasn't there. Watching John's heart restarting didn't snap him out of it. Neither did watching them clean John up afterwards. Nothing was really real, really there. He was off somewhere else, not in the room at all.

His head was gently guided to rest on someone's chest, and he allowed that to happen. Xander couldn't see John like that, but he could hear the steady beat of his heart and that was enough. He didn't have the strength in that moment to fight against the woman holding him. If he was any more present, he would have noticed her uniform and known her identity, or even just recognized Schaeffer as the person sitting beside him and rocking him. Xander wasn't there though, he was a ways away and barely registered her movements.

The doctors left the room and then it was just the beeping sound and her humming quietly as she rocked him. Xander was slightly more aware now that it was quieter, that the moment had passed. He understood it was Schaeffer who was holding him and rocking him though he didn't remember when she got there. Xander didn't question it, how could he. All that mattered was that John was okay, and that his friend was there beside him.

It took a few hours before Xander fully woke back up, but Schaeffer stayed with him the entire time, making him eat, making him drink. She sat with him as he mumbled things he didn't remember, and stroked his hair when he leaned against her once more. Xander had never seen her let herself seem this sensitive and attached in public before, but he was eternally grateful for her presence.

\---

John was in the Black and White. That was obvious. He'd been there before, he recognized it easily enough. Where else would he be after finally breaking away from the Hive? Mentally, he was pushed somewhere beyond their scope of reach, where they pushed things to keep them away forever, but humans were a strange species. PEIP had never found another species in the universe that was as attune to the Black and White as humans.

From those who swear they saw a ghost to those with abilities such as his own, humans and the Black and White were connected. That was what drew all those threats to Earth in the first place. Anyone who wanted access to the multiverse needed to go through Earth, and that was only one part of what PEIP did to protect the Earth. Not everyone wanted the Black and White, after all, some of them were just jerks.

There, in the Black and White, he recognized the remnants of an explosion, leaving blue bits scattered everywhere. Good. He didn't know how Xander had managed it, but by God he'd gotten the job done. From what John could see, the Hive was suffering from the attack, having never expected an attack on a front they couldn't innately interact with. They could put up a barrier to keep souls and minds inside the Black and White, but they couldn't do anything else to it, not without a human who was connected to it.

John followed the path of destruction towards where the Hive was licking its wounds. He had to retrieve something they'd stolen from him, quite a few things actually, and he wasn't going anywhere until he got them back. Upon finding it he saw what looked like a beating, glowing blue brain with veins stretching away from it in all directions, including the one he came from. The Hive was unaware of him because they had no way of being aware of him, and he used that to his advantage, walking right up to the core of the Hive Mind and shoving his hand inside. The Hive Mind was telepathic, that meant it was in the Black and White, defenseless when someone knew what they were doing.

Under his touch, he could hear the Hive screaming, desperate to fight back but unable to do so. John thought about what he sought until he found it within the Hive mind and took it back. That done, he stood up once more, one arm now covered in the metaphorical blue blood that spilled from the hole he'd created. That wasn't good enough. The Hive could come back, try again. John couldn't let that happen. He thought hard, thinking about his love for his husband and his love for his planet, fashioning it into a weapon in his hand.

"You never should have come to Earth," John said as he stabbed down into the hole he'd created.

Around him, all of the veins of the Hive's influence erupted, blasting blue shit in all directions as the Hive Mind itself impeded. Soon, John stood alone, surrounded by the remnants of what used to be an incredibly powerful enemy. Nothing was allowed to hurt his planet, no one was allowed to cause this much pain. Very rarely did John regret killing something on the job, and this was not one of those times.

"Did you just… kill it? Is it dead?" a young voice asked from behind him.

John turned to see a teen curled with her knees to her chest and her hood up. The poor girl. She didn't deserve to go through this. "I did. My name is General John McNamara of the United States Army. It took me a bit longer to get rid of the threat than I had hoped, but now the planet is safe once more. Tell me, what is your name?" He could of course find out without asking. They were all minds there, he could find the information easily. Asking her would put her more at ease though, so he went with that.

"Lex. Lex Foster. Where are we?" Lex asked, looking up at him. She couldn't be older than eighteen, judging by her clothing and the youth clearly displayed on her face. It saddened John to know that people even younger than Ms. Forster also got dragged into this.

"It's called the Black and White. It's the psychic plane between realities, and we have found ourselves here now as a result of the Hive's actions. Never fear, though, it is not impossible to return to our bodies once more. Tell me, Lex, is there anyone you truly love? Anyone you exit to return to more than anything?" John asked. A normal mind would slip back into their body due to the pull it would feel. This girl was obviously special, like himself. He would need to guide her home.

"Yeah, my little sister, Hannah, and my boyfriend," Lex said, finally standing up. "I remember them watching me, they were there by my side while I was being controlled by that _thing_. Then Hannah was here, trapped inside the thing and I tried to help. I didn't know what to do, and then it blew up and I ended up over here?"

John nodded, taking in the information even though he didn't fully understand it. Obviously her sister, Hannah, also had powers. She must have been the one to free the warrior. To think a girl younger than Lex had to fight the Hive on her own made John sick, but when there were limited options, choices had to be made. Hannah obviously succeeded and John finished the job. "Your sister did a great deed, one that will be explained once we are out of here."

"How do we get out?" Lex asked, hiding her hands in her sleeves.

"Close your eyes and imagine the world you know, a world full of color and light. Think of it as though it is on one side of a circle and that the Black and White is on the other. Imagine turning this world upside down and allowing your consciousness to drop back down into the world you know, falling back into your body until everything is right side up once more," John instructed.

Lex closed her eyes and did as she was told. "Thanks," she said faintly before disappearing from John's view.

Satisfied, he walked around the area to make sure no one else needed assistance in returning to their bodies. Once he was sure there was no one else who needed aid, he returned himself to his body, doing the same trick he'd just taught the girl. Instantly, he was sound asleep and would likely continue to sleep for as long as his body needed to heal. That was alright with him, he had done a good job and the planet was once again safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John used the Blade of Truth to say fuck conformity. Don't expect him to be that coherent next chapter though. Being himself in the Black and White is one thing, having a barely functioning body recovering from all that nonsense is a different thing entirely.


	18. Our Lives Have Just Begun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Hannah work together to make it through family interactions finding a way forward side by side. John is recovering but he is far more concerned about Xander than he is himself. Emma contemplates the future she wishes to have and how she views relationships, especially when it comes to one formally infected business man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are doing well! I do not know how many more chapters there will be, wish I did, it'll depend on what I decide I want to include in the recovery. It'll probably be like another in story month or so, meaning another week, roughly, irl. Probably. It will depend. After this story is over I'm going to start writing another story in a universe where Xander and John adopt Lex and Hannah when Lex is nine and Hannah is an infant, so I'm not going to just suddenly disappear! Just keep an eye out for that story when it starts.

_The blue was surrounding her, squeezing her. Hannah tried to fight against it, to get free, but she couldn’t move. The substance around her was far too thick, and she was far too small. It felt like she was drowning, and as she gasped for breath, the substance rushed into her mouth, filling her from the inside. She tried to breathe, tried to escape, but there was no way out. The Hive was digging into her mind and infecting her soul, and she couldn’t breathe._

_”LEX!” Hannah screamed, but Lex wasn’t there, Lex wasn’t coming. Lex was dead. She died. Her heart stopped and she was gone. No more sister time, no more big sister to take care of her. Lex was dead, and she was drowning. Hannah screamed once more as she struggled against the blue shit. There was no escape, she was alone, and she was going to die._

\---

Tom woke up to the sound of a scream, alerting his well trained dad senses. He quickly got out of bed and went into the hallway, unsure which kid had screamed at first. After a moment of silence, another scream rang out and Tom was back in action, rushing into Hannah’s room and turning on the light. In her nightmare, she’d managed to get wrapped up in her blankets, which wasn’t helping in the slightest.

“Shhh, shh shh, Hannah girl, it’s alright,” Tom hushed as he flipped the tent to her bed away in order to sit on the bed.

He wasn’t sure what to do. This was the first time Hannah had a nightmare in his care, so he wasn’t sure what the best approach was. With Tim, he would wait until he woke up, then make hot cocoa while they talked about what happened. Jane would spray the no-nightmare spray (what was in truth just a small perfume bottle that smelled like vanilla) and check the room for monsters before sending him off to bed. Tom had taken over that job after the accident even though it was painful for them both, but it was still a process they both knew and understood.

He had no idea whether Hannah would want to be touched or not, and it would be difficult to talk through the nightmare afterwards. When he searched for answers online in preparation for an event such as this, the internet didn’t provide much advice beyond ‘children with autism have sleep problems often and need routine’ and the usual parenting advice for nightmare assistance. He didn’t need to be told any of that stuff, he already knew it! What Tom needed was advice for Hannah, and Ethan didn’t know how to help with a nightmare either. The only one who would likely know would be Lex, and Lex had been in and out of consciousness for the last few days, nothing long enough to even explain that he had adopted them.

Tom heard the door to Hannah’s room creak open behind him, and he saw a sleepy Ethan standing there, rubbing his eye with his free hand. “Can you go start some hot chocolate for me?” Tom asked. The teen nodded and yawned, leaving the room to do as he was asked.

Turning his attention back to Hannah, he felt helpless and she gasped and wiggled. He tried his best to free her from her blankets, even though it was difficult with her rolling around, making quiet, calm shushing sounds in hopes of soothing her. Another few minutes passed before Hannah gasped and sat up, clutching her throat like she couldn’t breathe.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, Hannah, I’m right here, I got you, you’re safe,” he soothed, hesitantly reaching out to stroke her hand and remove her hands from her neck.

Hannah looked up at him for a moment, confused, before relief flushed away the fear and she began hugging him tightly. Tom hugged her back, moving them into a more comfortable position with her in his lap and his back against the wall. He rocked her gently as she clung to him, gently stroking her back in a comforting manner. This was his girl, his little girl. Tom knew he would do anything for her, just like he would for Tim. He might not have had her for the last nine years, he might not be her blood, but by God, he was her father.

“It’s okay now, it was just a dream, I’m here now,” he said quietly, holding her closely.

She was calming down as Ethan returned. He looked a bit more awake this time as he knocked gently on her door. Tom gestured for him to place the cups on the bedside table and he did so before quietly making his way back out again to give them privacy. Once the door was closed once more, Tom bounced Hannah a bit to gauge if she was ready to let go or not. She sniffled a bit and loosened her grip in order to rub her eye with a free hand.

“You want some cocoa? When Tim has nightmares, we drink hot chocolate and talk about his dream. We don’t have to talk about your dream, if you can’t. I can tell you about mine instead,” Tom asked.

Hannah nodded and turned around, taking the little cup with stars on it that they’d gotten her on a shopping trip. Tom took his own mug and tapped it gently against hers as he took a sip. That got a smile from her, and she took a sip as well. He was glad to see she was starting to calm down, though he wished he could make all of her pain and fear go away instantly. All he could do was comfort her and make sure she knew the dream wasn’t real, and that was what he was going to do.

“In my dream, I was in the car with you guys, and the infected were chasing after me, like they did that day we met. I was really scared, ‘cause I didn’t want to crash and get anybody hurt like I did before, and I was scared you guys would get infected. Then right in front of the car was Lex, but before I hit her, I woke up!” Tom explained. The dream wasn’t entirely true, but it was similar enough to dreams he’d had in the past that he hoped it would slide. “The first thing I did was check on you and Tim and Ethan, and saw you three were safe and sound, which meant Emma would be too. Then, I reasoned that if you guys were fine, then Lex wouldn’t be out there still right?”

Hannah nodded in agreement as she sipped on her cocoa.

“I also knew that we’re gonna go visit her in the morning before you three head to class and I go to work, and I knew if something came up during the night, that we’d get a call. So, Lex had to be okay, because we didn’t get a call, and we’ll see her very soon,” Tom concluded, taking another drink from his mug.

She was listening, clearly, and seemed to be put at ease by his reasoning. Even if she couldn’t talk through the problem with him, he could talk through something similar in a way that would help her understand her own dream, in a way. Tom was glad he’d found that solution to the problem without floundering too much to get there.

“Did you know that hot chocolate has magic in it?” Tom whispered, leaning closer to her. Hannah gave him a look of disbelief and a smile, which told Tom he was doing good. “It’s true! See, the warmth of the cocoa gets into your tummy, right? And then that warmth spreads through the rest of you, making the bad thoughts and feelings go away. It makes you feel all warm and safe, so you know you’re okay and loved. Hot chocolate reminds you of that no matter how bad things get.”

Hannah took another sip of her cocoa, smiling a little more. Good. They sat in silence as they drank, happy and safe in each other’s company. Once the cocoa was gone, Tom sat the cups on the bedside table and gently urged Hannah back into bed. She yawned as he tucked her back into bed.

“Goodnight, Hannah Banana,” he said, kissing her forehead gently as he pulled the blankets up to her chin.

“Goodnight, Dad,” she mumbled as she curled up to sleep.

Tom felt his heart swell as he looked down at his little girl. Maybe he was doing a good job after all. He sent a thought of thanks to Jane for her strength and guiding hand in this trying time before taking the cups to the kitchen and returning to bed.

\---

John was awake. He was aware of that fact. It was exciting. He had no idea how much time had passed, or what was happening. His mind felt disorganized, and not everything was within reach, like when you led your phone to a friend and find that they deleted tabs off your browser and opened fifty apps. That made being conscious a difficult challenge, because every time he opened his eyes, his brain craved sleep once more.

But, John was awake. He knew his body had been awake a few times over however long it had been, but he hadn’t been conscious during that time, and any time he was conscious he just fell back to sleep again. This time, he had enough physical and mental energy to keep his eyes open and look around. He heard the clicking of computer keys and felt Xander’s presence beside him. Of course. Xander wouldn’t leave his side. The concept of movement was beyond his body at the moment, so was speech, so he let out a louder breath to alert his husband of his status.

Luckily, Xander did seem to hear him, and jumped, turning to look at him. God, he looked tired. Had he not been sleeping? The entirety of his time under the control of the Hive was a blur. He had no idea how long it had been, or what had happened. It could have been days, it could have been years, all John knew was that every part of him ached as though he had nearly died, and that he felt disgusting. Going off of how tired Xander looked- John felt his brain immediately reject his attempt to do math and he was forced to surrender that goal if he wanted to stay awake.

“Hey, John, are you with me this time?” Xander asked softly in that voice he used whenever John was hurt. There was nothing more comforting in the world than that voice, except for perhaps the feeling of his husband’s fingers gently combing through his hair.

His eyes still stung from… whatever happened, but he could control them more than the rest of his body. He didn’t have the energy to speak, but he did have the energy to blink. ‘Y.E.S.’ he blinked in morse code. John didn’t have to worry that Xander wouldn’t understand him, they had communicated like this plenty of times when talking wasn’t possible.

Relief seemed to flood Xander’s frame as the tension in his shoulders dropped. “My God, John,” Xander said, rubbing his eyes. He sounded almost in tears “My God, it’s really you. You’re really back, you’re coming back. You’re really coming back.”

Oh no.

Xander wasn’t the crying sort. His emotions were there, of course he felt them the same as any other, his body just didn’t resort to crying unless the emotions were extreme. That fact, coupled with the repetitive nature of what Xander said filled John with a sense of dread. His husband had anxiety, he always had. Xander needed to take medication to manage it and everything. John knew his husband like the back of his hand, knew every quirk and habit, and especially every sign of his anxiety being unmanageable and his emotional state being shit. The repetition, the tears, the lack of sleep…

Xander was shit at self care, always had been. John constantly reminded him to take care of himself, to take his medication, to get to sleep. If he was out for an extended period of time and Xander was forced to witness him being controlled by the Hive… 

John wasn’t okay. He was so weak he could barely move and his mind was in tatters. He was terrified of someone else controlling him, of losing himself once more. He felt like he still didn’t own his body once more, feeling out of place due to the weakness and just the way his body felt. He had no idea how much time had passed or if he would fully recover from the whole mess. None of that mattered though, not really. His body would heal in time, his mind would recover. What wasn’t okay was how fragile Xander looked in that moment. Xander wasn’t okay, and if John could guess, he hadn’t been okay for far too long.

There was nothing he could do, really, not yet. John couldn’t hold his husband until he stopped shaking, couldn’t sing softly to him until he stopped spiraling downwards in his anxiety. He could already feel himself beginning to fade back into sleep, unable to keep himself awake much longer. Still, John swore he wouldn’t let his husband’s suffering continue. This couldn’t continue.

‘C.O.M.E. L.A.Y.’ he blinked before looking beside him on the bed he had been moved onto.

“Come lay? You want me to lay down with you?” Xander asked.

John blinked hard once in affirmation, and Xander slowly got onto the bed with him, curling on his side so he would fit without disturbing John in his healing. Good. Xander always fell asleep when he laid on his side. As he felt himself fading back into the darkness, he pushed his head to rest against Xander’s, allowing the two to sleep peacefully together for the first time in almost two months.

\---

Over the last, say, seven and a half weeks, Emma had been thinking about her place in the world quite a bit. Due to the Apotheosis, she hadn’t had to work, and she certainly wasn’t going to school when all the teachers were infected. She had time to think about what she really wanted to do, who she wanted to be, and how she wanted to get where she wanted to go. It wasn’t like there was much else she could do, given the fact that she had to stay off her leg as much as humanly possible without a wheelchair.

She had come to decide that she wanted to be a good aunt, a cool aunt for Tim and Hannah, and eventually Lex. Ethan was a weird gray area for her since he wasn’t adopted by Tom but kind of lived with him and was dating one of his adopted daughters, which made her confused as to what her relationship with him should be, but she decided she would be his cool aunt too since the kid clearly needed it. She wanted to be a good sister-in-law, in the way she’d never been a good sister. Emma was done messing around with interpersonal shit, it wasted so much time and left her without a relationship with her sister. She was going to be such a great family member they’d forget she was ever gone.

Emma sat with Tom at Charlotte’s bedside, at Lex’s bedside. She helped them unpack their house when they moved, and watched the kids when Lex was dying. Quite frankly, she thought she was doing great, at least as great as she could in the circumstance. Emma wasn’t in the habit of letting people in, letting people get close to her, but that led her to losing any chance of being close to her sister. She wasn’t going to chance it again.

That led her to the biggest problem she was having when it came to the personal side of things: Paul. Reasonably, she knew she shouldn’t feel so attached to a guy she barely knew. She had no reason to sit by his bedside every day while he was being cured, or to continue doing it now. She didn’t even need to fight to get him cured so quickly in the first place. They were barely more than strangers, she had no responsibility for him, no deep connection bound by law and family. He was just Paul.

And, she _liked_ Paul, more than she liked to admit. It felt silly, obsessive even to think she could have an opinion on the guy when they’d had only a handful of conversations and a failed kiss. Tom was right, she had been spending a lot of time by his side, and she couldn’t explain why to herself, let alone to him. She didn’t like to get attached because when you got attached, people could hurt you, and they could leave, and she never wanted to feel that again. Emma knew even as it was happening that she shouldn’t distance herself from her sister the way that she did, but she couldn’t help it. After losing their parents, she couldn’t stand to lose her sister too.

Then she did. She lost Jane and she lost every chance she had at connecting with her and being close to her. She lost the only support she had in the whole wide world because she kept her distance and reality was cruel. So, being close to people could cause pain, and being apart from them could cause pain. Where did that leave her? Distance didn’t lessen the pain, it only made it harder because she was left wondering ‘what if’. If nothing could prevent the pain of loss, she shouldn’t distance herself from those she cared about, right?

Where did that leave Paul? It felt weird sitting at the bedside of someone she’d never even been on a date with, but he didn’t have anyone, did he? He was alone, and apparently some kind of hero warrior person, so really, sitting by his side wasn’t weird. He needed someone, she was the only one he knew. It only made sense that she watched over him.

On top of that, there was this weird feeling in her gut that she’d been trying to ignore since the first time she laid eyes on him. Emma couldn’t name it, not without feeling like an idiot, but the moment she saw him some part of her just whispered the word ‘fate’, and she tried to ignore it ever since. She liked Paul. She liked his strong opinions on things, and the way he wasn’t afraid to be an asshole. She liked how his hair fell in front of his face like the gel couldn’t stop it from looking sad. She liked how incredibly awkward he was, how charming he was in his own geeky way. She liked him.

Where did that leave her? The last thing she wanted was for Paul to feel like he owed her anything when he found out how much time she’d spent by his side. Sure, she was going to tease him about it if she got the chance, pretending that he owed her, but she didn’t want to base any possibility of a relationship on that because she had a feeling he wouldn’t understand she was joking. Emma hadn’t even been looking for a relationship! She hadn’t planned to get a crush on a random customer who came in way too often for the crap coffee they served whose tie was always slightly crooked and whose hair fell in front of his face like it was sad. 

Turned out her planning was shit though, didn’t it? First the distancing, then the pot farm, then the crush. Could it really be considered a crush if she spent almost two months by his side while he was infected with an alien singing plague? Emma didn’t know. It wasn’t like they hadn’t also tried to kiss. What were they?!

Paul made a sound and scrunched up his face like he did when he was waking up, before turning his head and looking at her. It had been impossible to tell how conscious he was in the last week, given his apparent inability to communicate, something the doctors thought might be a side effect of the whole singing to communicate thing. Still, sometimes he’d been more alert than others when his eyes opened, like then for instance.

“Hey, sleepy head. Not all of us can snooze all day, save some of that sleep for the rest of us,” she joked, unsure how else to respond to his gaze.

“Emma,” he croaked, looking at her with this incredibly soft expression that Emma had no idea what to do with.

“Hey,” she replied softly, her usual bravado now diminished in her shock.

Paul looked at her for another moment as if reading her soul before smiling faintly. “We made it,” he croaked, his voice hoarse and pained, but probably one of the most beautiful sounds she’d ever heard.

“Yeah, Paul. I think we really did,” Emma said, allowing herself to truly believe it for the first time. Things were going to be okay, she decided. They’d figure things out together, step by step. She wasn’t alone anymore. They’d made it, and Emma was truly happy to be alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to have Hannah call Tom Daddy as children tend to call their fathers but I couldn't trust you heathens not to make it weird.


	19. Father's Hopeless Seed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Becky eat lunch together in the cafeteria. Lex finds out she's adopted. Xander and John argue about soup. Tom and Charlotte talk about Sam. Emma and Paul talk about arson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I was kinda hungry while writing this chapter so they eat a bunch, sorry. I also finished writing at four am, so if it gets a bit weird towards the end that's why. I am sorry the chapter is a lil late, but it be like that sometimes. Trying my best. There are so many snippets I am trying to fit in that happen at the same time that some scenes might get shorter so that more scenes can happen, ya know? Nothing is being cut! I'm just trying to fit everything in.

Tom stood in line at the cafeteria with Becky during a lunch break. Since things had calmed down some, they had begun to spend more time together, specifically during lunch breaks when they could synchronize. She was still as busy as ever, because every machine that was vacated meant another person was placed inside, if they identified them and such. He was still busy being a father, now more than ever as Lex slowly began to recover, but he didn’t spend every free moment by the bedside of Lex or Paul or Charlotte anymore. His lunch breaks could indeed be breaks once again.

“What’s for lunch today?” Tom asked the lady behind the counter with a small smile.

“Peas,” the woman replied, placing food on his tray and giving it to him without looking at him. There were no peas on the tray.

“‘Kay thanks bye,” he said quickly, giving Becky a confused expression as the two moved on.

She laughed as she went to pay. “She always responds ‘peas’. I don’t even know if I’ve ever heard her say something other than peas, and I’ve been working here for years.”

“Why peas though?” Tom asked as he paid as well, following Becky to their usual table. “I try to start a conversation one time in this place and all I get is ‘peas’.”

“Who knows. Aliens? It could be because of aliens,” Becky said, clearly both joking and serious.

Tom had to laugh a bit and shrug. It could very well be because of aliens. They ate happily together, enjoying each other’s company as if they were the only people in the crowded cafeteria. It reminded Tom of back in the day, though everything was so different now. Things were getting better, and Tom was truly happy for the first time in a long time due to the new people in his life and the health of those he cared about.

“Quick question: why is there a chalkboard in here with what seems like random stuff written on it and why does it have its own ID card taped to it?” Tom asked, nodding towards the board located near the entrance of the room.

“So, a while back Xander was working on something and wouldn’t go on a lunch break, but John basically forced him to, so Xander dragged a chalkboard down here to work on it. He ate and everything, then forgot to take the board back with him, so it just stayed down here. People started drawing on it and leaving notes for others, and everyone just kind of accepted it was going to be here from now on. One day, somebody took it away and everyone rioted, it was insane. The research division went on strike, five people ended up in the hospital, it was… It was a lot. The next day, Chalky was back covered in handwritten apologies from the thief. Not long after it got its own ID so no one would take it again,” Becky explained.

Tom laughed. “Are you serious?!”

“Absolutely,” Becky said with a straight face before she lost her composer and started laughing again. “This place isn’t nearly as serious as it has been in the last two months. Everyone is so weird here, it’s great. Once things get back to normal, you’re going to love it here.”

“It’s too late, I already do,” Tom teased, poking her nose as they continued to eat.

\---

Hannah ran into her sister’s ‘hospital’ room excitedly, and sat down on her bed with a bounce. Lex had been recovering for the last week and according to the doctors she was healing faster than the grownups due to her age, which was very exciting. It meant she would be able to come home sooner! “Hi, Lex!” she said cheerfully.

“Careful, Banana, she might be healing but she’s still not 100%,” Ethan warned as he sat down at Lex’s bedside.

Tim walked in after them, playing on his DS. “I caught a Phampy,” he stated as he sat down in another seat in the room.

“Hey,” Lex said in her still rough voice, smiling slightly at Hannah and Ethan.

“Tom’s on his lunch break with Becky down in the cafeteria right now, so he won’t be coming until later,” Ethan explained.

Hannah could feel her sister’s confusion, but didn’t know where to start. So much had happened in the last two months. “Dad,” she tried to explain.

“Oh shit, did we not- shit yeah I don’t think we explained that, sorry, Babe,” Ethan said, scratching his head. “Tom, Mr. Houston, adopted you and Hannah ‘cause of the whole Apotheosis thing. That’s why he and Tim are always around. He realized how shitty your mom was and decided to be your dad from now on. He got you guys bedrooms and everything, I’m living there too.”

“What?” Lex asked, still clearly incredibly confused.

“Yeah, it’s legal and everything. He bought bedroom furniture and Hannah got to design her room and we helped design yours. Tom put a lot of care into it, like he was really serious about making sure you liked it and everything. You’re gonna love it, he’s probably gonna take you shopping at some point to get anything else you need,” Ethan explained.

Lex sat there quietly, trying to process what she was hearing. “No more Mom…?”

“No more Mom!” Hannah agreed, rocking back in forth out of happiness. She could feel the relief coming from her sister, and that comforted her more than anything else that had happened. Her sister wouldn’t have to worry so much anymore. She’d be able to be a real teenager, not just a sister who acted like a mom.

“No more mom. Now you don’t gotta cry so much no more.” Ethan said, squeezing his girlfriend’s hand.

“Bad grammar,” Lex scolded.

“Yeah yeah, whatever, I’m doing better at all that! Tom’s been helping me study!” Ethan said cheerfully.

“Yeah?” Lex said, sounding like she was beginning to get tired.

“Yeah, he’s been… really great. Get some sleep, Babe, you’ve been awake way too long,” Ethan said. “You were awake when we came in here. You can’t go home if you don’t get better.”

“Home,” Lex said softly as she closed her eyes.

“Home,” Hannah agreed, tucking in her sister like Lex had always done for her.

\---

Xander had, after many glares from his husband, returned home to take care of himself. He hated leaving him, but he knew he needed a shower and a change of clothes if he wanted to seem professional in any sense of the word. When he returned, it was lunchtime and the first thing he saw was a bowl of soup sitting on a tray in front of his husband, untouched.

So, Becky wasn’t on duty at the moment. Great. Xander prepared himself for the storm that awaited him and entered the room.

John was clearly displeased. He was still in rough shape, not speaking and instead tapping out what he wanted in morse code due to his limited mobility. The lack of energy and ability to communicate had been causing John no end of frustration, but there was little anyone could do. It wasn’t that he was healing slower than any of the others, more that he had been in such a terrible state to begin with that he had further to go.

“Becky is on lunch,” Xander said as he sat down at his desk.

John raised an eyebrow at him and tapped out, ‘S.O.U.P.’

“Yes, I see that,” he sighed. “You need to get something into your system that doesn’t come from an I.V. I know you don’t like soup, especially when it’s just broth like this, but it’s what your nurse brought you.”

‘N.O.T. F.O.O.D.’ John tapped out. He didn’t even need to continue the statement once he got halfway through, Xander already knew what he was going to say.

“I know, I know. Soup isn’t a food because it is a liquid. You don’t chew it, you drink it. I know. We have had this discussion many times. So many times. Every time we go out to eat and they offer you soup, we have this discussion. I am aware of the situation. I have been aware of the situation since our second date. Please eat the soup,” Xander sighed.

‘P.R.I.N.C.I.P.A.L.’

“Yes, it’s the principal of the thing, I know.” Xander was so done. He was so done. They had this conversation every time John got injured, because they would bring him soup, and John would refuse to eat the soup. Every goddamn time. Becky was the only one who remembered not to give him the fucking soup.

‘I W.I.L.L. N.O.T. "E.A.T." A L.I.Q.U.I.D.’

“You need to start getting your digestive system working right again, you need to get something in your stomach, you can’t live off the tube or the I.V. forever. Please?” Xander asked.

‘N.O.T. A F.O.O.D.’

If his computer wasn’t on his desk, Xander would slam his head into it. He was tired. His nerves were fried. Everything just sucked to a degree that made this unbearable. “John, for the love of God, please drink the goddamn soup,” he groaned, rubbing his face as he tried to stave off an anxiety attack. “I can’t go ask the nurse for something else right now. I just can’t. Please just drink the soup. I am about to either have an anxiety attack or go ape shit, and frankly I can’t tell which is going to happen right now.”

John’s expression softened as Xander spoke, and Xander knew he’d probably gone too far. “Sorry, I’m sorry. I’m just…”

‘T.A.K.E. Y.O.U.R. M.E.D.S’ John tapped before picking up the bowl with shaky hands and sipping on it.

Xander instantly reached over and helped steady his hands. Of course John was going to refuse to use the goddamn spoon. His hands couldn’t handle the weight of the bowl at the moment, so the assistance was necessary. “Are you drinking the soup specifically so I will take my meds?” Xander asked. John gave the slightest of nods and Xander rolled his eyes. “Alright, after you finish.”

John nodded once more, drinking the broth at a steady pace. Once it was gone, they put the bowl down together. As soon as it was on the tray, John stared at Xander with that expression he got on his face which gave Xander no option to deny him. He made a show of rolling his eyes and taking the bottle out of his work bag. Xander popped the pill in his mouth, and drank from his old coffee cup and took the pill, making jazz hands as he sat the cup down.

‘T.H.A.N.K. Y.O.U.’ John said, resting back against the bed more than he had been when he ate.

“Thank you,” Xander replied, resting back in his own chair. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

‘S.U.R.V.I.V.E.’ John tapped, giving him a very serious expression. Xander could feel his husband’s concern and he knew how upset he was that Xander had fallen apart so much during the last two months, but it would be okay. They would be okay. It would just take some time.

\---

“Hey, Lotte,” Tom said as Charlotte woke from her nap. It was later now, after work, and he wanted to visit her before going over to Lex’s room.

Charlotte smiled softly and gave a little wave. “How was work?” she asked. Her voice was healing, just like Paul’s was, and Tom couldn’t be happier.

“Work was fine, had lunch with Becky like old times,” Tom said as he sat down. “I’m gonna take the kids over to Clivesdale for dinner out. Hannah and Lex’s mom never took them anywhere, and Lex could only get fast food, so we’re going to Olive Garden.”

“Oh, fancy!” Charlotte said with a yawn. “Have you heard about when they’re gonna put Sam through the treatment?”

Tom paused and sighed, rubbing his head. “Charlotte, they’re not going to put him through the treatment.”

“What?” she asked, holding her chest with concern and surprise.

“His brain fell out of his body, Char. THEN he got shot in the head. People who went through less died halfway through the treatment, there is no way Sam is going to survive it. It doesn’t make sense to put his body through the process and make what little of him is left inside suffer for however long he lives until his body gives out. His brain is so damaged even the infection couldn’t fix it. He’s gone, Charlotte. I’m sorry,” Tom said quietly.

Charlotte was silent as she processed that information. She didn’t look like she was going to cry, she just looked incredibly tired. Tom could understand truly. After everything the man put her through, he was never going to get the chance to change or do better. They couldn’t even have a divorce. He was just dead. If she went down to the hold, he would still be walking around and singing, but he was gone, truly. The Hivemind was gone now, according to Xander and Lex, and it explained how aimlessly the infected were all moving, but it certainly didn’t make it easier.

“I know you love him, I know what it’s like to lose your spouse-”

“He was a bastard,” Charlotte muttered, clearly still heartbroken by the loss.

“Yeah, yeah he was. He was your bastard though, wasn’t he?” Tom said.

“Yeah. Yeah he was,” she said quietly, looking exhausted.

\---

“When you get out of this joint, we’re going on a real date, you know that, right? A real fucking date with candles and shit,” Emma stated as she ate her takeout Chinese food.

“Oh hell yeah,” Paul said enthusiastically as he ate his contraband Chinese food. “Arson.”

“Hell yeah, arson!” she exclaimed, raising her chopsticks in the air in triumph.

Paul laughed as he ate. His motor control was not the best still so he was using a fork instead. He wasn’t nearly recovered, but he was certainly doing better than Charlotte due to how little damage his body had received during the infection. His voice was doing better, and he was still weak, but he was certainly not the worst off of the recovering people.

“You know, I almost burned down an entire set piece in the football field in high school,” Emma stated, looking over at him with a smile.

“You what?” Paul asked, those goofy eyebrows raising with surprise.

“Yeah, the director kicked Jane out of the musical, I threatened to burn the set on the football field in tribute to a dark god,” she explained, nodding like it was a normal situation.

Paul laughed. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope. Hey, you need a shave,” Emma said.

“Don’t change the topic! You really are an arsonist?”

“I will not confirm or deny whether anything actually burned,” she teased.

Paul ran his hands over his face, then stopped at his beard. “Wow, I really do need to shave, don’t I?”

“You really do. I don’t have a razor on me, I’d have to ask for one from the staff and I’m not about to do that when we have secret Chinese food in the room,” Emma said, continuing to eat.

“Contraband Chinese food,” he said as he also ate.

“We’ll get you shaved eventually. Your beard sucks so bad,” she teased.

“Oh yeah, I can’t grow a beard to save my life,” Paul agreed, rubbing his face with his free hand.

“Can’t sing to save your life either,” Emma teased.

“God, I hope not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh I wish I had anxiety meds that actually worked like lmao can you imagine??? Also the whole soup thing has been a running joke, it's specifically John's opinion not mine.


	20. I Want You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander gives John a cut and shave. Schaeffer may or may not have a crush. Tom tries to help Lex feel like part of the family. Hannah converses with Webby late at night. Emma and Paul 'dance' and then proceed to fall down, as per their usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is nudity in the first scene but it is not detailed or anything, and is solely because John can't bathe himself at the moment so Xander helps. No smut here, none of that. Just soft husband things. Also, I am a cis lesbian who knows very little about beards for obviously stated reasons. If I got something wrong in the description of beard things, that is why, and I am sorry. I tried my best lmao.

John felt disgusting. Between the sweat that caked him during the worst of the procedure and the fact that his hair and beard were out of control, he just didn't feel like himself. Sure, they'd cleaned him up, but that was to remove the blue shit, not the grime that came from sickness. He didn't want to ask for assistance in getting clean from any of the nurses, however. Would you? After he had lost control of his body for so long, he was deeply unsettled by the idea of someone else moving him or touching him, unless it was Xander.

Xander was hardly doing any better though, and John didn’t want to make things harder for him. His husband was working both of their jobs at the moment and he was still struggling to take care of himself while being there for John. The idea of asking more of him was too much, John couldn’t stomach it. Still, Xander was the only one John trusted with touching him beyond what the doctors and nurses needed.

John didn’t feel like himself. He didn’t feel like he truly had control over his body. Movement was still incredibly difficult, though he’d begun to be able to use his hands and move his head some more, and he could now make small sounds. The beard and hair wasn’t helping anything. They were parts that were deeply tied to how he displayed himself. He’d taken great care to keep himself well groomed over the years, because if he seemed organized in a moment of great stress, people would know they could look to him for aid.

Helping people was what John had always wanted to do. From the age of ten on, all he had strived for in life had been to save people however he could. Even before that, he’d wanted to help, being the best boy scout he could be. Sure, he was an incredibly chaotic boy scout, but he got the results the others didn’t and followed the rules exactly. After his tenth birthday, everything was different.

There was a moderate threat level apocalypse that day, July Fourth. A force from the Black and White took over the minds of the citizens of Hatchetfield. John, on his tenth birthday, was the only one who was immune to the force, due to his own connection to the Black and White and to Webby. Those that were infected grew violent and sought to tear apart anyone they saw. Children seemed immune from the violence, but they were just as mind controlled as the others. John lost his parents that day, but it was also the day he met Colonel Wilbur Cross.

Wilbur was connected to the Black and White as well, and he took John under his wing, raising him from then on. It frustrated John that after the threat was ended, everyone else went back to normal. Wilbur had explained that because of the way the force controlled them, no one remembered. The world went on turning as though nothing happened even though everything had changed for him. Xander didn’t remember, but he could empathise.

Xander had always empathised. He had always been patient with him, when his nonsense allowed it. (John knew some of his nonsense didn’t deserve patience and appreciated Xander’s ability to call him out on his bullshit.) John gave him back the same treatment, and the two together were an unstoppable power couple that ran PEIP better than it had ever been run before. Without the other? Well, there was a reason Xander had lost weight and looked sick.

“You look miserable, Honey,” Xander said softly.

‘H.A.I.R.’ John tapped out in explanation. He couldn’t without something that was bothering him from Xander. It would only upset him. ‘B.E.A.R.D.’

Xander nodded and paused. “You need a bath too, don’t you?”

John gave the slight nod he could give.

“Let me see what I can do,” Xander said, quickly leaving the room. When he returned, he had a big smile on his face and went into the bathroom. Due to John’s specific problems, he had been moved to a private room in the hospital. Xander’s things had been moved to the new room, though he’d been given a hospital bed instead (thank God for Schaeffer). After a few minutes, Xander came back out and smiled again. “I know you can’t walk right now, but I think we can make it with the wheelchair, what do you think?”

He gave his husband a small smile and nod. At that, Xander gently assisted John into the wheelchair and pushed him into the bathroom. He helped John into the prepared tub after taking off his hospital gown. John felt his body relax in the warm water and he ended up dozing off. When the water began draining, John awoke, feeling disoriented.

“It’s okay, you’re safe, you’re clean, let me dry you off,” Xander said quietly, putting John at ease once more. Xander gently dried him off and helped him move to the top of the toilet, keeping the towel around his waist. 

John allowed his eyes to slip shut as Xander put his usual products in his hair, and god, John already felt human again. Afterwards, Xander quietly trimmed John’s hair back to where it had been before, taking care to make it even. He’d cut John’s hair plenty of times before, when John was going through a rough patch and couldn’t find it in him to trust anyone else with blades near his head, so they both knew it would turn out alright. Once John’s hair was cut, Xander applied shaving cream to John’s face. He carefully cleaned up John’s beard, and eventually took out the shaving scissors to shape the beard into the right length and shape once more.

Neither cared much for how long it took, what mattered was that John would feel like himself again. When he was done, Xander got John in a new hospital gown and into his wheelchair. Both relaxed once John was back in his bed and tucked in. There was something cathartic about being clean and having his hair and beard back to normal, not just for John but for Xander as well. He looked and felt like John again.

“Thank you,” John managed to mumble in his gravelly voice.

They looked at each other, a bit surprised that John had managed to speak words for the first time in over two weeks. “It’s nothing if it’s for you,” Xander replied softly, gently running a hand through his husband’s drying hair.

“Sap,” John teased as he smiled the little he could.

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not,” Xander said with his own smile. “Get some sleep, Honey.”

John nodded slightly and closed his eyes. What would he do without Xander? Fall apart, surely.

\---

Amanda Schaeffer sat quietly by the bedside of one Lieutenant James “Code” Johnson. The excitable man had been on the mission with the general, and had fallen alongside him. When the doctors decided to test their process on the first member of PEIP, Amanda insisted they chose him, but… for frankly personal reasons. She was close friends to Code, not that she let anyone know besides Xander and John. As much as she loved those boys, it was different with Code. With the other two, she had a position as their third in command and the one who kept things afloat if they were out of commision. With Code, she was just Amanda.

“How was work?” Code asked. “I can’t wait to get back to work.”

“Work was fine, things are starting to go back to normal. You’ll be back to normal soon too,” Amanda said, trying very hard not to smile.

“I can’t believe I let us get infected. The General must hate me,” Code groaned. Even with the weakness he was feeling and the difficulty he had speaking, he still managed to say so much with so much energy. Amanda would never understand it.

“He doesn’t, he can’t. It wasn’t your fault the line fell, you couldn’t have predicted it,” Amanda said.

“I was his lieutenant on the mission! I was supposed to-”

“You were caught by the infected and effectively killed, Code. You can’t blame yourself for that,” Amanda interrupted.

Code looked down, twiddling his thumbs. “He’s still so sick…”

“That isn’t your fault. No matter what you did while infected, it wasn’t your fault,” Amanda said seriously.

He looked up at her and smiled a bit. “Mandy, you are way softer than you like to seem.”

“Soft? Me? Never,” Amanda said proudly, holding her head up high without telling him not to call her by that nickname.

\---

“I hate cops,” Lex said seriously.

Tom sighed, putting his head in his hands. “I’m not a cop.”

“You work here,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “You’re even worse.”

“I’m a mechanic! They’re going to help me become an engineer. I’m not a cop,” he groaned. They had been having this conversation for far too long at that point. Tom knew she was just trying to irritate him, but it was certainly working.

“You were in the army, you work here now,” she disagreed, her arms crossed. “You’re a cop.”

“I am not a cop!” Tom cried.

“You’re totally a cop.”

“No!”

“Lex! Dad!” Hannah cried as she ran into the room, bouncing and sitting on Lex’s bed.

Lex seemed to be somewhat uncomfortable, but Tom didn’t know how to rectify that. He knew it was going to be awkward for her for a while as she got used to how things were now, but he wasn’t sure how to help that process along. Tom was her favorite teacher in school, and now he was her adoptive father. It was tough! He knew she was relieved to be out of her mother’s house, but that wasn’t going to make this transition any easier.

“Hey, Sweetheart,” Tom said, giving her a smile. “Your sister is calling me a cop.”

“But you are a cop,” Ethan said as he entered the room, gently dragging Tim in behind him.

“Don’t drag!” Lex scolded.

“He’s playing pokemon again! What am I supposed to do?” Ethan whined.

Tim looked up from his DS and shrugged. “My Bidoof is level 20 now.”

“You can’t play pokemon while you’re walking,” Tom sighed.

“Santa gave me pokemon, it would be disrespectful not to play it,” Tim replied seriously.

“If you don’t watch where you’re going, the mole people will snatch you up,” Lex said with a smirk.

“Mole people aren’t real,” Tim stated, looking back down at his game.

“Don’t be so sure of that, Tim, after all monsters exist,” Tom said, smirking back at Lex.

Tim actually froze and looked up. “Oh no.”

\---

_You’re happy._

“Yes!” Hannah said cheerfully as she sat on her bed. She still couldn’t believe she had her own bed, her own room. Soon Lex was going to be in her room, and they would be a real family. A real one! Not just the two of them taking care of their mom, a really real family.

She loved her pajamas. They were incredibly soft and comfortable, perfect for her sensitivity to texture. Her room was dark, save for the cloud night lights on the wall which made her feel safe. Hannah loved her comfy socks and her bed tent and her furniture. She felt safe, it was an amazing feeling. Hannah just couldn’t wait until Lex could feel it too.

Of course, there were times when she felt safe in the past. When she was with Lex and Ethan in Ethan’s house, she didn’t feel afraid. At home, there was always the overbearing sense of suspense as they waited for their mom to do something bad or scary. Or rather, at the old house. Here, she didn’t think anyone was going to hurt her or do bad things. Sure, her instincts still made her scared sometimes, she still reacted to things as if she expected things to be like her mom’s house, but truly she knew that she was safe.

“Happy. I’m happy. This is a happy place,” Hannah stated, hugging herself and rocking side to side with content.

_Yes. I’m glad. You don’t need me as much anymore._

Hannah nodded in understanding as a light knock came from her door. It opened slightly and Tom looked in. “Hey, I heard you talking. Do you need tucked back in?”

She nodded once more and laid back down on her bed. Her bed! Tom quietly walked in and tucked her back in, kissing her forehead. “Goodnight, Dad,” she said quietly.

“Goodnight, Hannah girl,” Tom replied, ruffling her hair and heading out of the room, closing the door behind him.

\---

“Emma, please,” Paul whined.

“Paul, no! The doctor said you shouldn’t try walking yet,” Emma said, crossing her arms.

“If I have to lay still in this bed for one more hour I am going to spontaneously combust,” Paul replied, making appropriate hand motions.

She sighed. “And when you fall down and hurt yourself?”

“Why is Miss Arson telling me to behave?” Paul asked, raising an eyebrow. As soon as the words left his mouth, he knew he got her.

“Fine! Fine, sure, let’s do this. If you get hurt it isn’t my fault,” Emma said, throwing up her hands in defeat before assisting Paul in moving to have his legs over the side of the bed.

“I’m going to use you to stay steady,” Paul said. He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled on her as he attempted to stand.

Paul hated sitting still. He liked routine, he liked _his_ routine. This whole thing disrupted his routine and the new routine was shit, because he didn’t get to move around. He needed to rest, which he appreciated, but at the same time one could only rest so much before they started going insane. Yes, his body felt weak and ached a bit, but he couldn’t just sit there anymore. He didn’t even have any work to do! How was he supposed to function!

Well, it did give him a lot of opportunity to just… sit and talk with Emma. Emma was always around, when she wasn’t working as a lab assistant like she had been recently or when she was at her place on the base. Frankly, he was thankful for the opportunity, because he wasn’t sure he’d ever have been able to be this brave without it. They had spent so much time together at that point, and he felt incredibly comfortable with her, and Paul never felt comfortable with anybody. He was an awkward human being! Being comfortable with someone was insane.

Using her as an anchor, he managed to stand. Paul was putting a fair amount of weight on her, but she wasn’t complaining, rather she was holding onto his waist to keep him steady. “Sorry if this hurts,” Paul said as he steadied himself.

“Don’t worry about it, this reminds me of my middle school dance. You, holding my shoulders awkwardly, me holding onto your waist as best as I can with my tiny hands, both of us having absolute death grips on each other… Totally brings me back to middle school,” she joked.

He laughed as he tried to sway slightly before stopping. “I don’t know how to dance,” Paul admitted. “I didn’t go to any dances in school, wasn’t really my scene.”

“Oh yeah, you’re way too much of a nerd,” Emma teased. “You ready to try and take a step? I’ll go backwards and you go forwards, alright?”

“We really are dancing,” he said as he nodded.

Emma took a step backwards and Paul hesitantly took a step forward, nearly losing his balance as he did. She grabbed his shoulder with one hand and continued to hold his waist with the other. This allowed him to regain his balance and he smiled brightly at her out of victory. They continued this dance until they got to the door and it left them both smiling with success.

“Thank you,” Paul said softly.

“No problem,” Emma replied, leaning up towards him.

He met her half way and completed the kiss they didn’t get to have before. It wasn’t exactly what either of them truly would have hoped for a first kiss, but it was certainly them, if that made sense. That was partially due to the fact that right after they kissed, Paul lost his balance and left them both down falling to the ground.

“Shit!” Emma said as they fell leaving her on his chest. “Are you okay?!”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Maybe a little bruised, but fine,” Paul replied with a laugh.

“I am not going to be able to help you off the floor,” she said, sitting up on top of him.

“Shit.”

“Shit indeed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All these characters are such chaotic disasters, I love em. Schaeffer needs some happiness, I'm sorry.


	21. Never Have Wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xander has a very important meeting, and wishes to pull his hair out of his head, if it were only long enough to do so. Lex teaches Tom how to braid Hannah's hair. Emma and Paul make each other laugh way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for no chapter yesterday, had to take a health day. Writing this much every day is a lot! I often end up staying up until after 4 am (today it's 5 am) so I can get the chapter out, but I do it out of love for you guys! I want to bring some happiness to you all and I hope I can!
> 
> If anyone wants to chat with me I am r-we-taire-yet on tumblr!

"Mr. President, I thank you for making time to meet with me today," Xander said calmly as he sat down in the chair assigned to visitors such as himself.

President Howard Goodman just looked utterly confused, and Xander couldn't blame him. After all, the only reason they were having this meeting was because he'd hacked into the white house's system and created the meeting weeks ago. The politician no doubt was entirely oblivious of Xander's identity and position. PEIP rarely had to deal with presidents, but people around the country had begun to get very suspicious of the missing town, and they'd turned to the president for answers.

Xander and John had both voted for the man. Sure, he wasn't groundbreaking in any way, and wasn't going to truly push for change like they'd wish, but he was better than the other guy up for office and he seemed to have good morals and something of a backbone. Seeing the man in front of him now, Xander couldn't help but be amused. He looked like a scared puppy who was intimidated by Xander. Briefly, Xander wondered if he'd even read the file Xander had sent to explain the situation, but somehow he doubted it.

"Uh, yeaaahhh, hi," the president replied, clearly uncomfortable and uncertain.

"Howie- can I call you Howie? Howie, we've got a situation on our hands in the form of a town called Hatchetfield. I am Xander Lee, I am second in command of a division in the army that specifically works to contain, study, and if necessary destroy things of extraterrestrial, extradimensional, and paranormal origins. What parts of that statement do you need explained?" Xander asked, leaning forward in his chair.

"... Are you a soldier?" Howie asked after a pause.

"In a way, yes. I am also a physicist who works with theories and things that aren't from our planet, our dimension, or simply aren't of natural creation on Earth," Xander explained.

Howie paused once more. "Is a physicist a scientist?"

"Yes. I work with weird science, basically," Xander said.

"... Okay… what is an extraterrestrial?"

"Anything of alien origins."

"What does extradimensional mean?"

"It means anything that isn't from our reality. There are other realities out there besides our own, the one we live in. Sometimes things from those realities end up here, often to cause problems."

"What does paranormal mean?"

How much of an idiot was this man? Xander continued. "Ghosts, vampires, that sort of thing."

"So all that stuff… is real…"

"Yes, but usually not in the way that they're known by society."

"And your division… stops the bad stuff?"

"Yes, we try our best," agreed Xander, glad they could finally move on to the actual reason he was there. "This includes what happened in Hatchetfield over two months ago."

"What happened in Hatchetfield?" the president asked, looking slightly more comfortable now that he had some grasp on what they were talking about.

Xander paused. This was probably going to get a shit ton of questions, but alas, what choice was there? He'd come to explain. "A meteor from space crashed in the town. It had infectious spores within it, and the citizens of the town began to be infected. The infection was contained by the division within 48 hours and we spent the next block of time creating a cure. That cure has been found and we are slowly working our way through the populous to cure the town."

"... So the reason everyone in Hatchetfield disappeared… is because they got the space flu?"

Xander felt the urge to slam his head into the table but gave no sign of it. "Not quite. The spores took over the host like zombies, took over their minds. It was more like a zombie apocalypse than a flu."

"So the town became zombies… and now they're being cured…?"

"Yes, but we can only do it so quickly. Not everyone survives the process either, but that is not a fault of the process. Many of the infected were… heavily injured during the event and their bodies simply couldn't recover. If your brain falls out of your head, you don't get back up," Xander explained.

The president was clearly shocked by that, but was silent as he tried to process what he was being told. "Right… so they're all where?"

"They're being held in the base of our division. Those that weren't infected have been living on the base until the situation is resolved, and those that are cured are recovering in our hospital," Xander said. "The situation is handled, things are going to be fine. I just needed to explain to you what happened so you can put the country at ease."

"What am I supposed to tell them?! That aliens made people into zombies and now they're getting better?!" Howard cried.

"No, Howie, I want you to lie."

"... Lie?"

"You and I both know the world can't handle this information. It's going to cause mass chaos. I want you to say that a heavy cloud fell over the town like it did in London, as well as our own Donora, Pennsylvania. Say that the storm that night caused the cloud to hang over the city and block the carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide, and smog inside, causing breathing problems for everyone in the city. Say that the citizens of the town have been safely kept in an army base in the town where they have been recovering from the toxins. Say that not everyone has recovered, or will recover, but the majority of people will. Say it's a tragedy, a true tragedy, but one that Hatchetfield and our country will recover from, one we will move past and become stronger from," Xander said, leaning back in his chair.

Howard considered what he was told to say, clearly rolling it around in his mind to see if he approved before nodding. "I'll do it, I just have one more question for you."

"Yeah, Howie?"

"You said you were second in command. Who is first and why aren't they here?"

"... My husband was one of the infected. He's recovering, but…" Xander trailed off, not wanting to talk about his husband's health struggles with the president of the country.

Howie paused and looked up at him, tapping his crossed fingers against his desk. "I'm sorry for what you both must be going through."

"It's all a part of the job, Howie. We all have our roles to play in this country. You've got to do yours, I've got to do mine," he said as he put his glasses back on and walked out of the room, trying very hard to seem badass.

\---

Tom did not know how to braid. It had never been a skill he’d needed to learn previously. Becky never braided her hair, Jane never needed assistance in braiding hers, and Tim never had his hair long enough to braid. That left him entirely unprepared for the task that was now set before him: learning how to braid Hannah’s hair. Previously, Ethan had always done it, but Tom wanted to learn so that when Ethan no longer lived with them, and Lex went to college or to California, Hannah could still have her hair braided.

“Okay, take the right chunk over the center chunk of hair,” Lex instructed.

The trio was sitting in the waiting room on the floor of Lex’s room because Lex had decided she wanted to walk. Tom was sitting on a chair while Hannah sat on the floor in front of him and Lex sat beside him. He did as she instructed him to do, resulting in the previously right bit of hair being in the center. The braid was loose because he was worried about pulling it too tight and hurting Hannah’s head.

“Cool, now put the left chunk over the center one,” Lex said, tapping his left hand.

“Easy as that?” Tom asked.

“Easy as that,” Lex repeated with a little smile.

Tom did as she said, resulting in a basic beginning to the braid. He smiled with pride as he attempted to continue with the pattern. The braid wasn’t great, not nearly as good as what Ethan did, it was somewhat sloppy with some stray pieces here and there, but he was quite proud of his first attempt at braiding. He wanted to learn how to do the fancier ones later, once he mastered the basic braid. If he learned that fish one, or the French one, he could give her a fancy style to make sure Hannah felt pretty when she needed to.

“How’s it feel, Hannah girl?” Tom asked.

‘Hannah girl’ was a term of endearment Tom had found himself calling Hannah recently. It wasn’t exactly creative, but neither was he, and it was one thing he had that no one else called her. She didn’t seem to mind it, and it made Tom happy to have something personal with her. Spending that time with Lex was wonderful also. He knew she was going to go off soon for her future, but he was happy to have any time with her that he could. Lex was destined for amazing things, he couldn’t wait to be a part of it.

Before she could go anywhere though, she needed to graduate high school, which seemed like it might take another year to get there. Between the nearly three months of school she’d missed and the training PEIP wanted to give her so she could protect herself in the future, it was going to take a while to be able to leave. The world wasn’t exactly safe for someone with connections to the Black and White, and they needed to know how to defend themselves at the very least. She couldn’t be taught to do that until John was able to teach her and she felt well enough.

“Loose,” Hannah said, trying to be helpful.

“Should it be tighter?” Tom asked.

Hannah nodded then shrugged which Tom read as ‘Yes but it’s okay for now’.

Tom continued to try his best and eventually got to the end of her hair. “Now what?” he asked, looking at Lex.

She handed him a hair tie and said, “Spin this fucker around the end a couple times.”

“Language,” Tom scolded as he took it from her and tried his best. The tie ended up being way too loose, causing the braid to mostly come undone. “Shit!”

“Language!” Lex teased. “Try again, you’ll only start to get better if you practice.”

Tom sighed and nodded, attempting to braid once again.

\---

“Okay okay okay, let me try,” Paul said, sipping on the milkshake Emma snuck into his room. “If I was a gardener… I’d pick you first.”

Emma snickered, “If I was a gardener, you’d be my hoe.”

Paul couldn’t help the laugh that burst from him, wiping away a tear. “How are you so good at this?!”

“Don’t you mean ‘hoe, you are so good at this’?” Emma asked, causing Paul to laugh again.

“No! No I don’t!” Paul exclaimed. He was trying very hard not to spill his drink as he laughed. It was difficult when he was laying in a bed and laughing so hard he wanted to curl over.

“Damn, it’d be funny if you did,” Emma said, sipping on her own drink as though Paul wasn’t losing his shit laughing.

Emma often brought in food from outside of the hospital for them to eat together. It wasn’t that the food at the hospital was bad! It was totally fine! They just didn’t have a lot of options, and Paul was incredibly bored of what they offered him. Every time she ‘snuck in’ food, it made Paul’s day, and made him feel like they were doing something sneaky. When they moved the cured people from the research building to the hospital, sneaking in food had become easier, though they both kept pretending it was a secret.

The hospital was small, bigger than an infirmary but smaller than the hospital located downtown. It was in its own building, and had enough space to take care of everyone who worked on the base, but it didn’t have everything a normal hospital might have. It was made to take care of injuries and illnesses, not things like cancer or kidney failure. Still, they seemed to be kept busy, if the constantly rushing nurses were anything to go off of. The doctors didn’t visit Paul much, maybe once a day considering his only major problem was the lingering weakness. He still couldn’t walk enough to leave the room, but he was definitely getting better.

None of them had to pay for treatment at the hospital, it was footed by the army as anything treated there was considered to be something that happened in the line of duty. John and Xander also apparently firmly believed in free health care and created that where they could. The survivors like Emma had been given temporary jobs on the base of one sort or another so that they could keep busy while being able to continue to earn money and keep their independence. Emma seemed to be enjoying her work as a lab assistant though, and Paul hoped on her behalf that she would be able to continue the work after this whole thing was over.

“Try again, you can do a better one,” Emma said, sipping on her milkshake once more.

“Okay… hmm… Are you the sun? Because you are so fucking hot,” Paul said, unable to help but laugh uncomfortably at that.

“Not bad, you swore and everything, which gives you bonus points. Are you the sun? Because it hurts to look at you for any period of time,” Emma replied.

They both started laughing at that, unable to hold it in. They were playing a game where they said the worst pickup lines they could think of and Emma was much better at it than Paul. He got uncomfortable every time he said something like that, while Emma just thought it was funny. That gave her a clear advantage.

“That is terrible!” Paul cried when he could get words out between his laughs.

“Exactly! It’s terrible!” Emma agreed, rubbing her eyes.

“Pickup lines are supposed to at least try and pick up people! That one is way more like an insult!” Paul said, smiling broadly at her.

Emma laughed again. “Yeah, maybe! But it’s funny!”

“It is so funny,” he said, laughing as well.

The pair slowly calmed down, smiling at each other as they enjoyed their milkshakes. They were happy, truly. Paul was still uncertain about what drew him to Emma, but when he saw her there, with some milkshake on her nose and the sparkle in her eyes, some part of him screamed the word ‘fate’. Well, if this was his fate, good. If Emma was his fate he accepted. He had never given a shit about that sort of thing, he’d never believed in fate, but if the universe said that he belonged with that hilarious, amazing, beautiful woman, then he accepted.

She made him feel things again for the first time in years, she made him feel really actually happy. If being with her meant following some universe’s plan for him, then he would go with it. He couldn’t wait to see where their lives went, how their relationship developed. Paul thought he might love her, even if they weren’t officially dating. Emma. Emma was Emma and that was enough.

\---

“Xander,” John greeted from his bed. He could tell immediately that Xander was at least slightly miffed. He couldn’t talk much still, and moving was still hard, but he was talking more, and did it as much as possible.

Xander didn’t particularly like meetings, he liked being in control of situations and in meetings you had to listen and talk to people. He was great as an undercover agent, he was a wonderful boss. Unfortunately, meetings were much different, especially when he had to explain things to people. John knew that he probably wanted to slam his head into something after meeting with the president, and judging by Xander’s expression, that wasn’t an incorrect assessment.

“He asked me what ‘paranormal’ was,” Xander groaned, laying down in the bed beside John.

“Yeah?” John asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah! He-... god… I got him to agree to the cover story. I don’t know how much he actually understood from what I was saying. He started freaking out about singing alien zombies but I saved the situation…” Xander said as he curled up on his side, cuddling up to John.

John shakily rested a hand on Xander’s head, and they both sighed in relief of being in each other’s company. “Good,” John said quietly. He moved his head down to try and kiss Xander’s head. Xander moved up to help, allowing John to place a kiss on the top of his head. “Sleep.”

Xander hummed in agreement, cuddling his husband. John watched as Xander’s breathing leveled out and smiled a little as a result. He was so proud of Xander for making it through the rough time and helping him become well again, not to mention what he’d done earlier in the day. The pair fell asleep curled up together like they had for years, relaxed and happy to be together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tom was saying three months because he was 1: exaggerating and 2: looking to how long her recovery was going to take.  
> My hair is no longer long enough to braid but I love braiding my hair so that was fun to write.
> 
> Xander in the first section has so much BDE. Like, he's really trying to be cool.


	22. To Be Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lex thinks about life and her place in other people's lives, eventually deciding that that things are good. The Houston Family and Co. make a happy and messy memory together. Emma and Paul decide to have their own Valentine's Day where they sneak out of hospitals and go watch horror movies. Xander and John play the Fact Game to get through an anxiety attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a few days! I've been in poor health. We believe I likely have POTS Syndrome and I've been having a rough patch of dizzy times. With everything going on right now, my usual diet has changed so I haven't been getting enough salt in my system.
> 
> In other news, there is going to be a sequel to this story that goes through an Event and the Black Friday. There will probably be two more chapters after this, then the next story will take place a few months later. The Apotheosis took place in December and are currently in February. 
> 
> Additionally, I've started fulfilling prompts on my tumblr! If you guys have prompts for short stories, feel free to send them to r-we-taire-yet. I've also posted two pictures I drew of the story!
> 
> In the first bit, Lex describes how people feel to her. This is due to her connection to the Black and White, she's feeling them on a deep mental/emotional level. In the last section, Xander has an anxiety attack that isn't described in deep detail.

Lex was trying her best. She always did, really, even when she knew her best wasn't going to be good enough. The whole situation was difficult, and she hated the lingering weakness in her bones. Having very little memory of the period she was infected left her with nearly two months of missing time, and so much had happened during that period.

It was ten and a half weeks since the Apotheosis, and in those ten and a half weeks, Lex had been dead for the majority of it. Sure, she got better, but what good did that do? Well, it did a lot of good. She had a chance, a future, but the world had moved on without her it seemed. Yes, she knew Ethan and Hannah had waited diligently by her side, but they'd also done so much without her. Lex wasn't upset with them or anything, God no, but she was missing two months of her life that she wasn't going to get back.

That wasn't even mentioning the fact that she and Hannah had apparently been adopted by Mr. Houston. Yes! It was great that they would finally be safe and that she wouldn’t have to be the main caregiver for Hannah anymore. She loved her sister, but sometimes she just wanted to be a teen, and she didn’t think that was too much to ask for, really. Now she had that opportunity, but it had happened while she was away, she was gone. Now she was back, and it seemed like everything had changed.

Hannah was calling Mr. Houston ‘dad’. The last person one of the sister’s called dad had walked out on them when their mom got pregnant a second time. He’d abandoned them after being a shit parent, because he felt that providing for his little daughter and his children’s mother was already hard enough. He hadn’t felt like adding another mouth to feed into the equation, and their mom wasn’t going to end the pregnancy, despite all of the factors that were against her. 

Lex had been mad at first, at the baby inside her mother, because the short time where the ‘family’ had been together was ending due to it. That had changed the moment she saw those big eyes on such a tiny little baby. Hannah meant the world to Lex. She had taken it upon herself to take care of the little baby her mother refused to pay attention to. There had never been a question in her mind that she would take Hannah with her when she ran away.

She counted herself to be the luckiest person in the world when it came to love. Her life was undeniably shitty, but she had two of the best people ever in her life. When Lex met Ethan, she knew instantly that her life was never going to be the same. He was funny, and teased her, and he was instantly interested in Hannah. Ethan was soft, and snarky, and loving, and such an asshole in the best way possible. He went out of his way to understand Hannah, to help Lex take care of her. Sure, he didn’t always get it right, but he was trying, and that was more than Lex had ever expected out of anyone in the world.

They had their lives all figured out. Sure, they knew it was probable that things wouldn’t work out just like they planned, but they knew they’d get through it together. Lex had never thought about marriage, or kids or anything like that until she met Ethan. She was a teen! She had a little sister to watch over! But with Ethan she saw a future. She could imagine actually settling down with somebody for the first time. Yeah, they were young, but their love was real and that was all that mattered in the end.

Ethan felt the same as ever, he was still the person he was two months ago. He was sadder, yes, he looked like he had aged in the time she was ‘away’, no doubt due to what he’d had to witness, but he still felt the same. Hannah felt different though, not in a bad way, just… different. She was happier, she felt safer, she seemed comfortable with herself in a way she never had before. She was more confident, more open. It was amazing, but it made Lex feel like perhaps Hannah didn’t need her anymore.

Mr. Houston wanted to be there for them both, Lex knew it. She knew he was the reason Hannah had changed the way she had. Just a short time of solid parenting and Hannah was starting to be the kid she’d always been destined to be. Did she need Lex anymore, or was this new family enough? Tom had been trying to help include her in the family activities, to make Lex feel like part of the family. He wanted her to be there, he thought she was needed. She was wanted by someone who wanted to be a parent to her. There was a first time for everything, Lex supposed.

“Babe, you good?” Ethan asked, waving his hand in front of her face.

“Are you?” she asked, flicking him on the forehead gently.

Ethan laughed and sat back. “I’m not the one who spaced out for five minutes.”

Lex rolled her eyes. “I’m fine, just… thinking… you know?”

“Thinking is for losers,” Ethan stated, putting his feet up on her hospital bed.

“Shut up! You’re a loser!” Lex cried, kicking his feet off the bed.

“Awe, shit, I guess I am,” he replied, giving her a smile.

Lex rolled her eyes and sat back on the bed. “Yeah, but you’re my loser, so it’s alright.”

She loved that goof, she really did. Lex had always suspected that he had some kinda problems like Hannah, learning stuff, but she wasn’t a doctor. Apparently in the last two months, on Tom’s request he’d gotten tested for stuff, and found out he had something called Dyslexia and something called ADHD. Ethan had said that was why he could never remember which was right and which was left, and why he got so excited that he started dragging people.

So, Mr. Houston was taking care of her sister and her boyfriend, and had advocated on her behalf while she was ‘away’. He was trying to be a good father to Hannah, and was a good father to Tim already. On top of that, he was trying to take care of her, Lex, despite the fact that she was almost 18. Most people didn’t try parenting someone her age because they thought the kid was beyond their reach of influence, that it was too late. Tom? Tom wasn’t like that, apparently. He wanted to be her dad just as much as he wanted to be Hannah’s. Maybe that was enough.

“Babe, you spaced out again,” Ethan said, poking her ear.

Lex blinked and poked his ear back. “You spaced out, shut up.”

“Seriously though, are you good?” he asked, looking genuinely concerned.

God, he was such a sweetheart. What did Lex do to deserve that? Lex took his hand and squeezed it tightly. “Yeah, I’m good. Really. I’m really good.”

Ethan smiled and relaxed, squeezing her hand back as he leaned forward and kissed Lex’s forehead. “Good.”

\---

“Tom, you should really look at the directions,” Becky said, holding up the paper.

“Nah, I’m good. I used to teach shop, remember?” Tom replied. “Besides, this is a family thing! We’re putting it together as a family.”

“Dude, I’m pretty sure that’s on upside down,” Lex teased. She was doing well enough that she was allowed to go home with her family, though she wasn’t up to helping build the toy kitchen set Tom had gotten.

“Yeah that is definitely upside down,” Emma agreed as she held a few pieces of wood, looking at them with pure confusion.

“Is this right?” Ethan said, holding up pieces of wood that were clearly not correctly put together. He placed it on his head for comedic effect.

Hannah and Tim laughed at his antics. Neither of them were being particularly helpful, but Tom didn’t mind. He’d given them the task of painting the wooden parts for the toy kitchen, and more of the paint was getting on the kids than on the wood. They were, however, enjoying themselves, and that was what mattered. He wanted them to have good memories of the whole family together before Ethan and Lex went off into the world. All of them. It warmed Tom’s heart to see them all having such a good time. If the toy kitchen turned out terribly, that would be fine. It would be a memory.

“Tom, please look at the directions,” Becky insisted, though she was also smiling.

“I didn’t-,” Emma said as a snapping sound rang out.

Everyone froze and looked at Paul. Paul had been invited because the doctor’s had allowed him a day out to see how well he would do. No one said anything about it when Emma showed up with him in a wheelchair. They weren’t technically dating, but… well… considering everything that the two had done together. Now, there he sat, with a large piece of broken wood on his lap.

“I have no idea how that happened,” he stated, pointing at it. He looked just as confused and startled as the rest of the family. There was another moment of silence before Tim flicked his paintbrush at Paul, splattering paint on him. Everyone broke out into laughter, including Paul, who tried to wipe the light blue paint off his face.

“Tim, don’t-” Tom was trying very hard not to laugh, “don’t do that. Don’t flick paint at people.”

Tim then flicked the paintbrush at his father, who then got splattered. “You gave me this power and I will use it!”

“Alright, that’s it!” Tom cried, picking up his son and throwing him over his shoulder. Tim laughed as Tom spun them around. “No splashing paint on people!”

“Stop! Stop!” Tim laughed, rubbing the paintbrush on his father’s back.

“No, you little monkey!” Tom exclaimed, bouncing Tim as he was being painted.

“Noo!!” Tim laughed, losing his hold on his paintbrush as his father began to tickle him.

Hannah ran over and began rubbing her paintbrush on them both, wanting to take part in the game as well.

“If he’s a monkey, then she’s a banana!” Ethan cried, picking up Hannah and spinning her around as well, causing her to laugh.

“What a bunch of goofs!” Lex said, reaching over to where the paint was to splash it at the four of them.

“Oh that’s how we’re doing this?” Ethan said with a smile. “Alright then!” He sat Hannah down and threw his paint covered jacket onto her.

“Kids, this is getting messy,” Becky said in a scolding tone. What caught them all off guard though was that she then immediately grabbed a cup of paint and dumped it on Tom’s head before jumping back.

“Hey!” Tom said, gently plopping Tim back onto the ground as yellow paint slid down his face. “Becky, where’d you go so fast? Don’t you want to be close to me anymore?” rammed his head in the direction she’d gone in, getting a huge blotch of yellow paint on her chest.

“Oh I’m getting in on this,” Emma said, limping over to where the paint was.

“No no no no no no no no!” Paul said, trying to wheel himself away faster than she could walk. He was too slow though, and she quickly got back to him with the pink paint, dumping it on him. Paul blinked slowly as the paint dripped down the front of his face. With some effort, he got himself out of the chair before she could escape and kissed her square on the lips, getting paint all over her face as well.

Good. This was good. It was messy but, man oh man was this going to be a memory for them all to share. Everyone was smiling, everyone was laughing. They were covered in paint but they were so happy. That was all Tom could ask for. That was family. The toy kitchen might never get put together, but they had that memory, that time together. It was good, it was right. Tom was happy.

\---

“What do you think of Valentine’s Day?” Paul asked, digging into his Chinese food.

“I think it was last week, and that it’s a capitalist scam,” Emma replied, “but mostly that it was last week, like, you’re almost a full week late.”

“Shit really? What day is it?” Paul asked, causing Emma to laugh.

“Wednesday the 22nd, February 2019,” Emma said after checking her phone.

Paul sat back in his bed, looking as though he was just struck by how much time had passed. “I mean… It really is just a capitalist scam, right? It’s no big deal.”

Emma watched him for a moment, thinking, before sitting her food down to the side. “How about this, huh? Fuck capitalism, right? How about we make February 22nd our version of Valentine’s Day? It’s after the holiday so everything would be on sale. Plus, we don’t even need to buy anything! Can just be us being… I don’t know… lovey and all that. We can do our own thing.”

That got Paul’s attention. He seemed to debate that but then he smiled a little. “Yeah, fuck capitalism. We can do our own thing… What should we do?”

“Hmm… How about we sneak out of this joint and go see a movie? The theater in town isn’t open, obviously, but the one in Clivesdale is,” Emma suggested.

“Oh my God, I love movies. What movies are in right now?” he asked.

“Uh, let me think. There’s the ‘How to Train Your Dragon’ movie, the third one that I think came out today. There’s ‘Happy Death Day’ and ‘The Prodigy’. The second Lego movie is out. God, why do I only know the kids movies and the h- right, Tom. Tom was telling me he was taking the kids to the movies this weekend,” Emma said.

“There are only two types of movies: Horror and Children,” Paul said in a teasing tone. “Nothing else? Nothing romantic?”

“God, there’s probably something romantic, I just don’t really do sappy love movies? They just kill me inside, like, they don’t talk to each other and then they’re super open with each other?” Emma admitted.

Paul shrugged in agreement. “Fair enough. What’s ‘Happy Death Day’ about?”

“I think it’s like ‘Groundhog’s Day’ but she keeps getting murdered and it’s her birthday.”

“... Sounds fun! Let’s go! When’s the next showing?” Paul agreed with a cheerful smile.

Emma looked on her phone. “Half an hour if the website is to be believed.”

Paul got dressed with a bit of help and she started pushing him out of the room in his wheelchair. Yeah, he could walk some, but not for long distances. Having the wheelchair for that purpose was helpful. They ‘snuck’ out of the hospital and got in Emma’s car. After they got buckled (Paul was very insistent that they both got buckled), she drove them to the theater. Just in time, they arrived and got inside the theater.

“Don’t get too scared, ‘kay?” Emma said, throwing some popcorn in her mouth.

“After what we’ve been through, I think I’ll be fine,” he replied with a wink.

\---

Xander sighed, rubbing his forehead. John was getting bored. A bored John was a troublesome John. If he did not have something to keep him busy, he would make something to keep him busy. That wasn’t necessarily a dangerous thing, rather it was something that had caused huge messes in their kitchen more than once. If Xander had a dollar for every time he walked into their kitchen and found every surface covered in foam or a mysterious slime, he would be rich.

That was why he was suspicious when John asked for a gallon sized glass jar, matches, a rubber band, a rubber glove, a lamp, food coloring, and water as well as a bunsen burner. That… SHOULDN’T be suspicious. None of those things could necessarily explode. Still, the fact that John was mostly stuck in bed made Xander nervous. If things were to boil over, John would certainly get burned. 

“I just want to make a cloud in a jar,” John said, “I watched a video of how to do it.”

“John, just- no! You will get burned and it won’t end well!” Xander disagreed.

“I need to do something,” John said with a sigh.

Xander rubbed his forehead once again. “I know you’re bored, but this is risky!” he cried, trying very hard to keep his breathing level and his anxiety down. The more he thought about John doing something dangerous, the tighter his chest got. John was going to get hurt, John was going to die. He’d already watched him die once, he couldn’t do it again.

“I am allowed to take risks, Xander,” he said, looking somewhat concerned for Xander.

“Don’t give me that look, I’m fine. I just can’t let- I can’t watch- I-”

John was pulling him onto the bed instantly, and Xander curled up in his arms as soon as he did, struggling to breathe. He let out a sob, trying to breathe through his panic. John ran his hand through Xander’s hair soothingly, holding him close as they waded through the anxiety attack together. The couple had been through this before, and that familiarity was comforting for Xander. They knew the process, they knew the feelings, it was something they got through together.

“Let’s play the fact game. What’s a fact?” John asked.

Xander buried his head against John’s chest. It was still hard to breathe, but he knew the game, and it had always helped previously. “Fact: I love you.”

“Fact: I love you too,” John said, still stroking his hair.

“Fact: We’re in the hospital,” Xander said, taking a deep breath.

“Fact: We are safe.”

“... Fact: We’re okay.”

“Fact: I’m safe.”

Xander was beginning to calm down now. John was right, they were safe. They were okay, He was safe. Those were facts. Xander loved facts. “Fact: You died.”

“Fact: I’m alive,” John said, kissing Xander gently on the forehead.

“Fact: You’re alive,” Xander said, sighing. It was a relief, truly.

“Fact: We’re going to make it,” John whispered, kissing Xander’s cheek.

“Fact: Everything is going to be okay,” Xander agreed, kissing his husband on the lips. “Thank you.”

John just kissed Xander again. “There is no reason to thank me for doing my duty.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did so much research for this chapter lmao. Specifically the research was to find out when the story takes place and then what movies they could go see at the time.


	23. See Me Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannah gets to infodump about spiders at a family dinner. Charlotte contemplates her marriage, her luck, and her future. John goes on an adventure. Emma asks Paul to be her boyfriend way more aggressively than was necessary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next are leading into the sequel which will take place a few months later. Spoopy times! Halloween times! The world is in chaos, might as well be Halloween. Also then, of course, Black Friday.
> 
> Come befriend me on tumblr! I'm taking prompt requests for the Hatchetfield universe so feel free to come talk to me over on r-we-taire-yet! If you can name the song and full lyric for each chapter title of this fic, I'll write you a little one shot... as a treat.
> 
> I had to research spiders for this chapter, and while I do not have a phobia of them, they do occasionally give me a spoop, so like, the things I do for you people lol.

“I told you we weren’t going to have enough chairs,” Lex teased as she assisted the kids in setting the table.

“Yeah, we have enough chairs! Two people just have to sit at the island!” Tom replied, gesturing at the island from where he stood stirring the pasta.

“We need two more chairs!” Lex disagreed, gesturing at the island as well.

“Well I don’t have two more chairs, I have stools for the island!” Tom said, once again pointing at the island.

“What if the general guy and Xander come over some time for the holidays or something?! Where will they sit?!” she exclaimed, still gesturing.

“I’m not going out right now to get two more chairs from IKEA! I’d burn the pasta!” Tom cried.

“I didn’t say you should get them now!” Lex said.

Hannah slapped the kitchen table eight times and pointed at Tom in the kitchen. Tom, shocked, pointed at himself in return, even as the spaghetti began to boil over. “We’re spiders!” Hannah said in the same loud tone as the other two had been using.

There was a moment of silence before Emma cried, “What?!”

After that, everyone began laughing out of amusement and confusion. Hannah seemed quite pleased with herself, having successfully ended the argument and gotten everyone to laugh. She assisted her siblings in setting the table and island for the dinner as Emma and Ethan put the salad and bread on the table. Paul was quietly sitting in one of the dining room chairs, having folded all of the napkins in an attempt to help despite not being able to stand long still.

“So, how is school going for everyone?” Becky asked as everyone sat down to eat.

Ethan and Lex sat at the island while Emma sat next to Paul along with everyone else. At the mention of school, Lex groaned and leaned back in the chair. “School sucks, man!” she said dramatically.

“She’s upset ‘cause she wants to be done with school but she’s missed so much at this point that she can’t graduate this year,” Tom explained. “Mrs. Davidson’s trying her best to teach everyone, but depending on what the school decides when everything picks back up, all the kids may have to redo the year or take summer classes through Clivesdale.”

“I would so rather do summer school,” Lex groaned.

“Yeah, well, considering the grades you were getting beforehand, it’s probably for the best that you take summer school and redo the year. I’m not blaming you for your grades, considering the situation you were in, but I know you’re a smart kid, and that now that you’re in a better situation you can do way better. Both of you,” Tom said, looking pointedly at both of the teens. “It’ll give Ethan a chance to get the help he needs through the school so he has a chance. It’ll give you an edge when you decide what you want to do after John finishes your training.”

“Do you like spiders, Hannah?” Paul asked suddenly. Everyone seemed a bit startled, but they had all figured out he had some socialization quirks and didn’t mind it.

Emma patted his shoulder and said, “It’s cool, but not the right time to ask that, we were talking about school.”

“Well yeah, but I’m guessing she learned about spiders in school,” Paul said.

“There are no spiders in Antarctica but on every other continent there are in all over 38,000 known species,” Hannah replied, eating her spaghetti happily. “Scientists think their webs might be an extension of their minds. That’s why Webby can touch the minds of others and influence things like she does. Spiders are the only animals that weave webs from their bodies and their silk is stronger than steel! The name for them comes from an old English word for spiders that came from the German word ‘spinne’ which means spinner, ‘cause they spin webs.”

Paul nodded with interest though everyone else was a bit shocked by how much she’d spoken. Tom smiled at Lex, who smiled back warmly. It warmed his heart to hear her talk about her interests like that, because it meant she felt comfortable enough with the people there to talk about spiders, comfortable enough that she could be more verbal than she usually was. He felt like he was doing a good job as her father.

“Do you have a favorite kind of spider?” Becky asked, knowing just as much as the others how exciting it was that Hannah was talking openly.

“Pelegrina Tillandsia! Webby looks like one of the white ones when she wants to look like a spider,” Hannah said. “They’re a jumping spider! They’re super tiny and they can jump really high into the air, 40 times their height! They don’t really jump though, it’s more like a slingshot with their abdomens and their legs.”

Tom could tell how happy the conversation made her. He was sure people usually didn’t want to hear about spiders because they were ‘creepy’, so he could imagine how much fun it was for her to finally talk about them. She was alight, her smile shining brightly the way Tim did when he was truly happy. Seeing her light up the room like she was made Tom feel proud, proud that she was opening up, proud that she had such interest in something. He was going to buy her all the spider stuff he could find, just so she knew how much he supported and loved her.

\---

Charlotte was going through a lot. She always was. Nothing could ever go well for her, it seemed. She’d always just had the worst luck. Some of it, certainly, was her own fault. Not every problem she had in life could be blamed on other people or the universe itself, some were caused by her own gullibility and poor decision making. That was what led her to fall for Sam. Charlotte hadn’t listened to her friends when they’d told her he was trouble. She’d seen the best in him and he got bored of her, just like they’d said he would.

She knew he cheated on her. He’d started doing it before they were even married, he’d done it when she was still in high school and it never stopped. Sam would deny it, he would say he would change, he would say he was sorry, and Charlotte always believed him. How couldn’t she? She loved him. She was his wife. How could she give up on him? They’d said ‘till death do we part’, and she took her vows seriously.

Charlotte hadn’t intended to… well… she hadn’t meant to cheat on Sam, really. It hadn’t started as revenge, it hadn’t started as anything. Ted was a devil, but he made her laugh, and he touched her and looked at her. Sam rarely kissed her on the cheek, he rarely even touched her hand. They were sleeping next to each other, most nights, but he didn’t acknowledge her more than necessary. He didn’t even want to talk to her on the phone. She tried to be understanding, she knew how demanding the job was, and he took it very seriously, but then… well…

Then she went to Beanies with Paul and Ted. She’d gone before, but this time a pretty little barista was working, a girl who looked like she was in her early or mid twenties and had a cute face and long, well kept hair. Normally, Charlotte wouldn’t look at her twice, but she was talking about going to the theater with a police sergeant, and God, the cop had to be her Sam. She knew every cop in Hatchetfield and no one else looked like her Sam.

Charlotte rushed out of the coffee shop and broke down on the ground outside the shop. It was Ted who came out after her, held her while she sobbed on the pavement. For all his talk of being a sleazebag, of being an asshole, he held her while she sobbed on the dirty, wet sidewalk outside a coffee shop. It was Ted who drove her home when her hands wouldn’t stop shaking enough for her to be comfortable driving. It was Ted who made dinner while she sat on the couch drinking wine and crying. He held her that night while her husband fucked another woman. They fell asleep on the couch together that night. Sam didn’t come back until she was getting ready for work.

They didn’t intend to become a thing, really. One day she was at his house and they were drinking, and the sun was setting and they were just sitting together on the couch, cuddling, when she leaned forward to kiss him. After that, one thing led to another of course. They were both touch starved and hungry, and they found what they needed in the other. It wasn’t necessarily because she was upset with Sam, really, it was just that she had needs he wouldn’t fulfill, and wouldn’t do his part in marriage counselling.

Sam was a bastard, but she still loved him. Charlotte tried very hard to love him at least. It was difficult when he’d come home smelling like another woman, or when she’d find hair in their bed that didn’t belong to anyone she knew. Still, he was her husband, she had made her vows. Divorce… Divorce just wasn’t something people in her family did. No one had gotten divorced before her, and she knew from their looks at family gatherings that they didn’t support her even thinking about it. She knew they thought she should just tough it out, suffer for the sake of her reputation and the family’s good name.

Sam was dead now though. Charlotte sat in her wheelchair, watching her husband inside the cell in front of her, dancing and singing like his brain hadn’t fallen out of his head, like he was okay. He wasn’t okay. He was never going to be okay. Charlotte was likely going to suffer from mobility issues for the rest of her life due to the events of the Apotheosis, but she was fine with that. She knew you didn’t get your stomach torn out and then get shot in the head without some side effects when you got better. Sam wasn’t going to get better. Sam was dead. He was standing there, but he was dead.

Was it bad that she was relieved? Truly, she felt like a terrible wife for even considering being happy about his death, but… she was free. No more waiting up all night for him to get home. No more strangers sleeping in her bed. No more worrying, no more suffering. Charlotte didn’t even have to divorce him. He was just gone, and she was free. The song he’d sung her wasn’t entirely accurate, she realized now that she had a clear mind. No, he wasn’t the one who was trapped, it was her. He’d trapped her in a loveless marriage knowing he would get tired of her and cheat on her like she was a piece of meat that had gone bad. Now he was gone.

What next? What did she do? She was a widow, she was alone. Yes, she had Becky and Tom, but they were both so busy, and neither really fixed her problem. Charlotte rolled her wheelchair forward and began to look through the other cells, watching the disorganized dancers try to keep in rhythm when the song inside their mind was gone. She didn’t necessarily need to go right into another romance, but… But Ted needed her. He was still infected, he needed someone to advocate for his cure.

Yes, she was grieving, and yes, she missed Sam terribly. Despite everything, her heart still called out to him, loved him. But, their marriage had ended before it began. Their relationship was over the moment they tied the knot. Sam had done nothing but cause her pain and grief long before he lost his brain. On top of that, Sam was the one that killed her. She knew he’d been infected, but the memory of her beloved husband tearing her apart was still fresh in her mind. It only seemed fair that Charlotte would have a complicated relationship with mourning him.

“There. The man with the brown shirt and the black tie. His blood type A+. He got shot, obviously, but it isn’t his head, so he can heal right?” Charlotte asked. She couldn’t bear to watch Ted dance like that, but was glad she could find him at all.  
“Yeah, he should be just fine,” Becky replied, writing the information down and pushing Charlotte back to the elevator.

Good. Ted would come back. She only prayed he would still like her even though she was a widow.

\---

John was fine, or rather, he was going to be. It was going to take some time, but he had been doing small exercises while lying down in an attempt to gain back the strength he had lost since the Apotheosis. The problem wasn’t just muscle loss though, it was also the strain his body had been put under in the Hive’s attempt to maintain control over him. It left him weak in ways that muscle loss didn’t and made him feel incredibly useless.

His mind was faring well. Despite what was done to him, between the healing factor of the Hive and their desire to keep him somewhat functioning to be able to use him, his brain wasn’t as bad off as it could be. John was thankful for that fact, and thankful that he only had a blurry memory of the period he was infected, because he couldn’t imagine how traumatizing remembering it all would be.

No, he might not remember, but Xander certainly did. Given his natural mental health problems and going through this experience, John knew his husband needed to go back to counselling. In fact, John had already scheduled weekly sessions for his husband and put them in his itinerary. He knew Xander would actually go, because if he didn’t John would give him the Look. Well, to be honest John had more than one Look, one for disappointment, one for instilling fear, one for granting bravery and confidence. The Look he would give Xander would be his sad, loving one reserved for his husband when he forgot to take care of himself. Xander hated the expression, and therefore should be at counselling at that very moment.

That meant it was the perfect time to be reckless. You see, John’s impulse control was fairly low, only truly tempered by his husband’s words or his own sense of right and wrong. It often got him into trouble, he was always leaping in to protect people with no regard to his own health. He was also prone to finding ways to entertain himself or do things he wished to do whether or not they were good ideas. Yes, John knew what he was going to attempt was a bad idea and that it would likely result in him ending up on the ground needing assistance, but, well, there was no one around to tell him no, so nothing could stop him.

With a great amount of strain, John managed to push himself up to sit on the edge of the bed. The next bit would be the most difficult part, but he steeled himself for the event. He took a small step before falling into the seat of the wheelchair as he had planned. It took him a moment afterwards to calm his heart and adjust to his new situation, but he was happy he had fallen in the correct direction. Perfect.

John got himself sitting correctly in the chair before pulling the breaks off and gently pushing himself forward with the wheels. The whole thing took a lot of effort, just sitting up was an event, but he was not one to give up so easily. He was leaving that damn hospital room if it was the last thing he did. John pushed the wheels again, slowly because he only had so much strength and energy. The good thing was that the device was light enough that moving didn’t require much effort, he’d been in chairs before that were a pain to push, and the one Xander had gotten for his recovery was certainly not the worst.

Eventually he made his way into the hall, which was a success in his book. All of the nurses and doctors around had taken notice of him but hadn’t said anything because he was technically their boss and he was doing fine on his own. It was only a matter of time before he was taken back to his bed, so he made use of it by traveling to the wall of windows at the end of the hall, where the family sitting area was. There was no way they would let him leave the floor and go outside without Xander there, but he could enjoy the beauty of being alive from the window for now. That was enough.

“Where the FUCK is my husband?!” Xander shouted from further down the hall, back in the direction he came from.

It had taken longer to get there than he’d expected, and now Xander was back. “Coming!” he shouted as he pushed himself in the direction of his husband.

\---

“You are such a baby,” Emma teased as she licked her spoon.

“I am not a baby, I just-... The man with the scary knife hands is going to haunt my dreams and that’s just the way of things,” Paul disagreed.

“You are literally curled up on my lap right now, are you aware of that?” Emma asked, looking up at her dorky companion.

They had been watching classic horror films, because Emma loved horror and was surprised that Paul had seen very few films in the genre. She had learned, the first time they watched a horror flick together, which happened to be their secret date in the theaters, that he was very easily spooked. Every time something scary would happen, he would curl more and more around her until he was basically in her lap.

At first she thought he was trying to hide and doing a terrible job of it, but then she realized that no, he was instinctively trying to hide _her_ from the scary thing on screen. It wasn’t a planned thing, clearly, given how he would jerk from his shock and that jerk would lead him to curl around her more. When she realized what he was doing, she thought it was incredibly sweet, even if he didn’t realize he was doing it.

The whole thing also doubled as a way to get him to cuddle her without asking. They weren’t officially dating or anything so did she really have the right to ask him to cuddle? They weren’t technically dating, they were just… roommates who kissed sometimes and slept in the same bed because they didn’t feel like moving another bed into the place and if one of them had a nightmare it was easier to help out. Yeah, they were just like… roommates with benefits, if by benefits it meant helping Paul with tasks like dressing and getting in and out of the wheelchair and other stuff like that, and cuddling of course.

It wasn’t like they were intimate or anything!

The only reason he’d moved in with her into the small apartment on base she’d been given was because he needed help after getting released from the hospital. Maybe Emma didn’t mind the company. Maybe she liked having him around. Maybe it felt natural to wake up together every morning and get a kiss from him before they got up. Maybe she didn’t want things to change when he was better and didn’t need her anymore. That was for a later time though, right then it was roasting Paul time and that was what she needed to focus on.

“I am not curled up in your lap, I am… We are… You are the big spoon and this is cuddling. I was not scared, this is perfectly normal,” Paul said.

Emma laughed. “Yeah sure, you’re at least a foot taller than me, I am totally the ‘big’ spoon. You are squishing me.”

“Do you need me to move?” Paul asked quickly, looking afraid he was hurting her.

She rolled her eyes. “You’re fine, I was kidding.”

“Oh! Okay… okay good,” he replied. Paul paused for a moment before adding, “Are you frightened?”

“Nope, not even a little,” Emma said, shaking her head a bit and smiling.

Paul smiled back at her and kissed her gently on the lips. “Good. At least one of us is brave.”

Fucking hell, why did he have to be so adorable? What the hell was Emma supposed to do with that?! “You’re gonna fucking date me, right?” Emma said, though it came out way more aggressively than she intended.

“I… what?” he asked, looking frightened once more.

“You’re too fucking cute. Are you going to be my boyfriend or what? You already fucking live with me for God’s sake,” Emma said, unable to stop sounding aggresive at that point.

“Sure?” Paul replied, just sounding confused.

“... Cool…” Emma said, unsure what else to say after that.

“Cool…” Paul replied. “... Are we going to continue the movie or…?”

Emma turned the movie back on, not wanting to know what he was insinuating. That question was not for that day. Intimate couples in horror films always died after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheelchairs are great. They're very useful. As my chronic stuff gets worse as they tend to do, I will probably end up getting a wheelchair at some point, cause I get super dizzy and walking gets hard. Just like, hell yeah, mobility aids!


	24. The Bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gives a speech to the members of PEIP and flirts with his husband. Paul, Emma, and Charlotte contemplate the future and when they should cure their friends. Tim turns ten! Everyone celebrates the occasion together, and they all look forward to what is to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I wanted it to be perfect, and I'm finally happy with it. I rely a lot on free time to think during travel, so I haven't had that time to work on ideas, which is why updates have slowed some. Sorry! The first chapter of the sequel will be posted soon, and the story will be titled 'Web Tied Souls' so keep an eye out for that! Thank you all for the support you've all given me, I hope to see you all there!

“Shit,” John muttered.

“John, let me tie your tie,” Xander sighed.

“I can tie a tie,” John retorted.

“John, please, we need to be there five minutes ago,” Xander said. “Your fingers still aren’t working perfectly, it’s okay to need help with things right now.”

John sighed and put his hands down in invitation for Xander to tie it. “It is incredibly frustrating. I do not want to give this speech in a wheelchair either.”

“There’s nothing wrong with using a mobility aid when you need it,” Xander said as he gently tied the tie.

“I know. And it doesn’t make me any less strong to need it for now. I would just prefer to stand,” John stated, straightening his pins and metals.

“Exactly. I know you hate not being able to walk right now, but you’ll get there, we’ll get there, it’s going to be okay,” Xander said, kissing John’s forehead softly.

John smiled up at Xander, gently cupping his face before pulling him in for a kiss. He pressed their foreheads together and whispered, “You are the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Xander pulled John into another kiss before pulling away. He buttoned up his uniform for him and adjusted his hat to put it at the right angle. “You are the light of my life, and also making us more and more late,” Xander replied with a smile.

John sat up straight in his chair as Xander began to push him forward. “I am the general, they will wait for me.”

“What happened to the importance of the proper care of time?” Xander teased.

“I am on time, they happen to be early,” John stated, causing Xander to laugh and lean over the chair.

The pair made their way to the back of the stage located in the headquarters building, in the room used for formal announcements and events. It wasn't used often, only when major events happened, or there was something to celebrate, and no matter what happened John had to give a speech. He didn't dislike giving speeches. They were a part of being a leader, and inspiring people was something he was quite good at. It was rather that he disliked all the pomp that went along with formal speeches.

There was a difference between professional and pageantry, and formal speeches like these always had a layer of pageantry that John did not favor. It was necessary, of course, because they were the US military and an organization in the government, meaning everything had to be formal. Formal, however, meant expensive curtains and flowers and things John didn't feel they needed to spend money on. Still, he'd learned early on that if he wanted his higher ups to respect him he had to play their games.

"It's go time," Schaeffer whispered, gesturing for Xander to push John onto the stage. "Also you are lucky we scheduled someone to speak before you, if you weren't the general you would be in so much trouble."

John just nodded to her and gave her a quick smile as Xander pushed him out in front of the crowd. He knew everyone who worked for PEIP, that was something he always prided himself on. He knew every face in the crowd, and knew who was missing due to the infection. These were his people, not just his troops, but scientists and doctors and mechanics who all looked up to him for guidance. John took his job seriously, and loved every single person in the audience as though they were family.

"The Paranormal Extraterrestrial and Interdimensional Protection Division has a solemn duty to protect not just America, but the world," he began. "We were founded on the basis of staying ahead of our enemies in our knowledge of what we do not understand, and of protecting our people from what threats may come. While the world has changed since the sixties at our foundation, our division's goal of defending mankind from what the universe throws at us has never swayed.

"Times have been difficult recently, with the infection, but we will persevere. Hatchetfield will persevere. We will lose people, sometimes strangers, sometimes people we love. The world will not go back to the way it was, but the world will continue. It is our duty, as PEIP, to support the community we protect and to help everyone get what they need so they can continue forward. Each and every one of us has a duty to look out for one another, and to look out for ourselves. We are together in this, and together we will help Hatchetfield recover from this disaster and grow to become even stronger. We are in this together.

“Hatchetfield will heal. We will heal. We have lost some of our own because of this, some who the procedure will not be able to bring back, but we have our courage and we have each other. We will overcome this together. Have faith in yourselves, in each other, and our community. We will pull through, and we will be okay. It will take time, everyone will carry the trauma caused by these months with them, but we will be okay eventually. Stay strong, stay true, stay brave. We are PEIP, and we Peeps damn well overcome.”

The audience clapped and Xander gently pat his shoulder in solidarity. They would be okay eventually. John had faith in every one of them, civilian and soldier alike. Hatchetfield was strong. There was nothing a little mind controlling infection could do to destroy the spirit of the people. They would overcome any apocalypse the universe threw at them, no matter how long it took to get there.

\---

“Bill will kill me if I have him go through the cure before Alice,” Paul stated, sipping on his coffee. He, Emma, and Charlotte had gone to Clivesdale together for coffee and an escape from the base for a few hours.

“Yes, but would he be upset if he wasn’t by her side while he goes through it?” Charlotte asked as she sipped on her own.

“You’re right, Charlotte. I don’t think there’s a right answer here,” Paul sighed.

Emma sat her cup down. “Look, Alice is gonna do fine in the treatment, she’s a teen, she wasn’t badly hurt before or during the Apotheosis, right?”

“Right. She’s in good shape, so is Bill,” Paul agreed.

“So you have Bill done first, and Alice done second. He’ll be there for her while he recovers and it’ll be fine,” Emma suggested.

“You could always have them in at the same time,” Charlotte said. “They’re building more of those machines you know. You could ask them to put them both in for emotional reasons.”

Paul winced. “The whole town needs cured, we can’t keep hogging all the machines to ourselves, it isn’t fair to everybody else.”

“Fucking selfless where’d that come from?” Emma asked, playfully slapping his chest.

“I like to think I’m pretty selfless. I did sacrifice myself by blowing up the meteor,” Paul said.

Emma rolled her eyes. “And you never shut up about that fact.”

“I think it was very selfless,” Charlotte assured with a smile.

“Thank you Charlotte, at least someone here appreciates me,” Paul teased, giving Emma a wink as he sipped on his coffee. “I’ll have Bill put in first. He should be fine, but you never know, and I don’t think he’d want Alice to watch him die, whether he comes back or not. I don’t want her to see it either.”

“That makes sense,” Charlotte agreed.

Emma gently bumped against his shoulder and smiled. “And we’ll be here for him while he gets better. I may not know the guy but if he’s important to you…”

“He is. He’s like a big brother to me. We met when we were in college. He’d taken a break for a few years when Alice was born, to provide for the family, but managed to come back to school my Freshman year,” Paul explained. Both women listened intently as neither had heard the story before. 

“Bill and I were in an upper level accounting class together, and he tried to get me to join clubs with him, but I never wanted to. Then he had a family emergency and asked me to babysit Alice and everything changed,” he said with a small laugh. “Alice was four at the time, and she just… she liked me right away I guess. Bill said she refused to let anyone else babysit her after that, because and I quote, I ‘was the only “baby seater” who did a good enough pig voice’ for the three little pigs. Then my parents died and Bill offered to have me live with them when I was home from college, and the rest was history. Bill actually got me the job at CCRP Technical. Alice calls me Uncle Paul.”

Emma pat his shoulder and gave him a small smile. “We’ll get them back, don’t worry too much.”

“Oh I worry constantly, you cannot stop me from worrying. Worrying is my superpower,” Paul replied with a laugh.

\---

Today was a good day, Webby said so, and Webby was always right. _Fresh blood. Play not dead. Good songs._

These words were somewhat confusing for Hannah, but she accepted them as good omens. It was Tim’s tenth birthday! They were having a birthday party! A real birthday party! The weather had warmed up enough to celebrate outside, so they were all set up in the park area of the base. It was just a small area near the houses with some picnic tables and a grill, but they had balloons all over the place and got Star Wars table covers. There was a pile of presents on one table, and everyone else was sitting around as things got underway. They’d even invited Ms. Charlotte, Mr. Xander, and Mr. Xander’s husband, who had been allowed out of the hospital for the day.

“Can’t catch me, Hannah!” Tim cried as he took off running.

Hannah laughed and raced after him. He was faster because he was older, but she was certainly trying her best! Tim took a sharp turn, allowing Hannah to whack him. “Tag!” she cried as she ran off in the other direction. Tim ran after her, soon catching up and tackling her accidentally, causing them both to fall to the ground.

“Hey hey whoa whoa whoa,” Tom said, running over to check on them. “No tackling your sister, got it?”

“Sorry, Hannah,” Tim said as he stood up.

Hannah held her knee, which she’d managed to scrape in the tumble. She was trying very hard not to cry, because crying never really helped anything, but her knee hurt some and her eyes weren’t being helpful. Still, she gave Tim a small smile so he wouldn’t think she was upset with him. Tom shushed her gently and checked out the scrape.

“Hey, it’s okay, Hannah girl, it’s just a scratch. Blood isn’t too scary, especially not when you know where it comes from, let’s go wash it off,” Tom said, offering his hand to help her stand. She took it and the pair walked over to where the tables were.

Becky had already gotten out her first aid kit, and as soon as Hannah sat down, she was checking her out. “Don’t worry, sweetie, this is nothing,” she said as she used a wipe to clean it up.

Hannah liked Ms. Becky. She was nice and she made Tom smile, which was always exciting. Tom didn’t smile enough, Hannah thought, though he did smile often. It didn’t reach deep down, he was still sad deep down. That was okay, Hannah decided, he would get there. They, their whole family, would work on it, they’d break up that sadness so he could be happy again. They had a family now after all. Becky helped, his sadness wasn’t so untouchable when she was there. It was a good sign, she thought.

When Becky placed a bandaid on her scrape, she gave it a little kiss, “Kisses make it all better, they’re m- they’re parent magic.”

Tom kissed Hannah on the head for extra magic, making Hannah smile once more. “See? Magic!”

“Banana, wanna play a different game? Tim?” Ethan suggested. “It’s called Night of the Living Dead.”

“Ethan, really?” Lex asked, raising an eyebrow at him. “Not sure if that’s-” Lex was cut off by Hannah running over to Ethan to see what the game was. Ethan gave Lex a cocky expression as Tim also joined them.

“Alright, the adults who are able have to join too so that we have enough people. So, there’s two groups, right? The living and the dead. The dead lay down on the field away from each other except for one, who is the first zombie. They can tag another dead person, or a living person. If the dead get tagged, they can stand up and start tagging, if a living person gets tagged, they have to lay down dead. The living can ‘kill’ the dead by tagging their back, and if they’re tagged they are out and have to go and sit down at the table. When there’s only one team left, they win!” Ethan explained.

“You kids have fun, we’ll be the judges,” Charlotte said warmly

“Yeah, and start setting up for cake,” Paul agreed, nudging Emma to go play.

The adults, save for Paul, John, and Charlotte who remained on the side, grumbled but went out to take part in the game. Ethan split the group up with Tim, Xander, Emma, and Tom on the side of the living and Lex, Ethan, Becky, and Hannah as the zombies. Hannah laughed as she laid down, pretending to be dead. Soon they were running around cheerfully, until the victors, the living, reigned supreme. 

Everyone returned to the tables and Tom got out the cake, beginning to cut it. “Now, let’s eat. Lex, can you grab the-”

“Lighter’s right here,” Lex said, handing her lighter to him.

He flicked it on as he went over to the cake. “Thanks! Alright, everybody ready to sing? Tim, come here, Bud.”

Tim sat down happily in front of the cake as his father lit the candles. He smiled up at his family and his family’s friends as they began to sing. Good song, Hannah thought, yes, this was what Webby meant. It was a happy song, a song of celebration. It was off tune and terribly wonderful. They made it, they won. They could sing badly, sing a silly birthday song the way they wanted to.

Tim blew out the candles and everyone cheered. It was a victory steeped in joy. They were safe, safer than they had been before. They were allowed to be happy now.

“I got the plates,” Lex called as Tom took out the candles and cut the cake.

“Birthday boy eats first!” Emma said, handing the plate to Tim.

“No ice cream for me,” Xander said as he waited for his piece.

“He says ice cream is a conspiracy created by the Florencians to take over the desert world,” John explained as he helped pass out cake as best he could.

“... What?” Tom asked, looking entirely confused.

Xander got a serious look on his face as he leaned forward. “Ice cream is the best. It is all over the world and can trace back to Persia a few hundred centuries before AD, right? But do we connect ice cream to Persia? No! We think of gelato! Gelato isn’t even normal ice cream!”

“Not everyone thinks of gelato,” John sighed.

“They should! Gelato is the best! It was created for the Medici court in Florence and it’s spread all over the world now! It’s how the Medici family will regain power, through capitalism!” Xander cried.

“No!” John replied.

Everyone began laughing at the ridiculous nature of the argument, and Emma put extra ice cream on Xander’s plate, handing it to him. The man rolled his eyes but smiled and thanked her anyway. Soon everyone was happily eating, and talking about one thing or another. It was warm, it was bright, it was safe. They were a motley crew, yes, but they were together. They were happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the love and kindness you have all shown me through this story. I'm glad I can bring some brightness to people's days. Feel free to message me on tumblr at r-we-taire-yet to hear about the sequel!


End file.
